YOU COULD DIE ANY DAY. Andreas Meyer

to receive your bullet proof west or so called bristol, your pistol, assault rifle and cleaning kit, your bed linen and all the other stuff a soldier needs. This mind grinding and annoying procedure takes you a minimum of 2 to 3 days depending on where the location of each station is at and how quickly you can get there. Of course, you also have to go through the medical check to assure that every necessary medical treatment was done back in Germany.

      Later that day I had some unscheduled time, so I went over to the security COY to check if Christian might be in. I entered the tent and asked the first guy I saw if he had an idea of where Christian might be. This front office soldier looked at me kind of confused and pointed to a framed picture with a black ribbon on its left corner that showed Christian. In that moment I was just thinking: " Is that guy f*cking kidding me?!" That must be the worst joke ever. But that private just nodded and explained to me how Christian was killed 2 days ago in an accident with an ammunition truck in the vicinity of Rustack.

      I am dumbfounded - I can´t feel anything - emptiness. I can´t believe it. How can Christian be gone? No talks, no hanging around at the MWR tent after duty having drinks or just watch the afghan heaven with all its stars at night and listen to the cicadas? All this should be over now?

      Everybody of the new ones were shocked when hearing this tragic news. To stay at good state of mental health everyone of us had to find away cope with such a loss. I have to keep focused on my mission. For that reason, I suppressed my feelings and thoughts at that moment. For now, I have to concentrate all my energy on my duties. I say Bye to that soldier and head the direct way to my accommodation. Arriving there I can´t hold it back any longer. For the first time in my life as a soldier I am overwhelmed by feelings of fear and helplessness. I can´t hold back the tears.

       I am alone in the tent. After some time I dry my

      tears and take care of my documents.

      An hour later I meet my boss from the J4 section, Major K. in the MWR tent. We´re discussing some topics regarding the hand over with our predecessors. During the conversation I don´t mention any word of Christian’s death. I cannot because I can´t even believe it. It just can´t be true. He is the second person I lost while being absent. First my grandma whom I was very close to. I wasn´t able to be there either when it happened. And now Christian too was dragged out of my life without giving me the chance to say good bye. How many more will I lose?

      Grief in the first hours

5. Every day camp life

      I

      n the following weeks we take over the duties from our predecessors. As mentioned before, my main duty in this first mission is a logistics administrator. A job that is mainly done in front of a desk and requires an awful lot of phone calls. But at least during my inspections of the individual subunits I was able to recognize and solve issues and take care of a lack of material in direct contact with the ones in need.

      Regarding our predecessors’ organisation of procedures, the ones that proved to be effective we kept. Other things were adjusted or let´s say improved to our requirements. Best example we had to face for the need of improvement was the topic fuel. Once having a closer look to the books, we found out that there was quite a difference between the amounts given out stated in the reports and the real amounts missing.

      That time I got to get in touch with a LTC of the Civil Military Cooperation (CIMIC), Armin F. He was brought to Kabul just for a few weeks to replace an CIMIC Officer being on leave. It was his second deployment to Afghanistan. We got along quite well from the very first day. Like being on the same page. We even found out that both of us were stationed in the same BN back home but at different times. I got the same positive feeling with Armin like I had with Christian before.

      Since Armin was doing his job mainly outside and I basically inside the camp we only had chance to catch up in the evening for a drink in the MWR tent and talk about the day. Armin had an interesting job at CIMIC and understood quickly what his major tasks were and in fact also why we were in this country and what our main goals were: To advise and help its people rebuild their land in every meaning of the word.

      Armin told me about our Forward Operating Bases (FOB) and outposts which were also run with the fuel I was responsible for. We agreed on a trip to these outposts to give me the opportunity to get my own picture of the situation. Shortly after I reported this idea to my commander and received the order for a drive to KUNDUZ area. It will be my first mission outside the safe walls of the camp.

      As soon as you want to leave the camp with a vehicle you need a driving order with a detailed description of the route. The reason for that is simple. The command staff need to be informed at all times which forces are moving or where they are located in order to be able to coordinate them or others if needed. Therefore, it is also mandatory to report your status every hour.

      Due to Armin´s vehicle already being packed with him, two other soldiers and the interpreter (a local Afghan person who is able to translate the Afghan languages and whose background is checked by our military counter intelligence service), I had to join the convoy with my own vehicle. Before starting we had a detailed brief about the route, how to act in various threatening situations and our individual roles in case of enemy contact.

      The first planned destination would be the ALIABAD outpost where the German Bundeswehr was operating together with Afghan national police. That is the first place where they use the mentioned fuel operated generators I wanted to take a look at. After that we planned to go to a printing house in POL-E-KHOMRI that was printing flyers for the upcoming elections of the afghan parliament. From there we would head back to our camp.

      Next morning at 0900 we get ready to deploy. I put on my bullet proof vest, my helmet, lock and load my rifle, do a radio check and move to the vehicles waiting already with running engines. We start. The afghan guards are opening the gates and we turn on the main exit road. The holes on the way are as big as truck tires and I have to drive carefully to avoid them. The streets are full. Not filled with cars but with donkey carts. Children playing in the street holes filled with yesterdays’ rain. "Wow, what a cool pool!" comes to my mind in the first place. But shortly after I realize how sad this picture actually is. How sad it is that these children don´t have proper playgrounds.

      The tour is done without any negative inncidents and we arrive back at camp late evening. The following days will be packed with lots of work. Due to the mentioned elections our contingent gets stocked up both in personnel and material. To house the planned amount of people we had to rearrange certain structures of the camp. I knew that in nearby future such short notice requirements won´t be a problem anymore since the new depot at the airport was almost done and was about to become operational at the beginning of 2006.

      Since the beginning of the ISAF mission in 2001 not only did the manpower increased over and over again, but also the combat equipment and all the support related material, which of course, had to be stocked up multiple times.

      Regarding all my tasks already described, you can imagine how fast the time went by. Days, weeks and months were just flying by. Sometimes strange things happened along the not so thrilling everyday tasks, like containers which were actually addressed to KABUL suddenly turning up at our camp while others addressed to us somehow popped up in FEYZABAD.

      But sometimes and all of a sudden good things also happen. One day I could not believe my eyes when Bridadier General A. shows up for inspecting the unit and I recognize him to be that Officer from back then tasting cake fudge in my field kitchen years ago. Now and then I also got the chance to join the transportation platoon at the airport and help them to load and unload the arriving and departing airlifters. There are airlifters coming in every day and night. This work takes a whole day although the airport is only less than 8 km away. Since the inspection of the transportation platoon is also part of my main duties I started to use