Run Away, My Angel. Virginie T.

stubble that gives men a deliciously manly air, he sports a several week beard that instantly irritated my skin when he kissed me to greet me. Only the muscles are in line with her old boyfriends. Leon has biceps as big as my thighs, covered with tribal tattoos that intrigue me. Curious by nature, I ask him questions to discover what has seduced our sparkling Lilas.

      — What do you do for a living, Leon?

      — I´m a computer scientist. I track cybercriminals on the web to help the police.

      Wow. That's serious. I'm impressed. Has maybe Lilas drawn the right number?

      — You're doing an important job.

      He laughs, with a deep bass laugh, that makes his eyes squint, with some fine wrinkles showing in the corners of his eyes.

      — I have skills in this area. In fact, I just type on my keyboard all day long, comfortably seated in my desk chair, and I send by email to the police station any important data that I discover.

      And modest about it. Obviously, Brandon has to get involved. The suspicious and protective brother is back.

      — You're not a cop then?

      — No, I've never even met most of the inspectors who call me. I work freelance and everything happens remotely most of the time. It's rare that I have to go there. I'm more of a stay-at-home guy type.

      I intervene before my darling turns this dinner into a fiasco with unfounded and rude remarks.

      — Who wants some coffee?

      I prepare the hot drinks with the help of Beth who seems on a small cloud.

      — What are you dreaming about?

      She shakes her head without answering, making her short blonde locks fly in all directions.

      — Come on! I'm your best friend. You have no right to hide anything without first putting me in the loop.

      — You'll know everything at the same time as everyone else.

      — Beth! Don't be a jerk. What?

      She keeps her mouth tightly closed. Only I have enough to taunt her too.

      — If you tell me your secret, I’ll tell you mine.

      Her eyes light up and she points two laser beams at me.

      — You have no secrets. You always tell me everything the minute something happens to you.

      — That's right. Only it happened just before you arrived and I didn't have time to call you.

      She scrutinizes me, determined to unravel the true from the false.

      — Are you changing jobs again?

      My shoulders slump. Beth has the same opinion as Brandon when it comes to the way I manage my professional life, and one discussion a day on this topic is enough for me. I do not want to talk about this again today.

      — That’s not the subject we are interested in.

      My friend understands the message and luckily, she does not insist. I thank her silently, my morale suddenly undermined by not living up to the expectations of the people who matter most to me.

      — Okay. Don't look at me with puppy eyes, I can't stand it. Are you ready to jump for joy for me?

      I shake my head vigorously, eager to hear the news first.

      — Tom is coming to live with me. He's put his New York apartment up for sale and he's already found a job in Montreal.

      — Wow, wow.

      There you go, it is not right. My friend tells me that she is settling down with her boyfriend and that is all I can say to her. I mentally shake, I slap myself, and I jump on her to hug her with all my strength.

      — Congratulations, I'm so happy for you.

      I know that Beth always had doubts about their relationship. Not because of her boyfriend’s lack of commitment. Tom devotes boundless love to her and everyone can see it, but because of the distance between them that would put any couple to a test. I am glad she endured, without ever losing hope, because today this is paying back. She will live with her man. She is so moved that she sheds a tear despite her dazzling smile.

      — What about you? What's your secret Mallory?

      Mine is a little pale, since it is only a promise, but a promise that I intend to keep then...

      — Brandon wants us to have a child.

      — What?

      — Brandon wants a baby.

      My friend stays silent. Too much. And I thought she would rejoice for me!

      — What's the problem? Don't you like Brandon?

      — You know that I do. I'm surprised, that's all. You keep changing jobs. It's not an ideal situation to conceive a child. Don't you think?

      Obviously. Beth has a practical mind, just like my fiancé.

      — I promised Brandon I'd get a job and I’ll keep it. That's the condition for us having a child together.

      — I see.

      His remark vividly stings me.

      — What is what you see?

      Beth is well aware she is walking on eggshells and she takes the time to gather her ideas, under my somber gaze.

      — Mallory, you've been a great girl and my best friend for too long to keep counting the years, but professional consistency is not your strong point.

      — You don't think I can keep a promise I made to my fiancé?

      — Mal, it’s not that...

      — I'll prove to you that I can change. You'll see, I'll do it.

      With that, I return with my guests, more determined than ever to prove myself.

      Chapter 2

      Mallory

      For months I have tried to keep this damn promise and I only went from disappointment to disappointment. I am unable to know what I should do in terms of work. I chain experiences in various fields in search of answers, from being the cashier in a bottling factory and a tour guide to a medical secretary, and it becomes more and more difficult to explain my so unrelated choices during my job interviews. Recruitment managers feel that I am not trustworthy since I change jobs so often, and now most refuse to give me a chance despite my impeccable motivation.

      As for those who do, they irretrievably end up dismissing me blaming me for my lack of compromise. I am in a dead end, more depressed than ever, and I cannot even confide in Beth. Since our argument during the meal at home, our relationship has deteriorated. No, that is not the right word. Let's rather say that we have distanced from each other. Mainly my fault, I must admit it. At first I justified my behavior by pointing out that since she was settling down with Tom, both needed privacy to build their new life. The truth is I have distanced myself. I did not want to read the disappointment in her eyes with each of my new failures. I have enough with Brandon’s. Beth was right to doubt me and I resent myself the most. It is true! What is wrong with me that I am unable to settle down for good? If I don’t do it for my fiancé, then what the hell can make me decide to ask this to myself?

      I am not the only one who does not know what I want. As I supposed, Lilas and Leon split after a few months. I note that she is progressing. Usually the count was in weeks. It is a pity. I like Leon. We saw each other several times for our foursome outings and I admit a friendship was born between us. Even today, despite the fact that he is no longer with Lilas, we continue to see him. He is by the way the only friend I can really confide in without him judging me. He has kind of become my confidant, and I can never thank him enough to be there for me under all circumstances. After an umpteenth argument with Brandon, he told me in a joking tone that I should leave Brandon and start a relationship with him. I adore Leon, but I don't see