I am Harmony. Radhe Shyam

did not want to eat or drink, my mind was not directed toward ceremonies or singing sacred verses, so I decided to pass my time in sleep.

      "Unthinkingly, whilst going to sleep, I looked toward the door while stretching out my legs - and I saw Shri Bhagwan standing there! From where He had come, and when, these things are unknown. Due to lack of space, the suddenness of His appearance, overwhelming reverence, and weakness of body and mind, I could not get up, but sat up and put both my weak and sinful hands on His holy feet - speechless; I was struck dumb!

      "Even though my eyes were directed at His holy feet, I tried to catch a glimpse of His lotus-like face. For some time, He kept looking at me affectionately, as if making me His own by His Grace. I was oblivious of all external things. I was not aware of anything, except the intoxicating nectar of His Presence. Only that day did I realize my complete merging in Him - a true state of oneness with Lord Shiva Himself.

      "Breaking my trance-like condition, Shri Bhagwan asked, 'Baba, what do you want?' That sweet voice of Shri Bhagwan was indescribable. Saints like Shri Valmiki, Vaidvyas, and others, on such occasions, have thought silence the best speech. In His generous and compassionate presence, I became whole. He was as happy to call an orphan under His fearless protection as a nursing cow feels on seeing her weak and wobbly child! The beauty of His revered body, its fragrance, the delicacy of His skin and His gentleness were beyond not only my vision but my knowledge, also. Then, putting His hands on my head, He asked, 'Baba, what do you want?'

      "Hearing these words from His lotus-like appearance, and at the sight of His holy feet, I felt in my heart as if a royal father, seeing his son's pitiful condition, was instantly ready to give away everything to relieve him; so also was Shri Bhagwan eager to help me by bestowing on me the boon of all worldly and supernatural powers. Shri Bhagwan, Sambasadashiva, Lord of the Three Worlds and of all living creatures, was bestowing on me the great boon of salvation!

      "I was filled with ecstasy! To appear before His child like this! To grant my wish by His Grace! With delight and great happiness, keeping my hands pressed to His holy feet, in a low voice I said, 'Your blessings.' The compassionate Lord's eyes filled with tears; His strong heart melted. Putting both His holy hands again on my head, and saying, 'Baba, this way has been closed: He disappeared from my sight."⁴⁵

      It took some time for the overwhelmed Mahendra Baba to calm down. After a while, he unlatched his door and went out onto the verandah, looking everywhere in amazement and happiness, to see if he could see Lord Shiva again. The ashram priest came by and Mahendra Baba asked him to go and ask Shiromani to come to him, and to bring food from the shops in Sheetlakhet. Mahendra Baba stood confused as to whether what he had seen was a reality or a delusion.

      "...There were a number of reasons for my doubt. First of all, I have a doubting nature; secondly, Maharaj was not dressed in a cap and kurta [the long shirt] when He appeared to me; a short length of cloth was wrapped around His waist, and half of it was tied lower down. The cloth was very bright and attractive. In a semi-conscious condition, thinking of Shri Prabhu's compassion and power, again and again I was overpowered with the joy of His Presence.

      "Meanwhile, [Shiromani] arrived. The priest came a bit later with his purchases. I asked [Shiromani] what sort of clothes Shri Baba wore. In a grave voice, he explained that He had no special type of apparel. We sometimes made Him wear a kurta and cap, he said; sometimes a jacket and turban, and for a short time Shri Prabhu would accept whatever we gave. Generally, He had a dhoti [a long length of cloth], half of which was wrapped round the upper part of His body, and the rest around the lower part.

      "As soon as I heard this, my doubts vanished. Then, pointing to the side of the room Shri Bhagwan had glanced at just before He left, I asked him, ' [Shiromani], was there ever a door on this side of the room?' [Shiromani] was greatly astonished at this question. Falling at my feet, he asked, 'Are you deluding me? Are you yourself Shri Haidakhan Wale Baba? He, also, did not have any fixed likeness! The All-powerful Lord, putting on all sorts of forms; He was in the habit of appearing in various forms; He was God!' Saying this, he started weeping.

