Candide: A Play in Five Acts. Voltaire

on>

      Candide

      BORGO PRESS BOOKS BY CLÉMENT VAUTEL & LÉO MARCHÈS

      Candide

      BORGO PRESS BOOKS BY VOLTAIRE

      The Death of Caesar

      Oedipus

      Saul and David

      Socrates

      COPYRIGHT INFORMATION

      Copyright © 2000, 2013 by Frank J. Morlock

      Published by Wildside Press LLC

      www.wildsidebooks.com

      DEDICATION

      For my dear friend, Doctor Ernesto Ibarra

      CAST OF CHARACTERS

      CANDIDE

      PANGLOSS

      CACAMBO

      MARTIN

      DON FERNANDO

      GOOD OLD TURK

      BARON

      KING OF THE BULGARS

      The GRAND INQUISITOR

      2nd MONARCH

      4th MONARCH

      JESUIT

      DON ISSACHAR

      1st MONARCH

      ECCLESIASTIC

      3rd MONARCH

      GRAND ALMONER

      DECEIVED HUSBAND

      1st NCO

      ALGUAZIL

      2nd NCO

      WORKER

      PACIFIST

      1st PIKEMAN

      2nd PIKEMAN

      YOUNG MAN

      LACKEY

      2nd YOUNG MAN

      OFFICER OF ST. HERMANDAD

      SECRETARY

      INHABITANT OF LISBON

      CUNEGONDE

      OLD WOMAN

      BARONESS

      OPULENT MAIDEN

      PAQUETTE

      YOUNG WOMAN

      BEAUTIFUL GIRL

      1st FEMALE INHABITANT

      2nd FEMALE INHABITANT

      SERVANT

      WOMAN

      ACT I

      SCENE 1

      In the back a dilapidated Château, but possessing a door and windows. In front of the Château a small forest, baptized a park. Thickets and wild flowers—

      BARON

      (Entering) Hey! My pikeman! My wife! My Grand Almoner! Hey! Candide! Cunegonde! Hey Pangloss! Hey! Everybody—! I am very dissatisfied—I am furious—!

      (Enter the Baroness followed by the Grand Almoner)

      BARONESS

      What’s the matter with you, my friend?

      BARON

      The matter is, Baroness—That I intend to remain master here—Am I no longer the high and mighty Baron Thunder-ten-Tronchk?

      BARONESS

      You still are my friend!

      GRAND ALMONER

      One of the most respected lords of Westphalia, whose Grand Almoner I have the honor to be—when I am not watching over the health of the souls of the Parish in my capacity as vicar.

      BARON

      (Going back and forth waving his whip) Where are my people? I think I haven’t yet whipped them today!

      GRAND ALMONER

      Milord, you treat them with too much kindness—that type mustn’t be treated too kindly.

      BARON

      Yes, I am too good. (Enter two pikemen). Ah—! There you are—swine, brigands—scoundrels—

      GRAND ALMONER

      Ask Milord’s pardon—

      1st PIKEMAN

      What did we do? (The Baron runs after them and administers his whip to them)

      GRAND ALMONER

      Don’t run away like that—You’ll tire the Baron.

      BARON

      (To Pikeman) I ought to hang you from the postern gate of my castle—You want to kill my honorable dogs, the most beautiful dogs of Westphalia—dogs of pedigree—noble dogs?

      1st PIKEMAN

      By doing what, Milord?

      BARON

      By feeding them the way you do—wretches! You gorge them.

      1st PIKEMAN

      Once a day I give them bread dipped in dishwater—and sometimes some bones left by Milord and his illustrious family—

      BARON

      That’s too much! My dogs are dying of indigestion—just as you will die yourselves—ruffians—Here the whole world eats too much—beasts and people.

      BARONESS

      It’s true. They’ve been gorged!

      GRAND ALMONER

      They are being delivered to the sin of gourmandizing.

      BARON

      It’s a scandal! I intend that this stop, you understand? (Brandishing his whip) My house is not an inn where everyone can stuff themselves at my expense to that extent! The animals and the people in my service have appetites that don’t coincide with their social position. Small folks must have small stomachs.

      BARONESS

      That’s evident!

      GRAND ALMONER

      That’s fair.

      BARON

      I will see to that. Besides, I am very dissatisfied with the appearance and the administration of my Château—

      GRAND ALMONER

      Which is one of the most beautiful castles in Westphalia!

      BARON

      An evil spirit reigns. The servants are inclined more and more to deviate from the good traditions of the past—Not only that, they eat too much but they permit themselves to argue. It’s unheard of! And when employing the rights my birth conferred upon me. I wish to correct them by switching their backsides with the whip God confided in me—They dare to take flight—!

      PIKEMAN

      Pardon us, Milord.

      GRAND ALMONER

      You will accuse yourselves of great sins when you come to confess—

      BARON

      Submission—respect—are gone—I ask myself what we are coming to—Poor Westphalia—you are heading toward the abyss! Happily—I am here—

      GRAND ALMONER

      We are here—!

      BARON

      I am going to put an end to this state of things so that my Château, which is the most beautiful castle in Westphalia will regain its fine appearance—! Two ways to do that! First of all, my whip! And then moral education—good, clean ideas—

      GRAND