I Am Not a Number. Lisa Heathfield

names, where you live. Your families.’ He looks at each of us. ‘We’ll be watching you.’

      We walk up through the long grass.

      ‘Go straight home,’ Luke whispers to me.

      ‘You too.’

      I want to kiss him but daren’t even touch his hand. Instead, I turn and start to run, my feet hard on the pavement. I don’t stop until I’m home.

      Mum is already in the kitchen. My blood is still stumbling from that soldier’s close breath. She puts down the kettle when she sees me.

      ‘You’ve got one too,’ she says, touching the Core band on my arm. ‘They came into work.’ She takes off her coat and there’s a band of purple on top of her nurse’s uniform. ‘Apparently it’s just in our area, though.’

      ‘What do you mean?’

      ‘We’re being used as some sort of trial. If it works they’ll make the rest of the country wear them.’

      ‘Brilliant,’ I say.

      ‘Did they make Lilli choose?’ she asks, as she puts her coat over the back of a chair.

      I nod. I don’t want to tell her, to even say it out loud, that Lilli chose a Trad band. But Mum can tell by my face.

      ‘Don’t be angry with her,’ I say. Mum looks knackered as she sits down. ‘She only chose it because her friends did. And if it’s just a trial for a few days then it’s not a big deal.’

      Mum nods. ‘I’ll go and talk to her. I think she’s in her room.’

      She gets up again already and it looks like she’s carrying a hundred weights on her shoulders. In the doorway she stops.

      ‘Ruby, I’m not sure these bands are just for a few days. I think things out there are going to start getting ugly.’

      ‘Like how?’

      ‘I’ve never known our country to feel so divided and that’s not a good place for it to be in. There are all sorts of rumours about arrests and blocking off streets, but with so many lies it’s hard to know what’s true.’

      ‘The Core Party speaks the truth,’ I say.

      ‘Mostly,’ she says, before she goes up the stairs.

      The kitchen is usually a bit of a sanctuary for me. Second to my bedroom, it’s my favourite place in our house. But now it somehow feels hollowed out and any air that’s left slides inside me when I breathe and sits like a dead bird in my stomach.

CHAPTER TWO

      ‘Enough of the swarms of people entering our country. We will close our doors against the scum of the world, those who suck our country dry.’ – John Andrews, leader of the Traditional Party

      ‘You’re not coming and that’s final.’ Darren’s talking with his mouth full, which Mum always tells us not to.

      ‘You’re not my dad,’ I say quietly, but loud enough for him to hear.

      ‘No, but he’s your stepdad, so that’s the next best thing,’ Mum says. ‘Besides, we need you to stay home to look after Lilli.’

      ‘But I want to come.’ Tonight’s demonstration is apparently going to be the biggest local one yet. The armbands they gave out earlier have unsettled the Core supporters and people want to protest before the Trads have a chance to make the rest of the country wear them.

      ‘Well, you can’t.’ Darren has finished his meal in about one second. I don’t think he means to slam his fork down quite as hard as he does. ‘Nothing is worth putting you girls at risk.’

      Lilli might lap up this violin talk from him, but it doesn’t work with me.

      ‘Then how come it’s okay for Mum to go with you?’ I ask.

      ‘Because we’ll be fine,’ Mum says. ‘And it’s better than us sitting back and doing nothing. We have to stand up to them before things go too far.’

      ‘Dad would let me go,’ I say, but even though he’s a hardline Core supporter I’m not sure he would.

      ‘Well your dad’s not here,’ Mum says, taking my sharp words and throwing them back so they hurt me instead. ‘And if he chooses to live hundreds of miles away then he loses the right to make day-to-day decisions.’

      Darren stands up. He’s usually the one who makes us all wait until everyone’s finished eating. Even on those nights when he wants to rush off to the gym.

      ‘Will the protest make a difference?’ Lilli asks. She looks so young. When I was twelve all I had to worry about was whether my hair was the right length.

      ‘We’ve got to try something to make them listen,’ Mum says. But she must know that even if we all had megaphones and shouted from the tallest hill, the Trad’s ears are so bunged up with their prejudices and their egos that they’ll never hear us.

      ‘Don’t answer the door to anyone,’ Mum says. She’s all wrapped up for winter, even though it’s only September. Maybe she feels protected underneath her coat and scarf.

      ‘Just stay inside and watch a film together,’ Darren says, putting his hand on my arm. He’s frightened, I can tell. Underneath a weird energy that’s fizzing off him there’s something deeper that he’s trying to hide.

      ‘Will it be dangerous?’ Lilli asks.

      ‘Of course not,’ Mum says. ‘It’s just a peaceful protest to get our voices heard.’

      ‘You said it might be a risk,’ I say to Darren.

      ‘We’d just prefer you to stay here and look after Lilli,’ he tells me.

      ‘I don’t think they’ll be expecting so many of us,’ Mum laughs, as if she’s just going to a party or something.

      ‘They’ve got guns, Mum,’ I say and her smile disappears.

      ‘They only have them to scare us. They won’t use them, Ruby,’ Darren says.

      ‘How do you know?’ Suddenly I don’t want my mum to go. I don’t even want Darren to go.

      ‘They’ve got messed up ideas,’ Mum says, ‘but they’re not murderers.’

      ‘Can’t you stay here?’ Lilli asks as Mum kisses her on the head.

      ‘We have to stand up for what’s right,’ she says.

      ‘Come on, Kelly, we’ve got to go,’ Darren says and he opens the front door.

      ‘I love you, Mum,’ I say, but I’m not sure she hears as she’s already walking down the path.

      Darren hugs Lilli, but he knows not to try with me. ‘We won’t be long, but don’t stay up if it’s late.’ And he waves at us as he runs after Mum.

      ‘Right,’ I turn to Lilli, my voice too bright. ‘Popcorn and a movie?’ She looks at me as though she’s waiting for the walls around us to crumble into dust. ‘They’ll be fine, Lils,’ I tell her over my shoulder as I walk into the kitchen. ‘They’ll be back before we know it.’

      I get a message from Luke as soon as I open the cupboard.

      Dad and I are going to the protest.

      I’m not that surprised. His dad’s taken him on protest marches since before he could walk. But it makes me feel even more annoyed that Darren won’t let me go.

      See you there, I text back before I even think about it.

       You’re coming?

      Yes. I’ll look out for