What every girl should know. Jan van Elfen

and never interact with one another.

      But before we get carried away with parent-child relationships, we should rather talk about other interesting experiences at this time in your life.

      Mixed feelings

      You may feel confused by the different anatomical names and physiological terms that I use in this book. Perhaps you and your family have used other words. But try to get used to the new terms – and at the same time, do not be ashamed of the names you use at home.

      Your moodiness recently, clumsiness and periods of listlessness are signs that you are growing up. You may be anxious about your first menstruation (period) that is still to come. You’re probably impatient for this big event to start.

      Your first period is an event to look forward to, because it’s the most important early sign that you’re becoming a woman. After that you’ll experience this mixed blessing (because menstruation has both advantages and disadvantages) just about every month. The average time between two periods (the length of your cycle) is about 28 days. It is quite normal, however, for this to vary in length between 21 and 35 days.

      Shortly before your menarche (first menstruation) or shortly afterwards, your body will start producing an ovum (egg cell) every month. This process is called ovulation (read more on page 35). Once you have started to ovulate, you can fall pregnant if you have sexual intercourse with a man at a certain time in your monthly cycle. In other words, you are capable of motherhood.

      To avoid being caught off guard by your periods, you should calculate the length of your cycle. From the very beginning, you should remember to mark the first day of menstruation on a calendar. If you do this regularly, you should be able to calculate the length of your menstrual cycle (the average number of days between the start of your periods) after a while. You should then be able to calculate approximately when to expect your next period, so that you are prepared for it. Bear in mind, however, that your menstrual cycle may be erratic in the beginning.

      Menstruation can make your life unpleasant or uncomfortable, as it does for many women. In addition, it can also be painful. The pain, which varies from mild to quite severe (dysmenorrhoea), is usually felt as cramps in the lower back or abdomen. The pain normally only lasts for the first few days of menstruation and is seldom bad enough to restrict your activities.

      In the premenstrual phase (the few days preceding menstruation), you might also experience pain and feel uncomfortable and swollen in your lower body.

      It’s impossible to predict exactly when the first menstruation will occur. But there are a few warning signs which could serve as clues: About three to four years before a girl’s first menstruation, her breasts will form little bumps. About a year later, these bumps will swell noticeably, and 12 to 18 months before the menarche, fine hairs will start to grow on the pubis (the bulge above the genitals), as well as on the genitals themselves. About six months before the first menstruation, fine hair will appear in the armpits.

      It is understandable that you’ll feel moody when you start menstruating, because it’s a huge adjustment for your body. For the first time you have to accept the fact that you are a young woman and it may take a while for you to grow used to your new identity.

      The knowledge that you are a woman in your own right will be reinforced by the way other people start to accept and treat you as a woman.

      Yet there are girls who are unhappy about being female and who secretly wish they were boys. They should consider the positive aspects and advantages of being a woman. A baby girl gets a grip on life more quickly, is less prone to illness, and walks and talks sooner than most boys. Girls have this advantage for life. At school, girls usually read, spell and recite better than boys. Girls also develop physically earlier than boys.

      Women are better able to withstand cold and are less prone to heart disease than men. On average, women also live longer than men. Although a man can father many children, each child must first develop in a woman’s body before birth. Only a woman’s body is designed for this wonderful role; only a woman can bring a child into the world and feed it at her breast. These factors play a decisive role in keeping the family together.

      The time when women were subordinate to men is long past. In today’s world women are treated as equal to men in almost all areas. Women nowadays tend to be more aware of their inner strength and dignity and have learned to assert themselves. There is no longer, as there was in the past, a separate world for men and women, each with its own traditional opportunities and set pattern of behaviour. You now have greater freedom to become the type of person you choose to be. Women today must join in the important task of setting new patterns of behaviour for both sexes.

      Women and men get along better – at home, work and socially – when they treat each other as individuals with equal rights and abilities. It is believed by some that women are more emotional than men and experience love more deeply. These days there are men and women who do not share this belief. When women and men act like equal partners it gives them a wider range of professions to choose from and therefore a better chance of realising their talents. Men can become nurses, beauticians, chefs, fashion designers and professional flower arrangers (if they have the ability) and receive acclaim when they do well in their chosen field. Women can become engineers, veterinary surgeons, pilots and astronauts, and some even go into boxing or wrestling.

      Men shouldn’t try to boss women around. A man can work for a female boss without compromising his masculinity in any way. It is already common for married couples – either by choice or from necessity – to decide that the father should look after the home and children while the mother earns a living. Such options are now open to everyone.

      Society no longer determines what role people should play. Very few working mothers can manage both the housework and children without the father’s help. When a man refuses to do so-called “women’s work”, this usually results in friction because the woman ends up being overworked, and the whole family suffers.

      Although some men cannot resist acting in a chauvinistic manner at work and making unwelcome sexual advances to their female colleagues, a woman with a strong case can take such a man to court.

      Your feminine nature enables you to do so much. You have every reason to be proud of being a woman. It is also very important to realise that a feminine figure alone doesn’t make a girl into a woman. True femininity isn’t learned, but is part of your being. It’s within you, it’s part of your heart and soul and is reflected in everything you do. In the meantime you must learn to adjust to the most important early sign of your womanhood, menstruation.

      Get advice from your mother or doctor about any aspects of menstruation that you don’t understand, but don’t listen to old wives’ tales. It is not true that you will catch a cold or suffer some terrible fate if you bath, wash your hair or walk barefoot during your period. After all, menstruation is not a disease but a normal bodily function.

      Although the length of the cycle, regularity, duration of menstruation and the amount of blood lost vary from one woman to the next, and even in the same woman, menstruation seldom causes so much discomfort that it completely disrupts your life. The flow of blood is initially fairly insignificant and brief, lasting from three to six days, and is normally so slight that it seldom causes weakness or anaemia. In a healthy girl it is replaced within a few days by the increased production of blood in the bone marrow. It might, however, help to take a vitamin or iron supplement during menstruation.

      Tests conducted by sports physicians have shown that the performance of sportswomen (athletes, tennis players and even swimmers) is not affected by menstruation. Many world records have been set by women while they were menstruating. Stage actresses, film stars and photographic models cannot afford to let menstruation interrupt their work. The old-fashioned belief that a girl is “unclean” at that time of the month has long since been rejected (even though some cultures retain these beliefs and practices).

      Dysmenorrhoea (painful menstruation) can usually be relieved with ordinary painkillers, such as those taken for headaches. The warmth of a hot-water bottle, placed on the abdomen, might also bring relief. It is better not to stay in bed because