Insomvita. Oleksandr Dan

I am only dealing with the facts as I see them: I have a patient on my couch in a state of hypnosis, while somebody, who does not identify himself with my patient, never manifested himself in his life, but only observed him throughout his life from somewhere inside his subconscious, is talking to me.”

      “Can separate personalities of one and the same person really live separate lives beyond their consciousness, have their own history, separate worlds?”

      “Well, that’s what we need to figure out. You, as someone who identifies himself separately, should understand that if there are other personalities in Trevor’s subconscious, you could disappear for a while with your world, history and life, which you feel is real. Somebody else could replace you. It is totally possible."

      “You think that my life in this… in my world is not real? Just Trevor’s imagination?”

      “If I think otherwise, then all my answers and your communication with me are just a creation of your brain. This would mean that me and this world and our conversation exist merely in your imagination.”

      “How will a psychologist help us?” Robert asked after doing something thinking.

      “With his help we will try to at least identify you and identify other personalities in Trevor’s subconscious, if any. You see, no matter how you identify yourself, for me you are the one living in Trevor’s subconscious. I’d like to experiment with your psychologist. Maybe, you won’t even find him. But if he does exist, maybe, that is just another personality. There may be many personalities. We need to define their number and then we will be able understand what, or, most likely, who we are dealing with.”

      “That just doesn’t make sense, Amanda. I have a completely different memory than Trevor. I live my own life here and up until today I could not manifest myself in Trevor’s life in any way. I have a job here, fiancée, friends, circumstances, ultimately… Trevor’s life is my permanent dream, and nothing more. As for his life, I am just a bystander in it.”

      “I understand that, Robert. The capabilities of our brain have not been studied enough, and some of its functions haven’t been studied at all, remaining a mystery for scientists. It’s psychology 101."

      “Amanda, you must understand that now, when you complete this session, I will wake up and go about my business. Right now, at this very moment, I am at a hotel in London, and in a few hours I have a flight to catch to Prague, where my colleagues and my girlfriend are waiting for me. And at night, when I fall asleep, I will dream again, and see the world through Trevor’s eyes. It has always been like this.”

      “Well, let’s at least try to do that, Robert. We have to start somewhere. A brain is a very complicated thing to study. We will try to find the truth through the subconscious. This is important, especially for you, because you are the one who is seeking it. Right?”

      “Alright,” agreed Robert after a while. “We will do it. I fly to Prague tomorrow and I will try to find a psychiatrist. But what do I say to him? How do I explain everything?”

      “You don’t need to explain anything to him. Just tell him everything you know about yourself and he will decide what to do. I am sure he will agree to the experiment.”

      “How much time do we have?”

      “I don’t know. If we stick to your convictions, you are the one in control and we are merely a part of your dream. But seriously speaking, I think we have a day, two at the most. I will try to schedule another appointment with Trevor for tomorrow.”

      Amanda ended the conversation and woke Trevor.

      The voice recorder stopped.

      Trevor and Amanda sat opposite each other and were silent.

      Finally, Amanda spoke. This time, her voice was not as steady as at the start of the session.

      “Trevor, psychology can ultimately explain a lot. It seems to me that we’ve got a lot of work to do. It is complicated because this is a unique case in my practice. I have never seen anything like it.”

      Trevor looked at Amanda, but couldn’t say a word. He could not understand what had just happened. It did not fit into the limits of ordinary concepts and his perception of things.

      “That was me?” He finally forced himself to speak.

      “It is totally possible that was you. Or one of your personalities.”

      “How is this possible?” asked Trevor. He was in a state of shock.

      “The human brain is a mystery even for us psychologists. I only wanted to take you back to yesterday, two days ago and then dig a bit into your past. But you heard it all.”

      “Amanda, is this really possible? Is this a disease?”

      “What is possible? Multiple personalities? It is possible. There is a scientific term for it too – dissociative identity disorder. I wouldn’t call it a disease, though. It’s something else…”

      “What happens to me now?”

      “Nothing, I think… I hope… If you’ve lived with this up until now, without suspecting anything, it is possible that everything will go back to the way it was before today.”

      Amanda then tried to explain to Trevor that some psychologists, and also individuals who identify themselves as having a split personality, believe that this condition is not a disorder, but rather a natural variation of human consciousness that has nothing to do with dissociation. She herself could not understand what she was dealing with, and so what she was saying was as much for herself as for Trevor.

      Trevor, however, was uncertain. He thought Amanda was just trying to calm him down.

      “You see, Trevor, many psychiatrists do not agree with the definition of multiple personality syndrome as a definitive disorder, but consider multiple personalities as mental disorder, that is, not a disease. Here, for example…" She looked around, went to a bookshelf, and came back with a big medical encyclopedia.

      “Here.” She flipped through several pages, found what she was looking for, and read: “Anthropologists Suryani and Gordon Jensen are convinced that the phenomenon of vivid trance in the community of Bali has the same phenomenological nature as the multiple personality phenomenon in the West. It is claimed that the people in shamanic cultures who experience multiple personalities do not define these personalities as a part of themselves, but as independent souls or spirits. There is no evidence of a link between multiple personalities, disassociation and the recovery of memories or sexual abuse in these cultures. In traditional cultures, multiple personalities shown, for example, by shamans or African sorcerers, are not considered a disorder or a disease.”

      “I don’t know anything about that, Amanda. I don’t understand a thing,” Trevor said dejectedly. He looked at Amanda and asked hopefully: “This is not a joke?”

      “At first, I thought so too… And to say that I am very confused about what happened is to say nothing. Let’s see tomorrow, if you don’t mind. We will prepare for the conversation more thoroughly tomorrow and try to understand what your subconscious has in store for us.”

      “So, that’s it for today?” he asked, confused.

      “Yes. I say we meet tomorrow at the same time and have another session. I recommend you rest today. Set aside all your business and thoughts. Just relax emotionally and psychologically. Go to a night club. That might work. Try not to think about what happened. Okay?”

      “Relaxing is all I’ve been doing lately,” Trevor grumbled.

* * *

      Robert opened his eyes. He woke up as suddenly as he had fallen asleep. It seemed as though the bed simply spit him out from somewhere inside the thick mattress. He was still very confused, as if he had been startled awake from a nightmare, and tried to concentrate. His heart was racing and his brain felt as though it was about to explode.

      Robert was not simply confused; he was surprised, shocked, stunned, because he just went from being a passive bystander to an active participant in his dream. That was something he had not expected.

      It