      "Now Shiromanji regained his composure and, holding me by the hand, took me into the room. He pointed out to me certain signs showing where a door-frame had been formerly, in the direction toward which Shri Maharaj had pointed. It was only a mark of where the door had been. I could not fully understand the significance of the door and so I re­quested [Shiromani] to explain it fully to me. He told me that Shri Maharaj's room had a door on that side, but one of the devotees had it blocked and opened another, for his own convenience. This was enough for me; I had been granted what I longed for, and my heart said that even if I died now, I had, by His great blessing, attained peace in this world.

      "For the next five or six days there was no will to do anything. Then a strong desire arose that the world should hear the blessed and compassionate message of Lord Shiva. Only He could save humanity in these dark days in the world. I examined and searched my heart minutely to see whether there was any lurking desire hidden in my heart to achieve greatness or fame for myself, which sought to be gratified in this way. But it is useless to write more about that, for by the Lord's blessing, such a motive was not there, and is not now present. The prompting of this wish was for the good of humanity only, and especially for those who believed in me as their spiritual teacher, and wished to attain salvation through my help - though often then, and even now, I explain my inability to give them this aid. I explained to them that this is all Bhagwan's Lila [God's activity or 'play'] and I was a mere messenger of His. But I felt I should give to humanity this blessed message of the Lord. So be it!"⁴⁶

      After leaving Siddhashram, Mahendra Maharaj made a visit to Haidakhan - the first of many visits there. He spent about a week in the cave where 'Old Haidakhan Baba' used to sit. During the third or fourth night of his stay, he was awakened by a rattling sound, which was repeated two or three times. When he fell asleep again, the noise woke him again and he jumped up in alarm. He was amazed at his fright; he had slept in fearful forests and on mountains without such fear. Thinking that whatever God sent him was for his good, "not out of faith or fear, but just to pass the time"⁴⁷ he started reciting prayers. He lost consciousness and in this state he composed prayers to Shri Munindra (one of the names of The Divine) through the power of divine Grace. Repeating the verses gave him great joy. But after saying them once, he started to forget them. He thought that if he had a pencil and a light he could have written them down. Then he thought that if they were inspired by God, God would not forget them but would bring them back to Mahendra Baba's memory in the morning, whereas if they were of his own making, there was no harm in forgetting them. So he went peacefully to sleep.

      A teacher from the village used to pass by the cave and bring milk to Mahendra Baba. At 8 a.m., the teacher found Mahendra Baba still asleep and awakened him, saying, "I think you are an educated person; take this pencil and paper in case you wish to write something."

      Before drinking the milk, Mahendra Baba sat on a stone near the river, in front of the cave, and, after saying a short prayer, he began writing the verses which had come to him in the night. "Ah! At that time each word of the invocations appeared as if illumined. With extreme joy I wrote down the mantric illuminated words with hands trembling with emotion; then, thanking God for His boundless grace and greatness, I drank the milk."⁴⁸

      Mahendra Maharaj stayed in the cave another three or four days and composed poetic invocations and prayers without any effort. Some gave teachings; others gave explanations of beautiful but difficult Sanskrit verses. The thought came to him that since childhood he had prayed that he did not want wealth, acclaim, beautiful women, or poetry, but here, by God's grace, he had acquired this poetic power which he was using with joy. He concluded this gift was an enticement, a test⁴⁹ - and Mahendra Maharaj tore up all his own compositions, saving the divinely given one, and left Haidakhan.

      Shri Manherlal K. Vora of Bombay states that soon after the experiences at Siddhashram and Haidakhan, Mahendra Baba came to the Vora home, still pondering his experiences, still wavering between faith and doubt. Mahendra Baba had Mr. Vora take him to Ramana Maharshi's ashram⁵⁰ at Tam Vana Malali near Madras. There Mahendra Maharaj was reassured that Haidakhan Baba was great, and was a reality, and that he (Mahendra Baba) was in good hands.

      Mahendra