Mike. Пелам Гренвилл Вудхаус

said, "will go to their form-rooms and get their books and writing-materials, and return to the Hall."

      ("Good work," murmured Mr. Seymour to himself. "Looks as if we should get that holiday after all.")

      ​"The Sixth Form will go to their form-room as usual. I should like to speak to the masters for a moment."

      He nodded dismissal to the school.

      The masters collected on the daïs.

      "I find that I shall not require your services to-day," said the headmaster. "If you will kindly set the boys in your forms some work that will keep them occupied, I will look after them here. It is a lovely day," he added, with a smile, "and I am sure you will all enjoy yourselves a great deal more in the open air."

      "That," said Mr. Seymour to Mr. Spence, as they went downstairs, "is what I call a genuine sportsman."

      "My opinion neatly expressed," said Mr. Spence. "Come on the river. Or shall we put up a net, and have a knock?"

      "River, I think. Meet you at the boat-house."

      "All right. Don't be long."

      "If every day were run on these lines, school-mastering wouldn't be such a bad profession. I wonder if one could persuade one's form to run amuck as a regular thing."

      "Pity one can't. It seems to me the ideal state of things. Ensures the greatest happiness of the greatest number."

      "I say! Suppose the school has gone up the river, too, and we meet them! What shall we do?"

      "Thank them," said Mr. Spence, "most kindly. They've done us well."

      The school had not gone up the river. They had marched in a solid body, with the school band at their head playing Sousa, in the direction of Worfield, a market town of some importance, distant about five miles. Of what they did and what the natives thought of it all, no very distinct records remain. The thing is a tradition on the countryside now, an event colossal and heroic, to be talked about in the tap-room of the village inn during the long winter evenings. The papers got hold of it, but were curiously misled as to the nature of the demonstration. This was the fault of the reporter ​on the staff of the Worfield Intelligencer and Farmers' Guide, who saw in the thing a legitimate "march-out," and, questioning a straggler as to the reason for the expedition and gathering foggily that the restoration to health of the Eminent Person was at the bottom of it, said so in his paper. And two days later, at about the time when Retribution had got seriously to work, the Daily Mail reprinted the account, with comments and elaborations, and headed it "Loyal Schoolboys." The writer said that great credit was due to the headmaster of Wrykyn for his ingenuity in devising and organising so novel a thanksgiving celebration. And there was the usual conversation between "a rosy-cheeked lad of some sixteen summers" and "our representative," in which the rosy-cheeked one spoke most kindly of the headmaster, who seemed to be a warm personal friend of his.

      The remarkable thing about the Great Picnic was its orderliness. Considering that five hundred and fifty boys were ranging the country in a compact mass, there was wonderfully little damage done to property. Wyatt's genius did not stop short at organising the march. In addition, he arranged a system of officers which effectually controlled the animal spirits of the rank and file. The prompt and decisive way in which rioters were dealt with during the earlier stages of the business proved a wholesome lesson to others who would have wished to have gone and done likewise. A spirit of martial law reigned over the Great Picnic. And towards the end of the day fatigue kept the rowdy-minded quiet.

      At Worfield the expedition lunched. It was not a market-day, fortunately, or the confusion in the narrow streets would have been hopeless. On ordinary days Worfield was more or less deserted. It is astonishing that the resources of the little town were equal to satisfying the needs of the picnickers. They descended on the place like an army of locusts.

      Wyatt, as generalissimo of the expedition, walked into the "Grasshopper and Ant," the leading inn of the town.

      ​"Anything I can do for you, sir?" inquired the landlord politely.

      "Yes, please," said Wyatt, "I want lunch for five hundred and fifty."

      That was the supreme moment in mine host's life. It was his big subject of conversation ever afterwards. He always told that as his best story, and he always ended with the words, "You could ha' knocked me down with a feather!"

      The first shock over, the staff of the "Grasshopper and Ant" bustled about. Other inns were called upon for help. Private citizens rallied round with bread, jam, and apples. And the army lunched sumptuously.

      In the early afternoon they rested, and as evening began to fall, the march home was started.

       At the school, net practice was just coming to an end when, faintly, as the garrison of Lucknow heard the first skirl of the pipes of the relieving force, those on the grounds heard the strains of the school band and a murmur of many voices. Presently the sounds grew more distinct, and up the Wrykyn road came marching the vanguard of the column, singing the school song. They looked weary but cheerful.

      As the army drew near to the school, it melted away little by little, each house claiming its representatives. At the school gates only a handful were left.

      Bob Jackson, walking back to Donaldson's, met Wyatt at the gate, and gazed at him, speechless.

      "Hullo," said Wyatt, "been to the nets? I wonder if there's time for a ginger-beer before the shop shuts."

      ​

      CHAPTER XII

      MIKE GETS HIS CHANCE

       Table of Contents

      The headmaster was quite bland and business-like about it all. There were no impassioned addresses from the daïs. He did not tell the school that it ought to be ashamed of itself. Nor did he say that he should never ​have thought it of them. Prayers on the Saturday morning were marked by no unusual features. There was, indeed, a stir of excitement when he came to the edge of the daïs, and cleared his throat as a preliminary to making an announcement. Now for it, thought the school.

      This was the announcement.

      "There has been an outbreak of chicken-pox in the town. All streets except the High Street will in consequence be out of bounds till further notice."

      He then gave the nod of dismissal.

      The school streamed downstairs, marvelling.

      The less astute of the picnickers, unmindful of the homely proverb about hallooing before leaving the wood, were openly exulting. It seemed plain to them that the headmaster, baffled by the magnitude of the thing, had resolved to pursue the safe course of ignoring it altogether. To lie low is always a shrewd piece of tactics, and there seemed no reason why the Head should not have decided on it in the present instance.

      Neville-Smith was among these premature rejoicers.

      "I say," he chuckled, overtaking Wyatt in the cloisters, "this is all right, isn't it! He's funked it. I thought he would. Finds the job too big to tackle."

      Wyatt was damping.

      "My dear chap," he said, "it's not over yet by a long chalk. It hasn't started yet."

      "What do you mean? Why didn't he say anything about it in Hall, then?"

      "Why should he? Have you ever had tick at a shop?"

      "Of course I have. What do you mean? Why?"

      "Well, they didn't send in the bill right away. But it came all right."

      "Do you think he's going to do something then?"

      "Rather. You wait."

      Wyatt was right.

      Between ten