With Child. Andy Martin

      But readers have had enough of traditionalists, Ph.D. patricians like Bloom and Franzen aristocratically pissing on them from atop their ivory towers. And the internet enables them to band together and show their muscle. Child and King are the opium of the people; and the people were definitely high at Harvard. God Save the King! Long live the Child!

11 A FRUSTRATINGLY ONE-WAY TELEPHONE CONVERSATION (EXCEPT JUST AT THE END)

      We are in a car going downtown. 10 September 2015, around 6 p.m. (EST). Heading to Union Square, Barnes & Noble. The official New York launch. Lee’s phone buzzes. He looks to see who is calling. Turns to me. Raises eyebrows. Whispers, ‘Hollywood.’ Presses Accept.

      HOLLYWOOD: …

      LEE: Yeah, you can say that again.

      HOLLYWOOD: …

      LEE: Is that hardcore enough for you?

      HOLLYWOOD: …

      LEE: Has Tom seen it?

      HOLLYWOOD: …

      LEE: Seriously?

      HOLLYWOOD: …

      LEE: Sounds good to me.

      HOLLYWOOD: …

      LEE: [sarcastic] I have a dream that one day it will be made into a movie.

      HOLLYWOOD: …

      LEE: [checking his email] OK, yeah, I’m getting it now.

      HOLLYWOOD: …

      LEE: You’ll be the first to know.

      He presses the off button.

      ‘You want to know how that conversation started?’

      ‘What do you think?’

      ‘He said, “I’ve just finished Make Me and you are one sick bastard.”’

      ‘Good call, Hollywood.’

‘They said if this one takes off then we get another three. A series. A franchise. Cool or what?’

      The producer had just emailed him the script for Never Go Back. That was what was coming through. He promised to have a look at it. They needn’t have sent it. The contract gave him no editorial rights. Nor did he want any. Still, they respected him too much not to at least show him the current draft.

      Maybe it served him right that the very first question (I kid you not) at the Q & A was, ‘What do you think about Tom Cruise playing Reacher?’

      What I remember of his answer struck the right note: ‘I am the least worried guy on the planet.’ The great thing for him was that he had absolutely no responsibility. ‘If you don’t like the movie, stick to the book.’

12 ATTEMPT AT AN EXHAUSTIVE DESCRIPTION OF PEOPLE AT BARNES & NOBLE WHO WERE HAVING THEIR PHOTOGRAPHS TAKEN WITH LEE CHILD

      Husband and wife. Sixty-plus. Well preserved. Good hair. Cosmetic surgery? The wife goes around the table to stand right next to Lee. The husband takes the shot. ‘We’ve come all the way from …’ She is going to email Lee her address.

      Hawaiian shirt. Big guy. Shorts. It’s a look.

      Balding man in yellow shirt.

      Her t-shirt says ‘Levi’s’ on the front.

      Yoga girl.

      Two women. Older, CEO type. Younger, tight pants. ‘My co-worker’. Older woman, glasses and blue top. Three copies of Make Me. ‘We’re going to see the movie.’ (Lee: ‘They make it more violent than the book!’)

      Short denim shorts, frayed. Red blouse. Twenty-something. ‘I love the young Reacher stories.’ (Lee: ‘So do I.’)

      Woman, black hair, jeans, fitting. Asian? Native American? Jewellery. Black shirt. Tight.

      Twenties. Blonde. Purple top, shorts, trainers. Nice legs.

White button-down, Levis, glasses. Scholarly sort of guy. Artist/web entrepreneur.

      Guy. Check shirt, helmet of prematurely grey hair. Thirty-something.

      Woman, red hair, long black coat. The red and the black.

      Baseball cap. The right way round. Latino-Californian. Aims camera right in Lee’s face. ‘Ten seconds on Make Me. Starting now …’ (And Lee gave him precisely ten seconds.)

      Black guy, blue shirt, tan shoes, gold glasses.

      Young Vikram Seth.

      Woman with page-boy cut. And telescoped umbrella. Goes for the over-the-shoulder pose.

      Black woman with big suitcase on wheels. Goes around to Lee’s side. Moves well. Dancer?

      Balding. ‘Who Wants Pie?’ on the t-shirt. Cut-offs, green backpack. Goes around. Looks like the answer to his question is, ‘I do.’

      Retired Columbia professor. Good hair. Blue shirt. Leonard Bernstein-lookalike.

      Woman with glossy dark blue hair. (Lee: ‘I love the hair – awesome!’) Goes around.

      Very tall woman with red hair. ‘Good to see you again.’ A regular.

      Twenty-something. Screenwriter. Woman. ‘This is for my Mom. She told me to read Reacher.’ (Lee: ‘Always listen to your Mom’.)

Young (male) writer. White t-shirt. Tall, slim with broad shoulders. (Lee: ‘My advice is ignore all my advice. Do what you want to do and see what happens.’)

      (‘Hello, ladies.’) Blue and pink. They go both sides. Lee sandwich. (‘Did you get me?’)

      Big guy. Zip-up black leather jacket. Black jeans. Salomon trainers. Goes the other side.

      Woman all in black. Short skirt. Muscular. Lisbeth Salander type.

      Tom Selleck moustache. ‘Midtown North’ t-shirt. On the back: ‘New York City. THE WORLD COMES TO US.’

      Woman who loves The Affair (Reacher 16). Thirties. Art nouveau motif on dress. Voluptuous. Boyfriend Adrian. (Lee: ‘Has he got life insurance?’)

      Cop. Yes, doughnuts, but in fair shape. Hair grey, but it’s there. ‘I try to be like Reacher.’ (Lee: ‘Thanks for keeping us safe.’) Five copies of Make Me! Goes around.

      Man and wife. Dotty blouse, striped shirt. ‘We both love Reacher.’

      Blue tattoos. Blue t-shirt, legend: ‘SOMETIMES YOU FEEL LIKE A NUT. Almond Joy.’

      Girl, ginger hair. Nose ring. Sleeveless top.

      Woman in elegant black dress. New York Times journalist now working for Serial. Leaves with guy. White hair and crumpled khaki jacket. They go and have dinner at Peace Food Café on 11th.

      I was that guy, so I have to stop there.

There is no ‘type’ of reader. Everyone is different. Then again …

      I almost forgot to mention the deranged, obsessive fan (other than me).

13 THE DERANGED, OBSESSIVE FAN

      I couldn’t help but notice, at the very end of Finders Keepers, Stephen King had written a message to the reader. The last lines in the book. ‘And you, CONSTANT READER. Thank God you’re still there after all these years. If you’re having fun, I am, too.’ Heartfelt, of course, sincere, but at the same time it sounded a little bit desperate. Perhaps apologetic. Because the rest of the book was all about Fear of the Fan.