A Father This Christmas?. Louisa Heaton

      How to tell him that he was father to a beautiful, bright, funny, gorgeous three-year-old boy, who obsessed over lions and tigers and looked exactly like him?

      She swallowed a lump in her throat as fear overturned her stomach. Nausea unsettled her. A close sweat beaded her brow as guilt and shame overflowed from the box where she normally kept all those feelings tightly locked away.

      What was she to do?

      * * *

      Eva slammed a patient file down hard on the doctors’ desk, the slap of cardboard on table echoing around the department, then sank heavily into a chair. Her fingertips punched into the keyboard as she began to write up some notes. She had no time. They were already running behind. Patients were filling up the waiting area and two were about to breach the four-hour limit.

      Patients who had turned up because there were no district nurses to unblock catheters. Patients who were filling the corridors because there were no beds to put them in. Patients who were turning up just because they didn’t want to be alone at home and they needed someone to talk to just a couple of weeks before Christmas.

      The need to immerse herself in work and forget about the new doctor was overwhelming.

      If she absorbed herself in work it wouldn’t give her any time to think about him.

      The guy who’d turned her neat little world around in just one night.

      Even now she told herself she still didn’t know what had happened that night. How had he managed to put her under his spell? She knew it had been a difficult and long day at work. She’d almost not gone to that stupid party. But it had been Christmas Eve, and she’d put herself down to work on Christmas Day, and the need to celebrate the season, despite not having any family of her own, had made her go. Just to have a drink or two with friends. Chill out for a moment.

      And she’d done that. Had actually been enjoying herself for a brief time when she’d noticed him across the room.

      Those eyes. Those piercing blue eyes. But she had noticed something in his gaze. A loss—a grief so deep it had called to her.

      She’d recognised emotional pain. And, having been in a similar place herself, she’d hoped she could soothe him. No one had ever helped her. But maybe she could help him? Just for a moment, if nothing else.

      Then, when he’d noticed her, something had happened. Something weird and dreamlike. As if the rest of the world had melted away and it had been just the two of them, standing in front of each other. Close. Almost touching. He’d said his name and then she’d been in his arms. Dancing with him. Swaying with him. Their bodies mirroring the other, blending together, matching the other.

      Melting into one.

      There’d been something magical that night.

      And it seemed he was still magical now!

      How involved would he want to be with his child? He might not even care! He might not want anything to do with them! Perhaps he’d be the type of guy who only paid child support. She wouldn’t hate him for that. She’d be disappointed, but in fact she quite liked the idea that she wouldn’t have to share Seb. She enjoyed it being just the two of them. It had always just been the two of them. She’d never had to share him.

      Jacob could be in a relationship already with someone else. A man who looked the way he did? Of course he would be! A man like him wouldn’t be single. If she’d ever entertained any grand idea that they would somehow end up together...

      Her hand holding the pen trembled. She put it down for a moment and just sat for a second or two to pause and gather herself, to take in a deep breath and steady her jangled nerves. She could feel her heart slowing, could breathe more easily. Could act the professional doctor she believed herself to be.

      Picking up her patient notes, she strode off to Minors.

      * * *

      Leo Rosetti had been brought in by his wife, Sonja. His knee hurt, and despite his taking painkillers at home nothing would touch it.

      Eva entered the cubicle smiling, and closed the curtain behind her. ‘Good morning, Mr Rosetti. I’m Eva, one of the doctors here in A&E. Can you tell me what’s happened this morning to bring you in?’

      There. That was better, she thought. Focus on the patients. Not on the fact that a certain someone had re-entered her life and turned it upside down and inside out.

      ‘Well, Doctor, I’ve got this terrible pain here.’ He leaned forward on the bed and rubbed at his left knee through his trousers. ‘It’s awful, I tell you. Really hurts.’

      ‘And how long has it been like this?’

      ‘Since the beginning of December now, and I really don’t feel well in myself, either. It’s not good for a person to live with pain day after day.’

      No. It wasn’t. Especially the emotional kind.

      ‘He’s diabetic, Doctor,’ the wife interjected. ‘And he’s got osteoarthritis in both his knees. Had it for years. But he says this is different.’

      Eva asked if he could roll up his trouser leg and she examined the grossly swollen knee. ‘Are you on any meds, Mr Rosetti?’

      ‘Leo, Doctor, please. I’m on metformin for the diabetes.’

      She gave him a general check and then carried out a primary survey, asking questions about his general state of health, taking his BP and arranging for a full blood count and an X-ray, even though Leo said he hadn’t knocked or damaged the knee as far as he knew.

      ‘Will he be all right, Doctor? We’re going away this weekend.’

      ‘Oh, yes? Anywhere nice?’

      ‘Africa—well, Kenya specifically. We’re going on safari. Thought we’d do something different for Christmas, now that the kids have flown the nest.’

      Africa. What was it with Africa?

      She coloured as she thought of Jacob and what it had been like to see him again. That intense look in his eyes. Still with the power to make her go all weak at the knees as it once had.

      Feeling guilty at having let her mind wander whilst she was with a patient, she smiled quickly. ‘I’ll be back in a moment to do the bloods.’

      She pulled the curtain across and exhaled quietly and slowly, closing her eyes as she tried to gather her thoughts, her hand still clutching the curtain.

      Seriously—what was going on here? Why was she allowing herself to get so worked up?

      So Jacob was here? Big deal! He was just a guy. Just a...

       I need to pull myself together!

      This was not like her! She was normally an organised person. Efficient. She didn’t get distracted at work! There was too much at stake to let personal feelings get in the way whilst she was there.

      A distracted doctor was a dangerous doctor.

      She hurried back to her seat to write up her notes, managing a weak smile as Sarah settled next to her.

      ‘You okay?’

      ‘Sure!’ She tried to answer cheerily. ‘Just...you know...busy.’

      ‘Really? You seem a bit flushed about that new guy. Anything I can do?’

      ‘Short of growing another pair of arms? Seriously, I could really do without having to babysit a new doctor—’

      ‘So how do you know him?’

      Her cheeks burned hot. ‘I don’t—not really. We only met once before.’

      ‘Come on! He knew your name! You know him. How come?’

      Eva stared hard at her friend, afraid to give the answer. Afraid to voice the thing that mattered the most to