The Mills & Boon Christmas Wishes Collection. Maisey Yates

“No, Mom, I would never do that. I was trying to fix the coffee machine.”

      “You saw the photographs.” Her voice was heavy with sadness.

      Did I put them back in the wrong drawer? Mom’s fastidiousness was likely to blame.

      “I honestly wasn’t searching for them, truly Mom.” This would set us back, I just knew it. My toes curled just thinking of the progress we’d made which would now be lost.

      “Why won’t you leave it alone? It’s like you’re obsessed with dredging up the past.”

      I sighed. “I was simply looking for the instruction booklet. The album was underneath.”

      “And your library visit?”

       Damn it.

      “Mom, how would you feel being me? I just know this mystery, this secret, is the key to us being a real mother and daughter. You can’t pretend you’ve been there for me. I’ve never asked anything of you, but I’m asking you now: what happened at Cedarwood that stops you visiting?”

      “Clio, Jesus. You just don’t get it. I ruined their lives. Their family, their business. All of it. As surely as if I pulled the pin on a grenade, it exploded in an instant.”

      “I’m sure it wasn’t your fault, whatever it was.”

      “It was, Clio. It was all my fault.”

      “Well…” Words vanished. What could I say without knowing what she meant?

      “I tried this with your father, confiding in him, loving him, and then I lost him too. And now you’re back at that place, and it feels like a punishment I deserve. Like God is reminding me of what I’ve done and what I have to live with.”

      “What did you do?”

      There was a silence and then her voice came back distraught. “Something horrible that I’ll live with until the day I die. And you just won’t let it go. I’m asking you to forget it, please.”

      “Would you? If this was reversed?”

      She sighed. “I don’t know any more, Clio.”

      “Why don’t you visit? Take me to the maze, explain what happened.”

      “I just don’t understand why you don’t listen, Clio.” With that she hung up, but not before I heard a gut-wrenching sob.

       Chapter Twenty-Six

      I crept downstairs and made coffee and searched the fridge for the leftover donuts I knew were hidden somewhere in its depths. It wasn’t long before Amory joined me, our early-morning coffee and chat being a routine as regular as sunrise and a time we could confide in each other with no one to overhear. In her loved-up haze, it seemed depressing to bring up my mom and our phone call. I didn’t want to say anything that would dim the light in Amory’s eyes.

      She sat down, grinning. “Coffee, stat.”

      I shoved her. “Here’s your special new mug, Lady Amory.” We’d found Santa mugs at the thrift store in town. Some poor fool had donated a box of them, and we couldn’t believe our luck. Big, fat, red mugs with Jingle Bells, Batman Smells written on them. Kitschy but oh so cool.

      She inhaled the coffee the way she did every morning. I gave her a few minutes to let the caffeine work its way around her body before probing. “What is that?” I said, making a show of sniffing. “Oh, I think love is in the air…”

      “Oh my God.”

      I laughed. “So?”

      “So… Well, I guess it is. I hope you really meant it, about us both staying on? It’s a little like an orphanage here, all these lost souls gathering.” I froze for a moment, thinking of Kai. And of my mom and the mysterious baby.

      “I meant every word,” I said, seriously. They didn’t realize how much I needed them too.

      “Cruz is keen to move to Evergreen to be with me and start a new life here as a chef.”

      “God, what a horrible guy.”

      She rolled her eyes. “Right? We thought we’d stay at the lodge over Christmas and then find a cottage in town in the New Year.”

      “But we have so many rooms here. You could move into one of the chalets?”

      “Thank you, darling. But I think it would be asking too much of you. We’ll hang out just like normal, but if we have our own cottage, at least I can be as messy as I like without facing the wrath of Mom – I mean, you.”

      We giggled, knowing it was true.

      “But seriously, I don’t want to get under your feet. The cottage will be a nice little sanctuary for us.”

      “So you’re really moving in together?” For someone so adamant about not following the traditional path, she’d surely changed her tune. I was certain it was the magic of the lodge – the open spaces, the way time moved slowly here – that allowed people to think and ruminate about what their heart really wanted.

      “Yep, I’m taking one giant leap, and seeing if the man still loves me when he trips over a mountain of clothes.”

      I switched on the radio and Christmas carols filled the room. “I got an enquiry about a New Year’s Eve party. You’ll never guess who.”

      “Who?”

      “Timothy. The realtor he works for wants to throw a party.”

      “Your old flame?”

      I laughed. “Glowing coals at best.”

      “We’ll dance until midnight if we can keep you old fogies up long enough.”

      I laughed. With the early mornings and fresh air, I was usually in bed by ten. No longer having to hover at clients’ parties until dawn, then head into work full of caffeine and promises… Life at the lodge suited the new me.

      ***

      Pots and pans clanged in the kitchen and the delicious scent of roasting turkey wafted down the hallway. Cruz was a damn fine cook, and I was thrilled he’d agreed to work at Cedarwood. He and Amory were making goggle-eyes at each other, like they’d only just fallen in love, and I had to hide a smile each time I walked past the lovebirds embracing. Who knew what their future held, what any of ours held, but they were focusing on the fact they loved one another, and that was enough for now. Between them, and Isla and Micah, I felt conspicuously single.

      The dining table was dressed in a gold tablecloth, adorned with glittery Christmas baubles. I polished the champagne flutes once more, admiring the perfect placement of cutlery and the poinsettia taking centerstage in the middle of the table. Flutes polished to a shine, I placed bonbons to the right of each place setting and silver napkins to the left.

      Christmas carols played chirpily overhead and I tried hard not to let sentimentality take over. It had been a tumultuous year, and yet I’d come so far, surrounded by friends and family who’d also had their lives shaken up and were trying to come out the other side.

      In the corner, the Christmas tree blinked merrily, and underneath was a veritable treasure trove of presents waiting to be opened. Even though it was Christmas Eve, we’d decided to exchange presents tonight. No doubt the couples would exchange their own presents the next day, but tonight it was all about what we’d bought for our friends…

      Kai walked in, carrying bottles of chilled champagne, and a gift under one arm. He stowed the champagne in the ice buckets and hopped from foot to foot and wouldn’t meet my gaze. “You can put the gift under the tree, Kai.”

      He cleared his throat. “Actually, I wanted to give it to you now.” He handed it me, and I noted with a smile the delicate antique ribbon and superfine wrapping