Amen's Boy. William Maltese

he was so angry I thought he was getting sick. I didn’t know it was, partly, an act to test me, to make sure I made this decision and was going to stick with it. I was used to him testing me to make sure I was not being a bad kid, someone who said one thing and did another. But his anger was real, and I began to fear him more. I went to bed many nights that summer not knowing what I’d say or do the next day. During the dark of night, I’d see him standing in the door of my room, watching me like a shadow of a man, a ghost; I was afraid he would come to my bed, tear off the covers, and yell at me. He came to the door every night and stood there, a black figure in the darkness. I never knew why he stood there staring at me for long times during the dark night.

      Nothing violent or angry happened again after he cooled off. He came around. He negotiated tuition with the officials at Mettray, in his angry way, he told them that, by golly, they could take his son away from him but they couldn’t make him pay them for it. If I was going to be a priest and work for the church, then damn them, they should pay my tuition for me. He must have hit on a nerve, because I found out through Father Terry secretly that my tuition was one-half the regular tuition. I thought this was a shameful thing and tried to hide any knowledge of this fact from my peers.

      When he agreed, to my surprise, he began to have tears form in his eyes. He said, “Son, I will agree to you going to Mettray, but I want you to promise me you will be a good priest, never ever doing any wrong, and always remembering your mother and I love you and it is a great sacrifice for us to give you up like this in your youth.”

      God! I cried too. Mother, and then the baby cried. That stopped us all, and Mother had to tend to him. Daddy and I hugged. I think it was the only time he ever hugged me except when we were headed for church in the Mercury.