i am the love letter. lillian grace

somehow your hands are always warm

      and maybe that’s a result of that fire of fight inside of you

      maybe i didn’t want hot chocolate once

      maybe i want hot chocolate a million times with you

      maybe i want to try every coffee shop within 25 miles

      just to see which one is the best

      and then try them all over again because maybe we missed something

      maybe i don’t want to sit with you once

      maybe i want to sit by your side during every moment

      when we watch movies late at night

      when you can come out to someone random without even being scared

      when we’re at the Tony Awards because your support has gotten me somewhere

      when we fall asleep listening to +trying because all the songs make you so happy

      that maybe i appreciate more what it does for you than it does for me

      maybe you’re wondering why i said maybe this whole poem

      because maybe you think i’ll deny it later

      maybe i did use it that way

      no, i know for a fact that i didn’t

      because i thought about it as two separate words

      may be

      i hope that we may be a force of nature

      i hope that we may be sitting together in twenty years

      reading our old love poems and holding eachother

      i hope that we may be watching rain slide down windows

      because i loved the smell of rain more than anything

      but somehow now i love the smell of you even more

      i hope that we may be that badass old couple who still wants eachother

      when everyone else has lost their spark

      i hope that we may be the ones whose love is always electric

      i hope that we might be in love till

      forever

      i hope that you may love me forever

      because, god, if i could go off on a tangent that lasted until the end of time

      it would all just be about how much i love you

      about how much i am so in love with you

      every. single. moment.

      the words

      “You are beautiful”

      never quite fit right between my braces

      until i saw the way you exist

      the way you smile with your teeth

      the way you are consistently sarcastic with me

      the way you can fool me about basically everything

      the way your hair is hated by you but genuinely completely adored by me

      the way you and love and change and hope and dream

      it’s all so goddamn beautiful

      you’re so goddamn beautiful

      i’m going to keep writing you, Lovie

      i’m going to keep writing you until long after you run out of things to say about me

      my words are everything i am

      but i want to give you everything i have

      i would rather you have the whole world than i have a single drop of cold air

      my girl is made of poetry

      words and metaphors

      and vulnerability and strength

      and so many oxymorons of existence

      you are, i’m convinced, the reason for my existence

      and i don’t ever want to let go

      transatlanticism

      My close friend was forced out of her school because she was gay

      And you can’t even say hello to me

      My close friend leaves me voicemails using her mother’s phone

      And you can’t answer my snapchats

      You were the first girlfriend I ever had

      But that doesn’t make you the first girl I ever loved

      I can only give you so much space

      Before we are strangers

      Trying to build boats out of nothing

      To sail across an ocean of emptiness

      With the wind of our sighs

      Pushing us towards what once was

      honest

      I AM TIRED OF LOVING

      open letter to closeted queer young girls

      ever since i came out as bisexual every other word

      to come out of my mouth has been gay

      it’s funny what being open about the person that you are can do to you

      it’s funny how i can make gay jokes now

      and people see that i’m not being offensive

      i’m actually in a position where i’m joking about myself

      it’s funny how no one had any interest in my dating life

      until i said i was bisexual on a stage

      don’t you think that’s funny?

      september, fourteen years ago

      my gayness is being her sneaky self

      and hiding behind tall boys with bleached hair

      and shorter ones who called me the love of their life

      end of 7th grade, june

      her pink, purple, and blue flag is found

      waving from the top of every flagpole

      her gayness was like a truckload of bricks

      i took those bricks and shoved them right into my closet

      where they lived for two years

      april, freshman year

      coming out was hard enough

      i decided i, a dramatic theatre kid

      would come out in a slam poem with the whole school watching

      i’ve done plenty of spoken word pieces

      since then, people have stood up

      and left the room when i’ve started to speak

      and yes, i’ve gotten tons of pity claps

      because what does a fourteen-year-old

      bisexual girl know about this world

      because gay is an insult

      right?

      because our whole community definitely has enough space in the closet

      right?

      because who cares what people feel, there are only two genders