Skulduggery Pleasant. Derek Landy

is, huh?”

      “Not even close,” Skulduggery said, “but I’ve known her a long time, and, whatever her master plan is, it will not be good news for the rest of us.”

      Temper frowned, and looked at Valkyrie. “Is he downplaying it?”

      “I think he’s downplaying it.”

      Temper nodded. “There’s definitely some downplaying going on. Come on, Skulduggery – you had a thing with her. There’s no need to be embarrassed.”

      “I’m not embarrassed.”

      “She’s a very good-looking lady – you know, once she grew her body back and all. I’ve always found that ex-girlfriends with bodies are better than ex-girlfriends who are just internal organs locked away in a box somewhere. But I’m old-fashioned like that.”

      Skulduggery sighed. “Can we stop talking about this?”

      “We can,” Temper said, “once you accept that there is no shame in dating a murderous psychic who sucks the life out of people. No shame at all.”

      “Thank you, Temper.”

      “There’s a bit of shame in losing her to someone like Lord Vile, though. I mean, that dude was evil.”

      “Are you finished?”

      Temper grinned. “Not even close. But for right now? Yeah, I’m finished.”

      “Thank you,” said Skulduggery. “We just got back into the country a few hours ago and we were going to follow up on this Quidnunc person, but decided to take a little detour here instead. Correct me if I’m wrong, Temper, but this portal wasn’t here when we left, was it?”

      “It was not,” Temper said, and clapped his hands. “OK then, first things first: that is one messed-up reality they have back there. Seriously. Why anyone would venture into it, I have no idea.”

      “You ventured,” Valkyrie said.

      “I’m a City Guard now – I have my orders.”

      “I heard you volunteered.”

      “It’s a portal to another dimension,” Temper said. “What, am I not gonna go through? Anyway, there are thousands of people lining up on the other side of that thing. More coming every hour. With anyone else, I’d be expecting a stampede, but these folks are just so beaten down I doubt they could muster the energy to panic.”

      “Did you see any of Mevolent’s men?” Skulduggery asked.

      Temper shook his head. “Not a one.”

      “We were told there’s a device that’s sustaining the portal. Is that true?”

      Temper scratched his jaw. “Never seen anything like it. It’s a metal box, roughly the size of a car battery, with all these sigils carved into it. I don’t know if the device did it all, or if a Shunter opened the rift and this device is just keeping it open. I don’t know how it works, and no one knows how to shut it down, but then I guess the sorcerers in the Leibniz Universe have gadgets we don’t understand yet.”

      “We’re calling it Dimension X now,” Valkyrie told him.

      “No, we’re not,” Skulduggery said quickly. “Have you spoken to the people? Have they said anything about the Resistance?”

      “They won’t talk to me,” Temper answered. “You’ve got to understand, these folks are almost as afraid of the Resistance as they are of Mevolent’s army. To them, all sorcerers are super-powered psychopaths who topple buildings on to innocent mortals.”

      “Then hopefully we can show them a new, warmer kind of sorcerer,” Skulduggery said, as a child dropped her doll. He stepped forward, using the air to lift the doll into his hand, and presented it to the little girl. She looked up at him and screamed, and her parents pulled her away.

      “Sometimes I forget that being a skeleton is unusual,” Skulduggery murmured. He tossed the doll to the girl’s father and returned to Valkyrie’s side. “Do you have any idea what the best course of action might be?” he asked Temper.

      “For me, the best course of action is a shower and bed,” Temper answered. “For the situation, I’d send a squadron of Cleavers through to make sure the mortals are protected while they wait. I heard stories of bandits closing in.”

      “As far as we know, China’s not sending any Cleavers,” said Valkyrie.

      Temper sighed. “Then maybe you could talk to her? She’s got a soft spot for you, Val, everyone knows that.”

      “If we could actually get in to speak to her, maybe,” Valkyrie replied. “But we’ve been trying to arrange a meeting with China for weeks, to discuss our progress – or lack of progress – in this Abyssinia situation, and all we hear is how busy she is.”

      Temper chewed his bottom lip for a moment. “Those refugees are easy targets. They need someone to keep them safe.” He sighed. “I guess the shower can wait.”

      Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. “You’re going back through?”

      “Looks like it.”

      “Can’t you send some of your City Guard friends through instead?”

      Temper smiled. “I’ve been a Roarhaven cop for five months, and in that time I have discovered that the City Guards are not friendly people. Commander Hoc has changed things since you were in charge, Skulduggery. We report only to him, and he reports only to the Supreme Mage. My colleagues don’t trust me – probably because they see me talking to the two of you so regularly.”

      “They think you’re our spy,” Skulduggery said.

      “Yes, they do.”

      “Good thing you’re our spy, then.”

      “It certainly keeps things simple.” Temper looked back towards the portal. “Either of you want to join me?”

      Valkyrie held up her hands. “I have things to do today, and bad memories of that place. Thanks, but I think I’ll stay in this dimension.”

      “You mentioned bandits …” Skulduggery said.

      Temper nodded. “Bands of them.”

      “Bands of bandits. That doesn’t sound good.”

      “It really doesn’t.”

      Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie.

      “Good God,” she said, “you don’t have to ask me for permission to go play with your friends.”

      “It’s just there are bandits,” Skulduggery said. “I like bandits. There’s no guilt involved when you hit them.”

      “When have you ever felt guilty about hitting anyone? Go. Battle bandits. Have fun. I’ll make a few calls, see if anyone can help us track down the guy who makes Quidnunc’s serum.” She held out her hand. “Keys.”

      Skulduggery tilted his head. “Sorry?”

      “Car keys. You drove us here, remember?”

      “But … can’t you get a taxi?”

      “Back home? That’d cost a fortune.”

      “Have Fletcher take you.”

      “It’s a school day, and Fletcher’s busy being a teacher. Come on. Keys.”

      He hesitated, then handed them over. “The Bentley is a special car.”

      “I’m not going to crash it. I’m going to make a copy of the key, by the way. Just so you know.”

      “Drive very slowly. Especially round corners. And along straight roads.”

      “Can you please trust me?”

      “I trust