Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Гарриет Бичер-Стоу

’cause we’s all got souls. I don’t care now who hears me say it—and I think a cussed sight on it—so I may as well come out with it. I b’lieve in religion, and one of these days, when I have got matters tight and snug, I calculates to ’tend to my soul and them ar matters; and so what’s the use of doin’ any more wickedness than’s re’lly necessary?—it don’t seem to me it’s ’tall prudent.”

      “‘Tend to yer soul!” repeated Tom contemptuously; “take a bright look-out to find a soul in you—save yourself any care on that score. If the devil sifts you through a hair sieve, he won’t find one.”

      “Why, Tom, you’re cross,” said Haley; “why can’t ye take it pleasant, now, when a feller’s talking for your good?”

      “Stop that ar jaw o’ yourn, there,” said Tom gruffly. “I can stand most any talk o’ yourn but your pious talk—that kills me right up. After all, what’s the odds between me and you? ’Tan’t that you care one bit more, or have a bit more feelin’—it’s clean, sheer, dog meanness, wanting to cheat the devil, and save your own skin; don’t I see through it? And your ‘gettin’ religion,’ as you call it, arter all, is too p’isin mean for any crittur; run up a bill with the devil all your life, and then sneak out when pay-time comes! Bah!”

      “Come, come, gentlemen, I say; this isn’t business,” said Marks. “There’s different ways, you know, of looking at all subjects. Mr. Haley is a very nice man, no doubt, and has his own conscience; and, Tom, you have your ways, and very good ones, too, Tom; but quarrelling, you know, won’t answer no kind of purpose. Let’s go to business. Now, Mr. Haley, what is it? you want us to undertake to catch this yer gal?”

      “The gal’s no matter of mine—she’s Shelby’s; it’s only the boy. I was a fool for buying the monkey!”

      “You’re generally a fool!” said Tom gruffly.

      “Come, now, Loker, none of your huffs,” said Marks, licking his lips; “you see, Mr. Haley’s a puttin’ us in a way of a good job, I reckon; just hold still—these yer arrangements is my forte. This yer gal, Mr. Haley, how is she? what is she?”

      “Wal! white and handsome—well brought up. I’d a gin Shelby eight hundred or a thousand and then made well on her.”

      “White and handsome—well brought up!” said Marks, his sharp eyes, nose, and mouth all alive with enterprise. “Look here, now, Loker, a beautiful opening. We’ll do a business here on our own account; we does the catchin’; the boy, of course, goes to Mr. Haley—we takes the gal to Orleans to speculate on. An’t it beautiful?”

      Tom, whose great heavy mouth had stood ajar during this communication, now suddenly snapped it together, as a big dog closes on a piece of meat, and seemed to be digesting the idea at his leisure.

      “Ye see,” said Marks to Haley, stirring his punch as he did so, “ye see, we has justices convenient at all p’ints alongshore, that does up any little jobs in our line quite reasonable. Tom, he does the knockin’ down and that ar; and I come in all dressed up—shining boots—everything first chop, when the swearin’s to be done. You oughter see, now,” said Marks, all in a glow of professional pride, “how I can tone it off. One day, I’m Mr. Twickem, from New Orleans; ’nother day, I’m just come from my plantation on Pearl River, where I works seven hundred niggers; then, again, I come out a distant relation of Henry Clay, or some old cock in Kentuck. Talents is different, yer know. Now, Tom’s a roarer when there’s any thumping or fighting to be done; but at lying he an’t good, Tom an’t—ye see it don’t come natural to him; but, Lord, if thar’s a feller in the country that can swear to anything and everything, and put in all the circumstances and flourishes with a longer face, and carry’t through better’n I can, why, I’d like to see him, that’s all! I b’lieve, in my heart, I could get along and snake through, even if justices were more particular than they is. Sometimes I rather wish they was more particular; ’twould be a heap more relishin’ if they was—more fun, yer know.”

      Tom Loker, who, as we have made it appear, was a man of slow thoughts and movements, here interrupted Marks by bringing his heavy fist down on the table, so as to make all ring again. “It’ll do!” he said.

      “Lord bless ye, Tom, ye needn’t break all the glasses!” said Marks; “save your fist for time o’ need.”

      “But, gentlemen, an’t I to come in for a share of the profits?” said Haley.

      “An’t it enough we catch the boy for ye?” said Loker. “What do ye want?”

      “Wal,” said Haley, “if I gives you the job, it’s worth something, say ten per cent. on the profits, expenses paid.”

      “Now,” said Loker, with a tremendous oath, and striking the table with his heavy fist, “don’t I know you, Dan Haley? Don’t you think to come it over me! Suppose Marks and I have taken up the catchin’ trade, jest to ’commodate gentlemen like you, and get nothin’ for ourselves? Not by a long chalk! we’ll have the gal out and out, and you keep quiet, or, ye see, we’ll have both; what’s to hinder? Han’t you show’d us the game? It’s as free to us as you, I hope. If you or Shelby wants to chase us, look where the partridges was last year; if you find them or us, you’re quite welcome.”

      “Oh, wal, certainly, jest let it go at that,” said Haley, alarmed; “you catch the boy for the job; you allers did trade far with me, Tom, and was up to yer word.”

      “Ye know that,” said Tom; “I don’t pretend none of your snivelling ways, but I won’t lie in my ’counts with the devil himself. What I ses I’ll do, I will do—you know that, Dan Haley?”

      “Jes so, jes so—I said so, Tom,” said Haley; “and if you’d only promise to have the boy for me in a week, at any point you name, that’s all I want.”

      “But it an’t all I want, by a long jump,” said Tom. “You don’t think I did business with you down in Natchez for nothing, Haley; I’ve learned to hold an eel, when I catch him. You’ve got to fork over fifty dollars, flat down, or this child don’t start a peg. I know yer.”

      “Why, when you have a job in hand which may bring a clean profit of somewhere about a thousand or sixteen hundred—why, Tom, you’re onreasonable,” said Haley.

      “Yes, and hasn’t we business booked for five weeks to come—all we can do? And suppose we leaves all, and goes to bush-whacking round arter yer young un, and finally doesn’t catch the gal—and gals allers is the devil to catch—what’s then? would you pay us a cent—would you? I think I see you a doing it—ugh! No, no; flap down your fifty. If we get the job, and it pays, I’ll hand it back; if we don’t, it’s for our trouble—that’s far, an’t it, Marks?”

      “Certainly, certainly,” said Marks, with a conciliatory tone; “it’s only a retaining fee, you see—he! he! he!—we lawyers, yer know. Wal, we must all keep good-natured—keep easy, yer know. Tom’ll have the boy for yer, anywhere ye’ll name; won’t ye, Tom?”

      “If I find the young un, I’ll bring him on to Cincinnati, and leave him at Granny Belcher’s, on the landing,” said Loker.

      Marks had got from his pocket a greasy pocket-book, and taking a long paper thence, he sat down, and fixing his keen black eyes on it, began mumbling its contents: “Barnes, Shelby County—boy Jim—three hundred dollars for him, dead or alive.

      “Edwards—Dick and Lucy—man and wife, six hundred dollars; wench Polly and two children—six hundred for her or her head.

      “I’m jest runnin’ over our business to see if we can take up this yer handily. Loker,” he said, after a pause, “we must set Adams and Springer on the track of these yer; they’ve been booked some time.”

      “They’ll charge too much,” said Tom.

      “I’ll manage that ar; they’s young in the business, and must spect to work cheap,”