The Anatomy of Melancholy: Philosophy Classic. Robert Burton

worse himself, [338] cundem furtum facere et punire, [339]rapinam plectere, quum sit ipse raptor? Laws altered, misconstrued, interpreted pro and con, as the [340]judge is made by friends, bribed, or otherwise affected as a nose of wax, good today, none tomorrow; or firm in his opinion, cast in his? Sentence prolonged, changed, ad arbitrium judicis, still the same case, [341]"one thrust out of his inheritance, another falsely put in by favour, false forged deeds or wills." Incisae leges negliguntur, laws are made and not kept; or if put in execution, [342]they be some silly ones that are punished. As, put case it be fornication, the father will disinherit or abdicate his child, quite cashier him (out, villain, be gone, come no more in my sight); a poor man is miserably tormented with loss of his estate perhaps, goods, fortunes, good name, for ever disgraced, forsaken, and must do penance to the utmost; a mortal sin, and yet make the worst of it, nunquid aliud fecit, saith Tranio in the [343]poet, nisi quod faciunt summis nati generibus? he hath done no more than what gentlemen usually do. [344]Neque novum, neque mirum, neque secus quam alii solent. For in a great person, right worshipful Sir, a right honourable grandee, 'tis not a venial sin, no, not a peccadillo, 'tis no offence at all, a common and ordinary thing, no man takes notice of it; he justifies it in public, and peradventure brags of it,

      [345] "Nam quod turpe bonis, Titio, Seioque, decebat Crispinum"———

      "For what would be base in good men, Titius, and Seius, became

       Crispinus."

      [346]Many poor men, younger brothers, &c. by reason of bad policy and idle education (for they are likely brought up in no calling), are compelled to beg or steal, and then hanged for theft; than which, what can be more ignominious, non minus enim turpe principi multa supplicia, quam medico multa funera, 'tis the governor's fault. Libentius verberant quam docent, as schoolmasters do rather correct their pupils, than teach them when they do amiss. [347]"They had more need provide there should be no more thieves and beggars, as they ought with good policy, and take away the occasions, than let them run on, as they do to their own destruction: root out likewise those causes of wrangling, a multitude of lawyers, and compose controversies, lites lustrales et seculares, by some more compendious means." Whereas now for every toy and trifle they go to law, [348]Mugit litibus insanum forum, et saevit invicem discordantium rabies, they are ready to pull out one another's throats; and for commodity [349]"to squeeze blood," saith Hierom, "out of their brother's heart," defame, lie, disgrace, backbite, rail, bear false witness, swear, forswear, fight and wrangle, spend their goods, lives, fortunes, friends, undo one another, to enrich an harpy advocate, that preys upon them both, and cries Eia Socrates, Eia Xantippe; or some corrupt judge, that like the [350]kite in Aesop, while the mouse and frog fought, carried both away. Generally they prey one upon another as so many ravenous birds, brute beasts, devouring fishes, no medium, [351]omnes hic aut captantur aut captant; aut cadavera quae lacerantur, aut corvi qui lacerant, either deceive or be deceived; tear others or be torn in pieces themselves; like so many buckets in a well, as one riseth another falleth, one's empty, another's full; his ruin is a ladder to the third; such are our ordinary proceedings. What's the market? A place, according to [352]Anacharsis, wherein they cozen one another, a trap; nay, what's the world itself? [353]A vast chaos, a confusion of manners, as fickle as the air, domicilium insanorum, a turbulent troop full of impurities, a mart of walking spirits, goblins, the theatre of hypocrisy, a shop of knavery, flattery, a nursery of villainy, the scene of babbling, the school of giddiness, the academy of vice; a warfare, ubi velis nolis pugnandum, aut vincas aut succumbas, in which kill or be killed; wherein every man is for himself, his private ends, and stands upon his own guard. No charity, [354]love, friendship, fear of God, alliance, affinity, consanguinity, Christianity, can contain them, but if they be any ways offended, or that string of commodity be touched, they fall foul. Old friends become bitter enemies on a sudden for toys and small offences, and they that erst were willing to do all mutual offices of love and kindness, now revile and persecute one another to death, with more than Vatinian hatred, and will not be reconciled. So long as they are behoveful, they love, or may bestead each other, but when there is no more good to be expected, as they do by an old dog, hang him up or cashier him: which [355] Cato counts a great indecorum, to use men like old shoes or broken glasses, which are flung to the dunghill; he could not find in his heart to sell an old ox, much less to turn away an old servant: but they instead of recompense, revile him, and when they have made him an instrument of their villainy, as [356]Bajazet the second Emperor of the Turks did by Acomethes Bassa, make him away, or instead of [357]reward, hate him to death, as Silius was served by Tiberius. In a word, every man for his own ends. Our summum bonum is commodity, and the goddess we adore Dea moneta, Queen money, to whom we daily offer sacrifice, which steers our hearts, hands, [358]affections, all: that most powerful goddess, by whom we are reared, depressed, elevated, [359]esteemed the sole commandress of our actions, for which we pray, run, ride, go, come, labour, and contend as fishes do for a crumb that falleth into the water. It's not worth, virtue, (that's bonum theatrale,) wisdom, valour, learning, honesty, religion, or any sufficiency for which we are respected, but [360]money, greatness, office, honour, authority; honesty is accounted folly; knavery, policy; [361]men admired out of opinion, not as they are, but as they seem to be: such shifting, lying, cogging, plotting, counterplotting, temporizing, nattering, cozening, dissembling, [362]"that of necessity one must highly offend God if he be conformable to the world, Cretizare cum Crete, or else live in contempt, disgrace and misery." One takes upon him temperance, holiness, another austerity, a third an affected kind of simplicity, when as indeed, he, and he, and he, and the rest are [363]"hypocrites, ambidexters," outsides, so many turning pictures, a lion on the one side, a lamb on the other. [364]How would Democritus have been affected to see these things!

