Love At A Distance. A. C. Meyer

the fear of getting sick extending its claws.

      After the bath, she sat on her bed with a towel wrapped around her hair and dressing a bathrobe in front of the TV and was zapping between news channels that incessantly repeated the same information about the virus that was taking over the world. What if she contracts that? What if she was already sick?

      – My God, there were thousands of people in that arena today, – she murmured, distressed.

      On TV, a doctor was being interviewed.

      – The infected patient may experience shortness of breath, coughing, fever… – She placed her hand on her forehead. It didn't seem to be hot. She wasn't coughing, but… definitely was short of breath. She saw her chest go up and down with difficulty and became even more nervous. Her hands sweated and she started shaking. Until a little speck of clarity whispered inside her head: calm down, that's just anxiety trying to control you. You are not sick. You will not die. Calm down.

      She turned the TV off. Listening to so many experts and journalists talking about that wouldn't do her any good. In other circumstances, that would be the time for her to open her social media and make videos, talking about the concert and the people she met, post photos on her feed and watch the repercussion. But now, all she wanted to do was to curl up like a ball and go to sleep.

* * *

      The following days, all the talk in the country was about the terrible pandemic. The number of the infected increased, as did deaths. She was isolated indoors as the health agencies recommended, but she felt more and more alone. Contrary to what she imagined; she had signed more advertisement contracts. She had decided to fire Renata for what she had done, but Sandro convinced her to reconsider. She was a person of trust and, at that moment, she was trying to protect her. Even if it was by wrong means.

      And that fear she felt that people said was unfounded, seemed to have taken everyone judging by what she saw on TV and on the internet. On social media, the hashtag #stayhome went viral. Everyone asked for those who didn't need to go out to avoid crowds.

      Obviously, Babi wouldn't come out for anything. The fridge was full and, for now, she didn't need anything. Alone in the flat, she spent her days watching TV programs about the coronavirus. She couldn't stop consuming everything that was said about it. The only posts she made on her social media were those related to work. Renata had made her a schedule of videos to record and she reserved an entire afternoon just to do that. She left everything ready and the posts programmed so she wouldn’t have to do it every day.

      Until she began to feel back pains and an intense headache. Then, the shortness of breath began. The difficulty to breath became such that she had to call Dr. Luiz and ask for help.

      They had a video conference appointment and he recommended that she tested to know if she was infected. She didn't tell anyone. She knew if she talked about it with someone on the team, the information would be leaked to the press and she wasn't ready to see the news that she was sick on the papers. She scheduled a home visit with the lab recommended by the doctor and got examined.

      Those were the two worst days of her life. When she received the result and saw it was negative, that she was not sick, it was as if someone had lifted a gigantic weight off her back. But the symptoms were still there. Increasingly intense.

      Anxiety crisis, the doctor diagnosed. Again.

      She couldn't handle everything. The disease. People suffering. Deaths. The loss of freedom. Loneliness. She knew how privileged she was in many ways, but that pain she felt in her soul was too much to bear.

      That night, she talked to her mother and brother before going to bed. They were well and healthy. Her mother was temporarily living with her eldest son in Belo Horizonte so she wouldn't be alone. After hanging up, Babi let out the tears she'd been holding back since it all started. She was trying to be strong, keep up a schedule and deal with isolation, but all at the expense of her broken heart. She couldn't understand how that could be happening. It was 2020, after all. Something like that was unimaginable.

      Sitting in the living room, she looked around at the well-decorated room. It was as if everything was as it always was. As if her world – and probably that of millions of people – hadn't changed. As if it continued exactly as it should be.

      But everything had changed.

      Looking around the room again, she felt as if the walls were closing in little by little. It was then that the memory of one of the recurring dreams of her almost sleepless nights came to her mind. Closing her eyes, she remembered clearly, the small house in the outskirts of the city where she was born, in the countryside of Minas Gerais. Where she, her mother and older brother used to spend New Year evenings.

      An idea started to take form. Should I…?

      With her eyes closed, she could almost smell the flowers in the house's backyard, which were cared by Mr. Antonio, the caretaker who would go there once a week. She loved that place. Every time she went there, it was like recharging her batteries and renewing himself.

      – That's it – she told herself. She got off the couch and went straight to the closet to pack her bags. She was alone in that flat, at least she'd be alone in her favorite place in the world. She needed some time for herself, away from everything. From that world she was living in.

      She picked her cell phone and pressed the speed dial. When her call was picked up, she went straight to the point.

      – Suspend all activities. Except for what is already scheduled to be posted on social media, I don't want to make any more posts for now.

      –But Babi… – Renata protested, but the girl did not let her finish.

      – Tell the accountant to keep paying the team normally and let him know that we're going to keep everyone's job, but we're taking a break.

      She had invested much of what she earned and was able to keep the team employed.

      Thank God for the little miracles. She didn't even want to think about the possibility of having to fire someone in the middle of a pandemic.

      – But this is a great time for you to make money. There are sponsors interested in promoting live streams with you.

      – That's enough, Renata. I don't care about live streams. I'm tired of hearing about live streams. I'm not a singer, actress or someone like that who has entertainment to offer. This is a serious moment. We're living a pandemic. People need to feed their souls with good things, not frivolities. And so, do I. I'm going to Minas. I need some time.

      She could almost see Renata placing her middle finger in her forehead, searching for self-control and arguments to dissuade her from the idea. But she was determined to retake control of her life.

      – Very well – the manager said grudgingly. – I'll pull the brakes here. Maybe it will be good for you to be away for a while. Back in that end of world where you like to go, things must be a little calmer with regard to the pandemic.

      For the first time in many days, Babi opened a true smile. She was still afraid of the disease, anguished, with feelings of uncertainty, and lonely. But she was going home. Finally, something seemed to be getting into place.

      Chapter Two

      After spending hours on the road, Babi finally took the country road that would take her home. She was tired and hungry but didn't want to stop on the way. She didn't think it was safe. During the three-and-a-half hour’s trip, she listened to her favorite songs, arranged in a playlist created especially for when she went home and ate almost an entire package of Oreos she had brought on impulse.

      Slowing down, she glanced at the almost empty package on the passenger seat, feeling guilty. She didn't have the habit of eating unhealthy food, her diet was well balanced, but in the last weeks she'd been abusing sweets. Mostly the Oreo packages she had hidden in her storeroom and that were her weak point.

      Besides the cookie package, she had brought, also on impulse – despite having promised herself she wouldn't post anything while she was away