Название | From Paris, With Love |
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Автор произведения | Samantha Tonge |
Жанр | Зарубежный юмор |
Серия | |
Издательство | Зарубежный юмор |
Год выпуска | 0 |
isbn | 9781472096364 |
I raised an eyebrow.
‘The long, polished mahogany bar. What an array of bottles, lined up against a mirrored wall, including all the French favourites – pastis, triple sec, and crème de menthe. Plus a complicated coffee machine stood in the corner…’
Okay. Enough description about the bricks and mortar.Now for the important stuff. ‘What about the people we’re going to work with?’
Edward sipped his beer. ‘Pierre – the boss – is in his fifties with thick black hair. He bought the restaurant twenty years ago and has a girlfriend called Agnes who works at the famous Galeries Lafayette department store.’
‘Cool!’
‘He clearly loves his job. It must be terrific to spend your life doing something that satisfies you so much.’
I smiled. Recent months had made my gorgeous Edward question everything about his future. At first, after winning Million Dollar Mansion, he’d talked of working side by side with Applebridge Hall’s true heir, for years to come. But recently I’d caught him surfing career advice sites, which must have seemed pointless to him before, when his life had been mapped out, managing the future of his ancestral home. But seeing as all that had changed…
‘Perhaps we should go into the restaurant business together,’ I said and grinned. ‘Me as headchef, you managing the staff.’
Edward’s blue eyes crinkled. ‘Talking of headchefs, Chez Dubois’ Jean-Claude is quite a character. Pierre indicated that his abrupt manner regularly caused staff departures – yet he is a whiz in the kitchen, which is why our boss keeps him on. And apparently the American souschef, Cindy Cooper, knows just how to handle him. She’s a glamorous woman, with ladybird red lipstick and immaculate blonde hair, even after a couple of frantic hours working over lunchtime.’
‘Anyone else?’ I’d always thought Edward would make a brilliant witness to any crime. He paid attention to detail like no one I knew and had a memory to beat any winner of Mastermind.
‘Oh yes! Hugo Petit, the headwaiter, around forty and rakishly tall, who let out a snort of disgust when Pierre introduced me – said he’d seen clips of Million Dollar Mansion on YouTube and thought the class system and royal family represented Britain at its worst. Clearly he’s a fierce Republican. He sneered at heir William and Catherine and said – his words, not mine – “they were no different to people claiming state benefits and that their hours should be spent not travelling, but looking for proper jobs.”
I sat more upright. Hmm. MI6 may have checked out all the staff at Chez Dubois but this Hugo sounded mega anti-royal.
Then Edward asked me about my day, and to avoid lying to him I suggested I head back to the flat, to cook dinner whilst he enjoyed another drink. I’d turn on the heating, hit the music, and set us up for a truly romantic Parisian night. Happily he took out his notebook, and said he’d be along soon, after writing down some observations on his first weekend in France.
Five minutes later, I entered the hallway next to the cake shop, glad to be inside once again. Carefully, I climbed the poorly lit stairs. Huh? Our door was open, but no lights were on. I swallowed hard and took deep breaths. What if it was “the enemy” – someone who knew about the so-called MiddleWin Mort plan?
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I took a step forward. Perhaps I was simply spooked after all the training I’d had. Yes, that was it. I shook myself. A world-class terrorist? Nah – if anyone, it was more likely a two-bit burglar. And most probably it was no one at all. Edward must have been distracted and forgotten to close and lock the door.
Joe said “flight” was better than “fight” but I didn’t know for sure anyone was in there. So, tip-toeing, I entered and paused to listen. Nothing. I tried the light. It didn’t work. I headed into the bedroom – that was empty too and also remained dark when I hit the light switch. With a shrug I went back into the lounge and – oh my God! – gasped. Thanks to amber rays from the street lamps, I made out a figure, in the kitchen area. It was bald, therefore a man, who must have been hiding or bending down, before. Battling my adrenaline-rush instincts to do something mad, I swallowed hard. Don’t panic, Joe would say. Think it through. Stay calm. The man said something in French, walked around the kitchen units and came towards me.
I felt dizzy for a second, before getting a grip on my emotions. I reached down for my handbag. The thought crossed my mind to press that button but contacting Joe so soon into my mission would make me look a right wimp. Anyway, this bloke wasn’t much taller than me, plus his voice had no aggressive edge. I reckoned a good shot of pepper spray would give me time to bolt. And if he was gone, when I came back, I wouldn’t mention him to Edward – or the police –as I might let slip details about my secret mission. I couldn’t get Edward involved, nor let Joe down.
With a deep breath, I took the small bottle out of my bag and one, two, three… charged him, screaming. He put up his hands and kind of yelped as I sprayed his face. Shaking from head to toe I stumbled out of the flat and legged it down the stairs.
‘Girl, you gonna take a piss or get off the pot?’
Meet Texan Cindy, second-in-charge to the head chef – brash, with the brains of JR Ewing and his Texan drawl to match. This was her way of telling me to hurry up. Tears streaming down my cheeks, I frantically chopped the onion.
This was Friday, my fifth day in the kitchen. And, um, ahem, yes, I’d not been chased and murdered by the intruder in our flat, last Sunday. It turned out he was the landlord. Due to an electricity fault, Edward had called him, assuming that the old man would have sorted things out during the day. But no – instead he left it until the last minute and ended up getting stained with blue spray.
How long ago that seemed, now. Five days working as dogsbody in a restaurant had been a MASSIVE learning curve. I winced and smiled sheepishly as, for the third time that week, I sliced my finger. Without taking her spoon out of a saucepan of glossy brown sauce, Cindy delved into the pocket of her white buttoned chef’s coat and took out a plaster. I wrapped it around the wound and with a quick glance at Jean-Claude, waited for some sarcastic words.
‘Don’t worry, he’s all hat but no horse, honey,’ Cindy said.
My brow furrowed, as I looked again at the kitchen boss, in his black and white chequered trousers (yes, chefs really did dress like that!)
‘What I mean is…’ She shrugged. ‘There’s a soft guy inside that fierce, Gallic exterior.’
‘Onions ready, Pudding?’ he boomed, in a mega thick French accent.
That was his name for me and I’d had a good mind to complain, as I thought he was referring to my generous curves. But Cindy insisted I had a “darn purtee” figure and that Pudding was simply a common derogatory term, originating from snooty French chefs who consider English desserts stodgy and tasteless.
Which made sense as JC – as everyone called him – was not remotely PC. Only yesterday he’d released a torrent of abuse when a vegetarian customer complained. He declared that anyone who didn’t eat meat had the palate of an amoeba and no right to moan. Wiping his hands on his white apron, forehead perspiring, the head chef came over and stared at me.
‘Sacre bleu! Tie ze hair up tighter tomorrow. Strands are all over your face.’ His nose wrinkled. ‘Eet ees unhygienic…’ He studied my chopping board. ‘Ze slices are too big. Not all ze same size…. You need more speed.’ JC sniffed. ‘But today they will do for ze soup.’ He lifted the board and handed it to another minion who scraped the onion into a frying pan.
Wow – that was an improvement! Up until this point not much I’d done had been up to standard. Apparently I chopped garlic too coarsely and didn’t scrub potatoes hard enough. He’d sworn for five seconds, in French, when I attempted