Adults. Emma Jane Unsworth

      

      ADULTS

      Emma Jane Unsworth

       Copyright

      The Borough Press

      An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

      1 London Bridge Street

      London SE1 9GF

       www.harpercollins.co.uk

      First published in Great Britain by HarperCollinsPublishers 2020

      Copyright © Emma Jane Unsworth 2020

      Cover photograph © DEEPOL / PlainPicture

      Cover design by Ellie Game © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2020

      ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ © Paul Simon

      Emma Jane Unsworth asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

      A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.

      This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

      Source ISBN: 9780008334598

      Ebook Edition © JANUARY 2020 ISBN: 9780008334611

      Version: 2019-11-27

       Dedication

      To my mum, Lorraine.

      Sail on, silvergirl

      Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

      Copyright

      Dedication

      Prologue: Soho Square

      A Few Months Earlier: Hello, World!

      Art Said

I Walk

They Say

In the Wings

They Say

I Post

They Say

A Womb of One’s Own

Therapy Session #1 (Dramatic Monologue)

Like of Duty

       Picture the Scene

       I Said

       The Patatas Bravas

       Kelly had Said

       Sober Sexts

       Ablutions

       My Bathroom Said

       Tipping Point

       My Mother Said

       I Was Eighteen

       Art Said

       Someone Says

       A Really Bad Sign

       Mia Says

       I Walk

       Knockknock

       One-Liners

       I Say

       The Outrage

       Baby Elephant

       Art Said

       My Mother Says

       How I Met Kelly

       Art Said

       Art Said

       What Lasts?

       Bad Stand-Up

       Ghostess with the Mostest

       I Woke Up Like This

       The Mind Creates the Abyss

       I Adored

       Art Said

       You

       Terms of Endearment

       If

       Art’s Mother Said

       Full Desperate

       Miserable Pho

       Breathing for One

       Popular Problems

       On the Bus

       Tabs

       Granma Said

       All My Circus, All My Monkeys

       Burnout

       Therapy Session #2

       App Idea

       Look No Hands

       Hi Hi Hi

       Back at Home

       Exhibits A and B

       Good Famous People

       My Mother

       Still

       Life

       We’d Gone

       ‘Funny’

       Outgrown

       Art Said

       Bodies of Work

       Kelly Said

       Fake News

       Google Me

       Social Caterpillar

       Really Tho

       Deals with Strangers

       News Item

       Nicolette Says

       Half an Hour Later

       Ass Fizz

       That Night

       It Happened to Happen