      To see a man turn himself into all shapes like a chameleon, or as Proteus, omnia transformans sese in miracula rerum, to act twenty parts and persons at once, for his advantage, to temporise and vary like Mercury the planet, good with good; bad with bad; having a several face, garb, and character for every one he meets; of all religions, humours, inclinations; to fawn like a spaniel, mentitis et mimicis obsequis; rage like a lion, bark like a cur, fight like a dragon, sting like a serpent, as meek as a lamb, and yet again grin like a tiger, weep like a crocodile, insult over some, and yet others domineer over him, here command, there crouch, tyrannise in one place, be baffled in another, a wise man at home, a fool abroad to make others merry.

      To see so much difference betwixt words and deeds, so many parasangs betwixt tongue and heart, men like stage-players act variety of parts, [365]give good precepts to others, soar aloft, whilst they themselves grovel on the ground.

      To see a man protest friendship, kiss his hand, [366]quem mallet truncatum videre, [367]smile with an intent to do mischief, or cozen him whom he salutes, [368]magnify his friend unworthy with hyperbolical eulogiums; his enemy albeit a good man, to vilify and disgrace him, yea all his actions, with the utmost that livor and malice can invent.

      To see a [369]servant able to buy out his master, him that carries the mace more worth than the magistrate, which Plato, lib. 11, de leg., absolutely forbids, Epictetus abhors. A horse that tills the [370]land fed with chaff, an idle jade have provender in abundance; him that makes shoes go barefoot himself, him that sells meat almost pined; a toiling drudge starve, a drone flourish.

      To see men buy smoke for wares, castles built with fools' heads, men like apes follow the fashions in tires, gestures, actions: if the king laugh, all laugh;

      [371] "Rides? majore chachiano Concutitur, flet si lachrymas conspexit amici."

      [372]Alexander stooped, so did his courtiers; Alphonsus turned his head, and so did his parasites. [373]Sabina Poppea, Nero's wife, wore amber-coloured hair, so did all the Roman ladies in an instant, her fashion was theirs.

      To see men wholly led by affection, admired and censured out of opinion without judgment: an inconsiderate multitude, like so many dogs in a village, if one bark all bark without a cause: as fortune's fan turns, if a man be in favour, or commanded by some great one, all the world applauds him; [374]if in disgrace, in an instant all hate him, and as at the sun when he is eclipsed, that erst took no notice, now gaze and stare upon him.

      To see a man [375]wear his brains in his belly, his guts in his head, an hundred