Death Knocks Twice. Robert Thorogood

guessed – based on the evidence of the tawdry hideout they’d found in the jungle – that their victim had perhaps been operating on his own. In fact, as Richard explained the parameters for the search he wanted carried out, he realised that there would possibly be a few dozen Brits a day who met the criteria. After all, how many fifty-plus British men travelled to a Caribbean holiday destination on their own? And then, once the Head of Security had sent the details over, Richard knew he could either cross-reference the names with whatever hotels were listed on their immigration forms, or – given that he’d now know what flights they’d arrived on – he could just pull the airport CCTV footage for each person’s arrival, and see if he could identify the victim visually. And here, Richard knew that their victim’s long grey hair and yellow/white beard should make him easy to spot.

      In fact, Richard realised, if their victim was indeed from the UK and had arrived at any time in the last eight weeks, it might be possible to work out his identity in the next few hours.

      ‘You’re right,’ the Head of Security said at the other end of the phone. ‘I’d even go so far as to say that you’re onto something there.’

      ‘Thank you,’ Richard said.

      ‘Although, it’ll take longer than a few hours to identify your British traveller.’

      ‘Why? The list won’t be very long, will it?’

      ‘Oh it’ll barely be a few hundred names. It’s just going to take a few days to get the list to you, that’s all.’

      ‘I’m sorry?’

      ‘If not longer than a few days. Tell you what,’ the man paused as though he were about to do Richard a massive favour. ‘I reckon I can get the list of solo Brits to you by the beginning of next week.’

      ‘What?’

      ‘Or soon after.’

      ‘But it’s only Thursday now. Surely you’ve already got this information on your system?’

      ‘Of course. We take everyone’s details who arrives on the island. We’re a professional outfit.’

      ‘Then it should take all of about thirty seconds to create a search on your system for solo British travellers from the last eight weeks aged fifty years and over, and then you can email me the results. I could start working on this in the next few minutes!’

      There was a pause at the other end of the line.

      And then the man coughed to clear his throat.

      ‘What’s that?’ Richard asked.

      ‘Nothing. It’s just – well, let me put it like this. I agree, your plan makes perfect sense. It’s just we had a bit of an IT problem at the end of last week.’

      ‘You did?’

      ‘So I don’t think it will be that easy. But we’ll definitely be able to get you the results you want at some point next week. Or the week after.’

      ‘What sort of an IT problem?’

      ‘What’s that?’

      ‘You said you had “a bit of an IT problem”. So I just wanted to know. What sort of IT problem did you have?’

      ‘Does it matter?’

      ‘It does to me,’ Richard said, feeling his blood pressure rising. ‘Seeing as I’m trying to run a murder case here.’

      ‘Yes. Well, when you put it like that, that makes a lot of sense.’

      ‘So what was it?’

      There was another pause at the other end of the line – and then the man spoke really very quietly indeed.

      ‘An iguana got into a cable duct.’

      ‘What’s that?’

      ‘An iguana got into our cable ducts and ate through our network cables.’

      ‘You know, it’s funny,’ Richard said. ‘But I could have sworn that you just told me that an iguana had eaten through your network cables.’

      ‘That’s because I did.’

      ‘But how can that have even been possible?’ Richard all but shouted into the mouthpiece of his phone. ‘I mean, don’t you have security precautions in place to stop this sort of thing?’

      ‘Don’t use that tone with me, Inspector.’

      ‘Then what tone should I be using? Would you rather I sent you a big bunch of flowers with a card wishing you “condolences at this difficult time”?’

      The Head of Security didn’t dignify Richard’s comment with a response, and Richard found himself exhaling heavily. He’d long ago come to understand – if not accept – that solving cases on a tiny tropical island was always going to be fraught with difficulties. For example, Saint-Marie was too small to have a local Coroner’s office where autopsies could be carried out. And there were no Ballistics or Forensics labs either. If Richard ever needed evidence processed by any kind of forensics lab, he generally had to send it to the far larger nearby island of Guadeloupe, and they rarely prioritised Saint-Marie’s needs. It’s why Richard insisted on as much of the crime scene evidence being dealt with in the office by hand. At least that way, he could have some control over how quickly it was all processed.

      But for every ‘typical’ problem that Richard had to endure in his Police work, he was always staggered by just how many ‘atypical’ problems he also had to face. Like discovering that he was being thwarted in delivering justice for a murder victim because of an omnivorous iguana.

      ‘Look,’ Richard said, ‘far be it from me to tell you how to do your job, but if you’ve got an iguana in your cable ducts, then surely the first step is to remove it? By fair means or foul,’ he added darkly.

      ‘Oh don’t worry,’ the man said brightly, ‘we got the iguana out after only a couple of days. It’s just that while it was in there, it went pretty much where it liked, and that’s when it ate through the network cables. We’re still trying to work out exactly which ones. And once we do, we’ll have our computers back up and running in no time.’

      ‘So are you even recording who arrives and leaves the island at the moment?’

      ‘Of course. But we’ve been forced back into utilising the old system of writing every arrival’s name down in a ledger by hand, and I don’t need to tell you that this has stretched our border control resources almost to breaking point.’ Richard knew that when the man said ‘border control resources’ he was referring to a woman called Janice. ‘But I might be able to get some time this weekend to work through the books and pull the names of solo British travellers for you.’

      Richard saw his opening at last. ‘Then how about I come up to the airport right now and go through the lists myself?’

      ‘I’m afraid that won’t be possible.’

      ‘Why not?’

      ‘Janice is using the book.’

      Richard took a deep breath to steady himself. Then, as time passed, he realised it hadn’t made him feel any better. In fact, it was making him feel very much worse – and significantly hot around the collar – and then he realised that he hadn’t breathed out yet, so he quickly expelled the air from his lungs to stop himself from fainting.

      ‘Are you alright?’ the Head of Security asked.

      ‘Of course I’m fine,’ Richard said, still feeling a touch light-headed. ‘But you’re saying there’s no way I can get the names I need any quicker?’

      ‘Got it in one,’ the Head of Security said, glad that Richard was finally ‘on side’. ‘And I promise you, I’ll get you the names at the beginning of next week. Or maybe a few days later – depending on what I’m up to this weekend.’

      ‘Well, let’s