The Philo Vance Megapack. S.S. Van Dine

Benson murder falls into that categ’ry. Therefore, when, after a few hours’ investigation, you say you’re pretty sure who committed it, you must pardon me if I take issue with you.”

      He paused and took a few meditative puffs on his cigarette. “The factitious and casuistic methods of deduction you chaps pursue are apt to lead almost anywhere. In proof of which assertion I point triumphantly to the unfortunate young lady whose liberty you are now plotting to take away.”

      Markham, who had been hiding his resentment behind a smile of tolerant contempt, now turned on Vance and fairly glowered.

      “It so happens—and I’m speaking ex cathedra,” he proclaimed defiantly, “that I come pretty near having the goods on your ‘unfortunate young lady.’”

      Vance was unmoved. “And yet, y’ know,” he observed drily, “no woman could possibly have done it.”

      I could see that Markham was furious. When he spoke he almost spluttered.

      “A woman couldn’t have done it, eh—no matter what the evidence?”

      “Quite so,” Vance rejoined placidly; “not if she herself swore to it and produced a tome of what you scions of the law term, rather pompously, incontrovertible evidence.”

      “Ah!” There was no mistaking the sarcasm of Markham’s tone. “I am to understand, then, that you even regard confessions as valueless?”

      “Yes, my dear Justinian,” the other responded, with an air of complacency; “I would have you understand precisely that. Indeed, they are worse than valueless—they’re downright misleading. The fact that occasionally they may prove to be correct—like woman’s prepost’rously overrated intuition—renders them just so much more unreliable.”

      Markham grunted disdainfully.

      “Why should any person confess something to his detriment unless he felt that the truth had been found out or was likely to be found out?”

      “’Pon my word, Markham, you astound me! Permit me to murmur, privatissime et gratis, into your innocent ear that there are many other presumable motives for confessing. A confession may be the result of fear, or duress, or expediency, or mother-love, or chivalry, or what the psychoanalysts call the inferiority complex, or delusions, or a mistaken sense of duty, or a perverted egotism, or sheer vanity, or any other of a hundred causes. Confessions are the most treach’rous and unreliable of all forms of evidence; and even the silly and unscientific law repudiates them in murder cases unless substantiated by other evidence.”

      “You are eloquent; you wring me,” said Markham. “But if the law threw out all confessions and ignored all material clues, as you appear to advise, then society might as well close down all its courts and scrap all its jails.”

      “A typical non sequitur of legal logic,” Vance replied.

      “But how would you convict the guilty, may I ask?”

      “There is one infallible method of determining human guilt and responsibility,” Vance explained; “but as yet the police are as blissfully unaware of its possibilities as they are ignorant of its operations. The truth can be learned only by an analysis of the psychological factors of a crime and an application of them to the individual. The only real clues are psychological—not material. Your truly profound art expert, for instance, does not judge and authenticate pictures by an inspection of the underpainting and a chemical analysis of the pigments, but by studying the creative personality revealed in the picture’s conception and execution. He asks himself: Does this work of art embody the qualities of form and technique and mental attitude that made up the genius—namely, the personality—of Rubens, or Michelangelo, or Veronese, or Titian, or Tintoretto, or whoever may be the artist to whom the work has been tentatively credited.”

      “My mind is, I fear,” Markham confessed, “still sufficiently primitive to be impressed by vulgar facts; and in the present instance—unfortunately for your most original and artistic analogy—I possess quite an array of such facts, all of which indicate that a certain young woman is the—shall we say?—creator of the criminal opus entitled The Murder of Alvin Benson.”

      Vance shrugged his shoulders almost imperceptibly.

      “Would you mind telling me—in confidence, of course—what these facts are?”

      “Certainly not,” Markham acceded. “Imprimis: the lady was in the house at the time the shot was fired.”

      Vance affected incredibility. “Eh—my word! She was actu’lly there? Most extr’ordin’ry!”

      “The evidence of her presence is unassailable,” pursued Markham. “As you know, the gloves she wore at dinner and the handbag she carried with her were both found on the mantel in Benson’s living room.”

      “Oh!” murmured Vance, with a faintly deprecating smile. “It was not the lady, then, but her gloves and bag which were present—a minute and unimportant distinction, no doubt, from the legal point of view.… Still,” he added, “I deplore the inability of my layman’s untutored mind to accept the two conditions as identical. My trousers are at the dry cleaners; therefore, I am at the dry cleaners, what?”

      Markham turned on him with considerable warmth.

      “Does it mean nothing in the way of evidence, even to your layman’s mind, that a woman’s intimate and necessary articles, which she has carried throughout the evening, are found in her escort’s quarters the following morning?”

      “In admitting that it does not,” Vance acknowledged quietly, “I no doubt expose a legal perception lamentably inefficient.”

      “But since the lady certainly wouldn’t have carried these particular objects during the afternoon, and since she couldn’t have called at the house that evening during Benson’s absence without the housekeeper knowing it, how, may one ask, did these articles happen to be there the next morning if she herself did not take them there late that night?”

      “’Pon my word, I haven’t the slightest notion,” Vance rejoined. “The lady, herself could doubtless appease your curiosity. But there are any number of possible explanations, y’ know. Our departed Chesterfield might have brought them home in his coat pocket—women are eternally handing men all manner of gewgaws and bundles to carry for ’em, with the cooing request: ‘Can you put this in your pocket for me?’… Then again, there is the possibility that the real murderer secured them in some way and placed them on the mantel delib’rately to mislead the Polizei. Women, don’t y’ know, never put their belongings in such neat, out-of-the-way places as mantels and hatracks. They invariably throw them down on your fav’rite chair or your center table.”

      “And, I suppose,” Markham interjected, “Benson also brought the lady’s cigarette butts home in his pocket?”

      “Stranger things have happened,” returned Vance equably; “though I sha’n’t accuse him of it in this instance.… The cigarette butts may, y’ know, be evidence of a previous conversazione.”

      “Even your despised Heath,” Markham informed him, “had sufficient intelligence to ascertain from the housekeeper that she sweeps out the grate every morning.”

      Vance sighed admiringly. “You’re so thorough, aren’t you?… But, I say, that can’t be, by any chance, your only evidence against the lady?”

      “By no means,” Markham assured him. “But, despite your superior distrust, it’s good corroboratory evidence nevertheless.”

      “I daresay,” Vance agreed, “seeing with what frequency innocent persons are condemned in our courts.… But tell me more.”

      Markham proceeded with an air of quiet self-assurance. “My man learned, first, that Benson dined alone with this woman at the Marseilles, a little bohemian restaurant in West Fortieth Street; secondly, that they quarreled; and thirdly, that they departed at midnight, entering a taxicab together.… Now, the murder was committed at twelve-thirty; but since the