What every boy should know. Jan van Elfen

annoying is the whiff you’ll sometimes get from your armpits, groin and feet. Your family will probably notice it before you do, especially on a hot day if you forget to take off your sweaty clothes and socks. These new body odours are caused by secretions from the apocrine sweat glands that are situated only in the armpits, sex organs and soles of the feet. These secretions actually have only a faint smell, but it is unique to each person. Our sense of smell has generally become so weak that (unlike dogs) we are unable to distinguish between our own smell and that of others. When sweat is attacked by skin bacteria, the chemical reaction causes a faint smell. This results in the unpleasant odour of sweaty bodies and feet.

      In the past, like most of your friends, you were probably not too keen on soap and water. Your mother no doubt had to check whether you had washed your ears, knees and heels properly. Now you’ll have to turn over a new leaf. You don’t want your friends to have to move upwind of you to avoid the smell of sweat or stinky feet. There’s nothing for it but to use soap and water regularly if you want to remain popular.

      Apart from soap and water, you could also use a deodorant as an extra precaution against unpleasant body odours. Rather avoid the kinds described as “dry”, “extra dry” or “antiperspirant”. People with sensitive skins could react badly to concentrated chemicals that contract the pores (skin openings) of sweat glands. This could cause an irritating dermatitis (itchiness and redness) or painful little sores in the armpits.

      And while we’re on the subject …

      Now that you’ve started shaving and using deodorant and other toiletries, it’s time to talk to your parents about increasing your pocket money – if you are lucky enough to receive a weekly or monthly allowance and need to buy these items. If your family buys them for you, you should keep the rising cost of toiletries in mind and budget carefully.

      Your body and posture

      It takes a while to get used to your new body and more masculine appearance. At this time, many boys feel anxious about the rate at which they are growing, especially if they rapidly overtake their friends. Many try to make themselves less obtrusive by slouching. A bent back and drooping shoulders do not promote good posture and create a bad impression. Accept the build you have and walk briskly with a straight back. People are usually more aware of posture than build.

      Speaking of good posture, remember that regular physical exercise is the best way to prevent drooping shoulders, a pigeon chest and grasshopper legs.

      At the same time, you really should avoid lots of sweets and other fattening treats, since the body converts and stores them as fat, unless you’re very active. Who wants to be so fat that you have trouble climbing a flight of stairs or jogging up a slope?

      That gnawing hunger

      It is important to eat enough for your growth and energy needs, but you don’t have to go overboard. If you’re always hungry, eat fruit, nuts, dried fruit, cheese or milk rather than sweets, cake, pies, sandwiches or chips. It’s always a better idea to eat whole-wheat bread with cheese instead of white bread with jam. You should remember that fat teenagers usually become fat adults. Your family doctor can tell you about the ailments common to overweight people – from varicose veins and gallstones to diabetes and heart problems.

      Never starve yourself in your quest for a good build. You should eat enough wholesome food like meat, eggs, grain and dairy products, vegetables and fruit three times a day. Eat to satisfy your hunger, not your greed. If you want to go on a diet, for weight loss or gain, be sensible. Ask the advice of your doctor, a dietician or the home economics teacher at your school.

      Fast growers who worry about growing too tall can take heart from the fact that their rate of growth will slow down once the testes have made enough testosterone (male hormone).

      There’s no need to fret about a skinny body either. If you’re not built for rugby, you can make your mark in another sport more suited to a lean, lithe build, such as soccer, athletics, tennis, volleyball, hockey, squash, swimming, cycling, karate or dancing.

      Perhaps you’re worried about growing too slowly. You’re scared that you’ll remain short forever. It could be that your quick growth spurt still lies ahead, but if you’re going to remain short, you will have to learn to accept your appearance. It won’t help to place your faith in extra vitamins and power foods. Instead of being embarrassed about your size, cultivate your nimbleness and resourcefulness to compete with others. Some of the best Springbok scrumhalves over the years have weighed less than 65 kg. You don’t have to stand back for bigger boys when it comes to girls either. Lots of girls are quite short and like boys who don’t make them feel like dwarfs. Just think what Tom Cruise managed to achieve in spite of his lack of height!

      Emotional changes

      Just remember that family will probably always provide greater comfort and better advice than strangers. When you were small, who did you run to when you stubbed your toe? Who tucked you in so warmly on cold nights? Wasn’t it your mother – or perhaps your grandmother, aunty or older sister – who brought you up, who can read your mind like a book and often knows what you need even before you do? Who in fact loves you more or knows you better than anyone? Talk to her when you’re feeling unsure – about the clothes you want to wear, the birthday present you’re after or the girl you have your eye on.

      But don’t forget about your father, or any other father figure in your life. He recognises your approaching manhood and is probably proud of it. He no longer always treats you like a child.

      But sometimes it feels like a gulf has opened up between you.

      Gone are the days when he lifted you onto his lap and told you stories. Gone too are the times you went camping together, or fishing. Nowadays his conversations with you are often warnings: “If you don’t study harder, you won’t pass this term,” or “Don’t let me catch you smoking.”

      They are still interested in what you’re up to, but the awareness of your growing independence, means they do not want to interfere too much. When they warn you about riding your bicycle safely or studying harder, it’s because they are concerned about your safety and your future. Don’t take it as personal criticism.

      When you’re moody, you’ll say things you don’t really mean. Afterwards you’ll feel like kicking yourself for being so rude. Rather ask for forgiveness the moment you realise you were wrong. Remember, your parents and care-givers work hard to look after the home and family and they are entitled to your respect. When children are too rebellious and parents are too proud to give in, it creates an unpleasant atmosphere and the parent-child relationship suffers. Psychologists call this situation the generation gap – where communication between the parent and child is nearly impossible. Please don’t let your defiance drives a wedge between you and your parents.

      When your father (or father figure) reprimands you, rather say, “Okay, I’ll see what I can do.” This way, you can ease the situation and at the same time make them realise that you still need them and value their attention. For example, say, “When are we going fishing again?” Try to think of something you can do together.

      When you are alone with your father, use the opportunity to have a man-to-man talk with him about things that bother you. What career does he think you should be looking at? How should you attract the attention of a cute girl? Does he think it’s okay to go out with a girl at your age and, if not, why not? Or you can ask his advice on how to improve your sporting skills.

      Do you know how much your father will appreciate it if, in passing, you touch his arm or punch him playfully? Just to show him that your feelings haven’t changed and that you’re glad he’s your dad. Your mom will be delighted if you surprise her with a hug and a kiss. People shouldn’t share the same house if they never interact with one another. If you can help to create a more pleasant atmosphere at home, you will get on better with your parents – and probably find that they will cut you more slack.

      But before this sermon gets too long, let’s rather talk about other interesting experiences in your life. Such as what exactly is happening to your body and what is causing your new interest in girls.