Accidental Dad. Lois Richer

everyone was gathered in the graveyard with the chilly wind tugging at their garments, Pastor Don spoke about the resurrection when they would see Jake and Marina again. After a gentle prayer, the matching caskets were lowered into the cold ground.

      “Ashes to ashes...” The familiar words took on new meaning as Pastor Don tossed a handful of dirt over the caskets and then led them in reciting the Lord’s Prayer. Then it was over, the sad celebration for two vibrant lives.

      It was over but Kelly couldn’t move. Time seemed to freeze. It isn’t enough, she wanted to yell. There should be something more to leave the mark of two wonderful people. But she couldn’t dwell on that. Her job was to ensure the twins were all right. She glanced sideways at the two small girls who, hand in hand, stepped to the edge of the grave. They hadn’t discussed this. Kelly glanced at Sam, knew he was about to restrain them until Sadie spoke.

      “Bye, Mommy and Daddy. We love you.”

      Emma simply whispered, “Bye.” Then after a moment she added, “We’ll look after Jacob Samuel.”

      Kelly could no more have stopped her tears than stopped breathing. A quick check told her Sam’s eyes were also moist. He handed Jacob Samuel to his mother then drew Kelly with him to stand beside the girls. Then he hunkered down and wrapped an arm around each of them.

      “I’m very proud of you two,” he said, his voice cracked and broken with love. “I love you very much. I always will.”

      “We love you, too, Uncle Sam.” Sadie, always the most verbal, kissed him on one cheek, and Emma kissed him on the other before drawing Kelly into their circle.

      “Sadie says you’re going to be our mommy and daddy now.” Emma’s whisper barely penetrated the hushed conversations of friends and neighbors around the gravesite. “She said we’re still a family. Is that right?”

      Kelly didn’t know what to say. How could she give them hope when they didn’t know what was going to happen with the adoptions? But Sam had no such compunction.

      “Auntie Kel and I are going to look after you the very best we can,” he assured them. “Don’t you worry about that.” He rose, his big strong hands around the girls’ tiny ones. “We’re going to go back to the church now.”

      “For lunch.” Sadie nodded wisely. “I hope they have cupcakes. I love cupcakes.”

      “Me, too.” Emma slipped her free hand into Kelly’s. “But I love Mommy and Daddy better,” she murmured in a sad, forlorn voice that brought a lump to Kelly’s throat.

      “Me, too, Emma,” was all she could say.

      The girls sat uncharacteristically silent on the ride back to the church. Once there, their grandparents took charge of them while Sam’s friends and neighbors offered their condolences and help with whatever he needed. He thanked them then scrupulously introduced Kelly. The names blurred in Kelly’s brain. Until he introduced Abby Lebret.

      “You’re the woman from the adoption agency,” Kelly remembered. “Family Ties, right? You found the twins for Marina and Jake.” It hurt to say her name, knowing her sister was forever gone.

      “That’s me.” Abby smiled as she introduced her husband, Cade, then her face sobered. “Not now but sometime soon I need to talk to both of you.”

      “That sounds ominous,” Sam said. When Abby didn’t respond, he added, “Can you come over later today?”

      “We can wait a day, Sam,” Abby protested. “It’s not that urgent.”

      “I want—” He gave Kelly a sideways look and began again. “Kelly and I want to get things settled with the twins as soon as possible, for their sakes.” His face took on a grim look. “They need to feel secure.”

      “I agree.” Abby finally nodded. “Okay. I’ll come out to the Triple D later this afternoon.”

      “Thank you.” Sam nodded. When Abby and her husband had moved on, he turned to Kelly. “I don’t like the sound of that. Something’s going on.”

      “What?” she asked.

      “Beats me, but Abby wouldn’t ask for a meeting if there wasn’t a good reason.” He turned away to accept sympathy from someone else, leaving Kelly to stew about the upcoming get-together. Since her mother was now supervising the twins at the lunch table, she slipped away, wandering from the fellowship room into the sanctuary of the church, where she sat down in a window nook.

      She’d thought this trip would be a simple matter of helping Sam get things settled, figuring out a care schedule for the kids, something of that nature. But everything was becoming more complicated, and that included her reactions to the big, handsome rancher.

      I’m beginning to rely on him, to seek his opinion. She grimaced. It’s not what I’m used to.

      These past nine years, she’d made her own decisions based on proving herself by rising to the top of her field. Now suddenly it seemed she couldn’t decide anything without considering how it would affect the kids, her parents, the ranch and especially without hearing Sam’s opinion.

      The trouble was, she liked Sam. He was earnest, trustworthy, a guy who put others first. He wasn’t afraid to show his emotions as were so many men. He didn’t bolt when hard problems came up. He searched for a solution that would benefit everyone. Kelly found that so admirable. In fact, Sam was as close to a hero as she’d ever met.

      But this confusing soft spot for him couldn’t blossom into anything else. She wasn’t here for romance. For a long time she’d prayed for a family, a husband, a home of her own. God hadn’t answered that prayer. Just because she felt welcome here, was needed for a little while, didn’t mean anything had changed. Her mother was right. Kelly could not step into the middle of Marina’s family and take over.

      Not that she wanted to, she reminded herself. There were so many places she had yet to explore, so many things to discover. For three years she’d dreamed of visiting Indonesia. Okay, that had to be put on hold, but the goal hadn’t faded. She still wanted to go there.

      As much as you want to see Sadie and Emma grow up?

      I can’t support myself here, she told that contrary voice in her head. The only job I know is cruising. It’s what I do. It’s what I’m good at, even if Mom doesn’t think it worthy of her daughter.

      Which meant that come August, once Sam and the kids were settled, Kelly would return to her life on the seas. She’d trod a hard path to learn that was God’s plan for her, and having done so, she was committed to following God’s will no matter what the personal cost.

      “Face it, kiddo. This is only a temporary stop on your life’s path,” she whispered. “Be a blessing however you can so that when it’s time to go, you leave with no regrets.”

      But even as she said it, Kelly had a hunch that when she finally left the Triple D, saying goodbye to Sam would be difficult.

      * * *

      Sam glanced around the fellowship hall, worried when he was unable to spot Kelly’s slim figure among the few friends still left in the room. Neither his parents nor hers knew where she’d gone. Sadie and Emma were in a corner playing with their dolls. He walked over and crouched down beside them.

      “Did you two see where Auntie Kel went?” he asked, not really expecting an answer.

      “Into the church,” Sadie said.

      “She’s sad,” Emma whispered.

      “In the church?” He frowned. “But we’re already in the—oh.” Realizing they meant the sanctuary, he made sure they were under supervision then rose to search out Kelly. It took a minute to spy her seated in the dim light. When he did, the tears streaming down her face made him swallow, hard. “Kelly, what’s wrong?”

      “This is where Marina prayed, Sam. She brought her kids here to learn about God. She came here