L'Assommoir: A Play in Five Acts. Emile Zola

is hard in Paris.

      MADAME BOCHE

      That’s not surprising, from agreement with the population. As I left you just now, I met Mr. Lantier on the street.

      GERVAISE

      Yes, he came back. Heavens! I forgot my blue.

      MADAME BOCHE

      Don’t disturb yourself. I have some at your service.

      GERVAISE

      Thanks.

      MADAME BOCHE

      Between you and me, I think he’s a bit of a chaser.

      GERVAISE (emotionally)

      Lantier! What do you mean?

      MADAME BOCHE

      Why, I don’t know anything, or at least nothing much. Virginia—indeed, you know that big Virginia, my tenant.

      GERVAISE (more and more uneasy)

      Yes! Well?

      MADAME BOCHE

      Well, every time he meets her, he jokes with her.

      GERVAISE (exploding)

      I’m not mistaken. It was with Virginia he went last night to the Grand Balcony.

      MADAME BOCHE (very lit up)

      To the Grand Balcony, you saw them. (aside) So that’s it. (aloud) Ah, my little friend, you are deceiving yourself. He jokes with her but it never goes farther than that—my word of honor!

      GERVAISE

      Ah! That girl! If I was sure! If I was sure!

      (Virginia enters)

      MADAME BOCHE

      Heavens! Speak of the Devil! There she is, Virginia! What’s she come to wash here with her four knots in her handkerchief?

      GERVAISE (looking at her)

      She! It’s she!

      VIRGINIA (to Charles)

      Do you have a spot?

      CHARLES

      Down there to the right.

      JULIETTE

      Over this way, Virginia!

      VIRGINIA (going to the left)

      Yes there. I’ll be very fine there.

      MADAME BOCHE (to Gervaise)

      Now there’s a caprice. She’s never soaped a pair of gloves! A famous pretender. I’ll wager for that. A dress maker who doesn’t mend anything except her boots.

      VIRGINIA (noticing Madame Boche)

      It’s you, Madame Boche. Are you well this morning?

      MADAME BOCHE

      See for yourself. (low to Gervaise who’s looking at Virginia fixedly) Look, don’t stare at her like that, you’re going to cause a scandal. Here the two of you devour each other with your eyes. Since I tell you there’s nothing to it!

      GERVAISE

      I don’t want her to look at me.

      MADAME BOCHE

      Be reasonable! I’m going to help you twist your linen—and we will leave.

      (they both twist linen)

      GERVAISE

      Yes, yes, quick or I won’t answer for myself.

      CHARLES (entering)

      Madame Lantier!

      GERVAISE

      What’s the matter?

      CHARLES

      A kid’s asking for you.

      GERVAISE

      What’s he want with me?

      MADAME BOCHE (seeing Ugene enter)

      Heaves! It’s Ugene—the little boy of your landlord Mr. Madinier.

      UGENE

      Hello, Madame Lantier. Here’s what Mr. Coupeau ordered me to deliver to you. (delivers the key)

      GERVAISE

      My key? Why’s he bringing me my key?

      UGENE

      Hell! I don’t know. It’s for you to know.

      GERVAISE

      My God! What’s it mean?

      VIRGINIA

      Really (laughing) it’s not difficult to comprehend!

      UGENE (with a wink)

      Mr. Lantier left.

      GERVAISE

      Left! But he’s going to return?

      UGENE

      Oh! I don’t think so. I saw him get in a cab with his trunk.

      GERVAISE

      Left! So that was it! Ah! My God! Ah! My God! (she bursts into tears)

      UGENE

      My errand’s performed. I’m off. (he runs out)

      MADAME BOCHE (to Gervaise)

      Come on, come on, my little friend, courage!

      VIRGINIA (laughing)

      Ah! Ha! (she chokes her laughter)

      MADAME BOCHE

      Be reasonable! Everyone’s looking at you. Is it possible to make oneself so much trouble over a man? How stupid we women are!

      GERVAISE

      No! Such an abomination has never been seen!

      MADAME BOCHE

      The fact is he’s a rough customer! A pretty little woman like you! Now, can I tell you everything?

      GERVAISE

      Yes, speak, speak.

      MADAME BOCHE

      Well! With this Virginia—I’ve known about it for a long while. Last night, they came back together.

      GERVAISE (no longer weeping, looking at Virginia)

      Last night! And there I was waiting at the window.

      VIRGINIA (to the washerwoman)

      Damn! After all, when you’ve had enough of a woman, right? (she laughs)

      MADAME BOCHE

      She’s laughing. The heartless—I will bet her washing is only a pretext. She’s come here to talk her head off about what you would do.

      GERVAISE

      That’s fine, thanks. You’re going to see. (she takes a pail of soapy water, goes toward Virginia and throws it at her) Here! This is for you!

      VIRGINIA (who jumped back and didn’t receive the water)

      Well! What’s gotten into you—to rage here. Come forward a bit so we can see you. You, you don’t have to come put on the swank with us here. As for me, did I know! If she’d—she had caught me, you ought to have seen this. What’s she say that I did to her? Speak—what was done to you?

      GERVAISE (through her teeth)

      Don’t talk so much! You know very well you were seen last night with my husband. And shut up, because you’re going to have a bad time, I swear to you.

      VIRGINIA

      Her husband! Ah! She’s bold, she is! Madame’s husband! As if one had husbands with this gimp. It’s not my fault, if he left you. You can search me, I didn’t steal him.

      (laughter