Devil Said Bang. Richard Kadrey

you do, get her a job. Something safe. Away from the craziness. I’d do it myself but being near me is what got her in trouble in the first place.”

      Ipos puts the photo in the breast pocket of his work overalls.

      “She’s a friend of yours?”

      I shake my head.

      “I don’t even know her name.”

      On the screen I watch myself unwrapping the soldier’s body.

      Merihim cocks his head.

      “I can’t help but be curious: you want us to find a complete stranger to ease the burden of her damnation but you’ve never once asked about your mother or father.”

      “I don’t have to. Believe it or not, I’m capable of doing a few things on my own. They’re not here. It turns out being drunk and miserable are only venial sins after all. Lucky them.”

      Ipos says, “Didn’t your father try to shoot you? Shouldn’t he be here with us?”

      “I suppose by Heaven’s standards, killing an Abomination isn’t the same as killing a regular human,” says Merihim.

      “I don’t want to talk about it.”

      I look at the screen, not really watching it.

      I say, “I think we’re done here for now. Don’t you?”

      As they head for the fake bookcase, Merihim says, “Yesterday I said that I’d bring you a protective potion. That will have to wait until I can check that they’re not bogus.”

      “Don’t worry about it. I’m not sitting around waiting to get my brain cut open. I’m going to do something.”

      “What exactly?”

      “I have no idea. Something, you know, subtle.”

      Merihim says, “Like when you burned Eden? I only ask because I’m still trying to gauge your definition of ‘subtle.’”

      I look at him and can’t help but smile.

      “That was a fun afternoon. Anyway, you’ll know it when you see it.”

      “I have no doubt.”

      They go out and Ipos pulls the bookcase shut behind them.

      I go over to the screen, put my eye back in, and set the others back on their projection stands.

      I open the desk drawer and shove the Glock out of the way. That needs to go in the bedroom drawer with the Smith & Wesson. The Veritas is under some papers where I’d scrawled Hellion power charms. I found the originals stuck in an old notebook Samael tossed in the trash. I copied out all the charms and tossed off hoodoo for darkness and wind. I tried getting into the heads of the salarymen downstairs. Nothing. Maybe instead of trying to be Samael, acting like me again will make me better at this Lucifer thing.

      I take out the Veritas and toss it, catch it, and slam it down on the table.

      Should I go out or stay here?

      There’s an image of an open window and billowing curtains. In elegant Hellion script around the edges of the coin, it reads, DON’T WASTE MY TIME, ASSHOLE.

      As always, the Veritas is right. I already have my coat on. If it said stay, I’d toss it in the trash and go out anyway.

      I go into the false bookcase and head downstairs.

      I GO DOWN BELOW street level to the garage. The door is locked but I touch the brass plate on the wall and it clicks open.

      The place is full of the Council’s limos, plus the legion’s trucks, Unimogs, and Humvees. Why didn’t I ever take any of these out for a late-night cruise? Do my own Dakar Rally through Hollywood. Play Vanishing Point with Hellion street security. Let them chase me all the way to Santa Monica. Hell’s five rivers crash into each other there, churning the water into an endless storm of whitecaps, tidal waves, and whirlpools. At the edge of the sea I’d get out and show them who I am. We could have a drag race all the way back into town.

      Tonight, though, I’ll just have to settle for some motocross. Tomorrow, who knows? I could steal a Unimog and drive down the Glory Road to the gates of Heaven. Bring a bottle of Aqua Regia and toast Samael for the tricky, scheming motherfucker he is. I wonder if he’d drive me home or make me drive myself. Who’s the designated driver when you have two Devils in the room?

      I head up the ramp to where they keep my bike. Get on and kick it to life. The growling engine vibrates my body from my feet to my head, shaking the stench of Mason’s chop shop out of my lungs. I whisper some hoodoo, and when I pull the hoodie up over my head, my face isn’t my face anymore. The glamour makes me look like any other ugly Hellion.

      I put the bike in gear and head up the ramp to one of the repair bays in back of the hotel. When I get the gate open and I’m sure the way is clear, I pop the clutch. The rear wheel screams and smokes and I blast off into the dark.

      It takes my eyes a while to adjust to the night light. I hit the throttle and the bike tears over the city’s broken streets, bouncing and flying high over sudden drops, fishtailing in the curves. By the time I can see right, Pandemonium is a superhighway of light, streaks of color bounded by the blood reek of sinkholes and the bruised Hellion sky. I cut in and out of traffic. Around troop transports and pedestrians. I’m up on the sidewalk, and in the few places that have working traffic lights, I run every red I can find. I’m a menace. I’m a monster. I’m a stooge and I don’t care who knows it. I’m moving and for the first time in a long time everything is perfect. Hell can kiss my ass.

      I HIDE THE HELLION HOG under the collapsed roof of an abandoned garage. On the way out I smooth over the dust to disguise my footprints and toss some cinder blocks inside to give the place an extra about-to-completely-collapse look.

      I find Wild Bill smoking outside the Bamboo House of Dolls. When I walk over he shakes his head at me.

      “Hop on by, froggy. You see this mark on my shirt?”

      He shows me his sleeve. Lucifer’s bloodred sigil. He blows out blue cigar smoke.

      “I’m bought and paid for by Mr. Scratch himself and he doesn’t appreciate simpletons manhandling his merchandise. It lowers the resale value.”

      “Is that what you tell people? That I own you? I suppose it’s technically true, the way things work down here. I just never thought of it that way.”

      Bill leans forward and squints. Shakes his head and spits.

      “I swear to God, boy. Warn a feller when you’re going to come ’round looking like a goddamn hobgoblin. I was five seconds from tattooing your head with a shovel I leave out here for just that purpose.”

      He’s telling the truth. There’s a solid old shovel in a half-dug hole by the side of the building. I’ll bet cash money that hole never gets any deeper or any more full.

      “Next time I’ll wear a rose in my lapel so you know it’s me. I can’t stand another night locked in Gormenghast and thought I’d come by for a drink. Maybe let someone start a fight. It’s one of those nights when I want to break things, bones especially. You know the feeling?”

      Bill eyes me and tosses the stub of his cigar.

      “I’m acquainted with it but you’re not going to start any fights in my establishment. I don’t want it to become known as somewhere bastards can pay for drinks with the heels of their boots. Also, there’s some witches and other magical sorts from your palace inside. I don’t know that they could see through your Halloween mask but it seems a foolish thing to chance.”

      I try to think of a good argument but nothing comes to mind.

      “That’s too bad. I really want a drink.”

      Bill shrugs.

      “Speaking of drinking, did you get the trifle I sent your way? It’s a bottle