The Cowboy's Christmas Family. Donna Alward

no room for her. She covered them with a blanket, then tiptoed down to the sofa to try to settle her frayed nerves. She was just drifting off, in a hazy half-conscious state and thinking about Cole’s finely shaped lips, when the phone rang. And rang, and rang because she couldn’t find the handset to the cordless. It went to her voice mail, but not before Liam woke up and started crying.

      At that point Maddy felt a bit like crying herself.

      She was just so completely overwhelmed. With everything. With handling it all on her own. Yes, she was still so incredibly angry and hurt by Gavin’s deception. But most of all she missed him. After all he’d done, she still missed him, and his smile, and the way he’d take one of the boys and share the load with the kids and step in and cook dinner if she’d had a crazy day. Maybe his betrayal hurt all the more because in so many ways she’d thought they’d had a strong marriage. A partnership.

      She missed his help, missed having someone to talk to at the end of the day, missed having someone to tuck her against his side in bed at night and make her feel secure and safe and not so damned alone. Even though things had been strained during the final months of their marriage, she’d thought they’d work through it. She’d thought it was just the adjustment to having twins and being parents and not having as much time for each other.

      Tears were streaming down her face as she went to get Liam, who was snuffling and wiping his eyes with a fist. She took him downstairs so Luke could still sleep, and put him down before she sank into the couch cushions.

      He was a year old, couldn’t speak, didn’t understand a bit of why she was upset. But at that moment, he patted her on her knee, lifted his arms for up, and when she picked him up and held him in her arms, he didn’t fuss. He just snuggled in against her chest, tucked his face against the warm curve of her neck and put his pudgy little hand on her cheek.

      “I love you, little man,” she said softly, sinking back into the corner of the sofa and folding her legs yoga-style. She turned her head a little and kissed his soft hair, and he patted her cheek with his fingers, a move she knew he found consoling. Like a constant reassurance that she was there. Not going anywhere.

      Five minutes later she stretched out her legs, slid down in the cushions and looked down at Liam’s sleeping face.

      Safe. Secure. Not alone.

      She could provide that for her son. And she was living proof that she could make it on her own. But sometimes she wished someone was there to take away her loneliness, too.