The Deacon. Thomas Fargnoli

of Kings,’ the story of Jesus played by Jeffrey Hunter. Those movies touched me, and despite the fact that my parents never attended church, I always took that Sunday walk in my home town of Magnolia, to St. Gregory’s Church for Mass. I had no clue about what was being said, for it was in Latin, but I found so much peace there.”

      Rick politely interrupted, “Peace?”

      Smiling, I explained the best I could. “Well, as a kid, I couldn’t define it but I could feel it. Looking back, and defining it today, I would say it was a silence—a silence that allowed me to hear things that normally were drowned out by various noises. As I said, in looking back and trying to define that peace, I would say it was that silence that allowed me to get a glimpse of a connection between God and my own heart. I just felt close to him in that silence and I never forgot that feeling of peace.”

      “I understand, Tom—it was a feeling of everything is right in the world.”

      “Yes, that’s pretty much it.” Somewhat surprised at Rick’s understanding of the peace I felt, I continued, “As I grew, I started reading the Bible and became interested in many philosophies and religions. In college, I became interested in many of the Eastern philosophies and religions, such as Taoism and Buddhism. On the surface, they contained practical advice for moral conduct and action. Whatever the reason, they got my attention. I even studied Chinese Kung Fu, but as I continued to read and seek new ideas, religions, and philosophies, I was led back to Christianity. Through my studies in the Eastern philosophies and religions, I saw Christianity, specifically Catholicism, through an Eastern, or mystical view. Some of the writings that had a huge influence on me during that time of soul searching were from Alan Watts, Richard Bach, Og Mandino, Erich Fromm, Blaise Pascal, Mahatma Gandhi, Confucius, and especially Thomas Merton.”

      Rick interjected, “Can you give me a few examples of why you were moved by these authors?”

      “Sure!” I was always excited to talk about some of the authors that had such an influence on me. “Richard Back wrote a book called ‘Illusions.’ It was a story about the adventures of a reluctant messiah. Some of his thoughts were ‘freeing’ to me. One in particular was, ‘Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.’ Mahatma Gandhi said, ‘The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.’ Alan Watts made me relook at Catholicism in a mystical way. When bread and wine are transformed into the body and blood of Christ, well, that’s as mystical as you can get. All these writings seemed to provide a ray of truth for me. I was soon to learn that all of these rays of truth came from the one Holy Spirit. Looking back, I definitely felt guided as I explored all these concepts. Thomas Merton put it so eloquently. He said, ‘We have what we seek, it is there all the time, and if we give it time, it will make itself known to us.’ So, that’s what seemed to happen to me. I was going through what Merton went through. I was exploring all these Eastern philosophies and religions only to end up where I started in Catholicism. The difference for me, however, was that I no longer just went through the motions of saying prayers and going to church. I was introduced to meditation techniques and deeper prayer practices, all of which made the Mass become a very real experience for me. Consequently, my relationship with Christ also became very real and meaningful.”

      “As you talk about how these authors and philosophies, it seems clear to me that you had a hunger driving you. You said you were introduced to meditation techniques. Can you describe what that was like?”

      “One day while walking across the campus, there was a table set up and this couple was handing out brochures on Transcendental Meditation. I decided to go to the free presentation and before long I was meditating twice a day. I still meditate but not as regularly.”

      “So, you sit in a lotus position and repeat some type of mantra?”

      “Not really. I just sit comfortably on a chair for about 15 or 20 minutes and, yes, there is a mantra. It relieves stress and anxiety and increases energy, creativity, and awareness. As I look back over my life, it has been very effective across those areas and has helped me become more receptive in so many areas, particularly in my prayer life.”

      As Rick was still writing, he asked me, “So this peace you first experienced in your childhood now had meaning based on the various ‘rays of truth’ you found through the writings and influences you’ve mentioned?”

      “Yes! And there were many more—I just gave you a taste of the main ones, particularly Thomas Merton, who brought them all together for me in Catholicism. In addition to this exploration through books, I was dating my high school sweetheart, Maryellen Baxter. When I met Maryellen, I was a senior in high school and she was a junior. As I mentioned, I never had to go to church, but Maryellen, one of nine in an Irish Catholic family—she absolutely had to go to Mass. And of course, I had no intension of getting on the wrong side with her parents, so I gladly took her to Mass every week. As it turned out, during that time, a young priest at her parish, Father John, made such an impression on me. His homilies seemed to be aimed directly at me. As time went on, I asked him if he would meet with me. He agreed and that began a friendship that still exists today. In those early days, I shared with him my readings and interests and he shared with me a fresh and unique perception of spirituality and Christianity. Holy Scripture continued to have new meaning for me. I started to see some of the underlying meaning behind the stories of the Old Testament and how they were fulfilled in the New Testament and in particular, through the words and actions of Jesus.

      “I think that if I hadn’t fallen in love with Maryellen, I may have considered the priesthood. But as our love grew, so did an excitement about our future together—a future involving a home and a family. I choose that path because that was who I was. Again, Thomas Merton’s words come to my assistance during that time. He said, ‘Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone—we find it with another.’

      “We were married by Father John, of course, and the emphasis in my life became God, family, and job. We raised two beautiful children and attended Mass on most Sundays. The idea of becoming a deacon crossed my mind, but the kids were young and we thoroughly enjoyed all the activities they were involved in—baseball, football, cheerleading and so many more. In addition, we simply and thoroughly enjoyed being parents and all that came with it—the Christmas decorations, the dyeing of eggs on Easter Saturday, the rides and hikes through the woods, enjoying our golden retriever, Katie, remodeling the house, sitting by the fire, lighting candles, going to Disneyworld and Italy as a family, and on and on. We were truly blessed and we thanked God every day for our life together as a family. I always saw the diaconate in my peripheral vision and I knew it would be there when I was ready. More importantly, our love for God never stopped—we were quite aware that all our joy and beauty that we shared was because of him.

      “My son graduated college and started his career in civil engineering. When my daughter was close to her college graduation, I started to consider the diaconate once more. That ‘whisper’ kept coming. Maryellen and I had several conversations about it, as well as attended a session describing the deacon, his ministry, his wife, and the formation process. The diaconate required both the husband and wife to be actively involved, so it had been on our minds and we continued to pray about it. I also met with a few deacons to get their take on the diaconate. I was amazed to see how much a deacon really does. Most people just see the deacon at Mass assisting the priest.”

      “Yes, that was one of the reasons I wanted to write about your hospital ministry. I am sure most people are not aware of the various ministries that deacons are involved in.”

      “Yes, hopefully, you will talk to some of the deacons involved in prison ministry. It’s amazing to see how effective they are in the prison setting.”

      “I definitely will. Besides reaching a time in your life in which all the conditions were right for pursuing the diaconate, were there any other events that contributed to your decision?”

      “I remember one particular Sunday at Mass when I was in the middle of discerning whether or not to finally pursue the diaconate. And just to be clear, I mentioned discernment a few times now. Perhaps I should define that for your readers. Discernment, or more precisely termed, spiritual discernment,