Ultimate Romance Collection. Rebecca Winters

closeness, but I can’t. I want to be a part of it, Bristol. You’ve given Laramie something special. A home.”

      His words reminded her of something her father had said. Even though her mother had robbed him of time with Bristol, in the end, he couldn’t resent her mother when his heart was filled with gratitude to her for shaping Bristol into the woman she was. One who was loyal and independent. Not spoiled or selfish. Although her father had never said so, she knew he’d compared her to his other two kids. After living in their household for almost two years, she could plainly see that his wife’s parenting skills had been vastly different from her mother’s. Krista Lockett hadn’t known how to tell her sons no.

      “To me marriage is more than a piece of paper,” he said, interrupting her thoughts. “I can’t help but believe that, especially when I see my parents together and how they interact with each other. Even if there wasn’t all that love, I believe there would still be trust, respect and friendship between them.”

      Unfortunately, Bristol thought, she’d never witnessed any such thing between a married couple. It had always been just her and her mother, and her mother had rarely dated. The few times she had, Bristol hadn’t been introduced to the men. When she’d asked her mother about it, all she’d said was that until she met someone special, there was no reason to introduce her dates to her daughter. Evidently her mother never met anyone special. And as for her father’s marriage to Krista, Bristol could honestly say she’d never felt any love in their relationship. They’d shared the same bedroom but that was about all. They’d lived separate lives.

      Bristol drew in a deep breath as she thought about what Coop had said. Yes, there was trust and respect between them. She’d trusted him enough three years ago to invite him into her home and she still trusted him. She also respected him. In just two days he had made an impact on his son’s life. And there was his love for his country and his willingness to put his life on the line to protect it. There was no doubt in her mind they could be friends as they got to know each other. Sex between them was good.

      But what about the love?

      That was something he hadn’t mentioned. He didn’t love her, whereas she’d loved him almost from the start. A part of her truly believed she’d fallen in love with him the moment she’d seen him in Paris. There was no way she would have agreed to an affair if she hadn’t loved him.

      But none of those feelings mattered because all the love, respect, trust and friendship in the world couldn’t erase how she’d felt when she’d thought he’d died. That was a period in her life she couldn’t relive. Somehow, she needed to make him understand that.

      “What you said might be true, but there’s a reason I can’t marry you, Coop, and it’s one I can’t get beyond.”

      He lifted a brow. “And what reason is that?”

      She met his gaze, held it and said, “You might die.”

       Eighteen

      “You might die...”

      Coop stared at her, recalling their conversation last night when she’d said the same thing. Why was she so hung up on the possibility of him dying?

      Something else he recalled her saying last night was that three years ago she’d thought he’d died like the others. At the time, he’d wondered what others she was talking about. Now he had an idea who they were. Her mother, father and aunt. All the people she’d ever cared about and loved.

      His heart pounded hard in his chest. Did that mean she cared deeply for him, that she loved him?

      What if he was right? The thought that she could love him as much as he loved her was more than he could have hoped for. There was only one way to find out.

      “I vividly remember having this conversation with you last night. Why are you so obsessed with the possibility of me dying, Bristol? Why are you so convinced I won’t come back to you and Laramie?”

      He watched her closely, saw how she went still, saw the stark look of fear come into her eyes. Their gazes locked for a minute longer and then she rubbed her hand down her face before meeting his eyes again. Then he saw the tears she was fighting to hold back.

      “Talk to me, Bristol. Tell me,” he said softly.

      * * *

      Bristol’s mind shifted to that day when Dionne had arrived at her apartment and told her what she’d found out about Coop. How could she make him understand how she’d felt and why there was no way they could have a real marriage?

      There was no way she could go through something like that again.

      “When I thought you had died,” she said, trying not to choke on the words, “I thought I was going to die, as well. It came as such a shock. I experienced pain like I’d never felt before. It was deeper than when I lost my mom, my dad and Aunt Dolly. And I felt so alone.”

      She fought back her tears to continue. “Then I suddenly felt my baby...our baby...move for the first time. It was like he was trying to reassure me that things would be all right. But the thought that I’d lost you was more than I could bear. Even when I told myself that I never had you, that all we’d had was a holiday affair and that I probably would not have seen you again anyway, it didn’t matter. The thought of you dying like the others nearly destroyed me. It was only when I finally came to grips with the fact that I was having a baby...your baby...a baby that would always be a part of you, that I was able to move on with my life.”

      Coop stood and walked over to her, extending his hand out to her. She took it and he gently tugged her off the sofa and into his arms. It was only then that she realized she hadn’t been able to hold back all her tears. A few were streaming down her face. How awful it was for him to see her like this, crying over a man who’d meant more to her than she’d meant to him. But when he tightened his arms around her, pulling her deeper into the warmth of his embrace, it didn’t seem to matter.

      “Knowing you cared that much means a lot to me, Bristol. Like I told you, you were never far from my thoughts when I was captured. Thoughts of you are what helped me survive.”

      “Why?” she asked, wanting to know why he’d thought of her.

      “Because during those three days we were together, you made a lasting impression on me.”

      Like he’d made on her, she thought. However, he’d gone a step further in making her fall in love with him.

      He pulled back and looked at her, forcing her to meet his gaze. “And as you can see, I am very much alive. No matter how much torture they inflicted on me, I refused to let those bastards break me—because of you.”

      She lifted a brow. “Because of me?”

      “Yes. I convinced myself that I had to survive for you. That once I was rescued I had to get back to you.”

      Too bad he hadn’t meant that, she thought.

      “By the time I made it to Paris, you had left.”

      Bristol went still as she stared at him. “What did you say?” She was convinced she’d heard him wrong.

      “After getting rescued I had to comply with military procedures and get both physical and psychiatric evaluations. That took about three months. Then I flew to Paris to see you. Your landlord said you’d moved back to the States and hadn’t left a forwarding address.”

      Bristol’s head began spinning. “You went to Paris looking for me?”

      “Yes.”

      “But why?”

      He gently cupped her chin in his hand. “I had to see you again and let you know those three days with you meant everything to me.”

      “They did?”

      “Yes, and I just didn’t know the depth of what they meant