Parenting With Pets, the Magic of Raising Children With Pets [Revised, Second Edition]. Margaret Hevel

feelings than to express them. Adolescents are often so confused that it may be impossible for them to find the right words to convey what they are feeling. If children lose the ability to talk about their feelings, they may become depressed and therefore feel alienated and alone. Animals can help teens through this difficult time because they demand interaction. The attention needed from the teen may be as simple as tending to the animal’s basic needs or as complex as giving a training session.

      Animals respond to sunrises and sunsets, to the pulse of seasons, to the gravitational pull caused by the changing phases of the moon. By spending time with animals, we relax, our pulse slows, our pace tempers. We reconnect to a natural sense of time long forgotten. Let us take you on a journey to explore the value of letting pets and nature into your home. We feel the gifts that animals and nature bring will enrich your lives. They will provide you with varied opportunities for teaching and for creating gateways to communicating with your children. Some of the activities we suggest cost as little as a pencil and piece of paper. Others can be more involved.

      As you read through this book, we invite you to listen, talk, and become involved in the life of your child. There is only one key ingredient to successful parenting: time. We must touch the lives of our children daily, or one day we may realize that our children are grown and gone and our chance to influence their lives has passed. The best parenting costs nothing…love is free.

      CHILDREN AND PETS

      “A child who is exposed to the emotional experiences inherent in playing with a pet is given many learning opportunities that are essential to wholesome personality development”

      - Boris Levinson, Child psychologist

      “Mommy, Daddy, can I pleeeease get him? I promise I’ll take care of him all on my own.” Most parents at one time or another have been subjected to the persistent pleas of a child whose heart has been captured by a creature of nature. Usually it is the cuddly furriness of a puppy or kitten.

      As tempting as it is to give in, the decision to add a new life to the family should not be an impulsive one. As parents, we teach by example. Our preparation for and careful consideration of adding a new family member is the first step in parenting with a pet. This important beginning models responsibility to our child at its most basic level. When we control the buying impulse, we teach our children to stop and think before they act. It is important for parents to remember the difference between the purchases of inanimate objects, such as toys, and the commitment to another living creature. A pet should not be seen as disposable.

      Why Get a Pet and What to Expect

      There is evidence that the presence of animals can alter children’s attitudes toward themselves and their ability to relate to others. Live animals are catalysts for social and verbal interactions among children. According to one study, animals as varied as dogs, birds, and spiders facilitated social interactions.

      Brenda Bryant, a University of California-Davis Applied Behavioral Science Professor, explains that experiences with pets increase competence in children in ways that other learned tasks cannot. In addition to increased verbal skills, children naturally become more attuned to nonverbal communication as a result of interactions with their pet. This comes from their practice at “reading” their pet’s body language. But this skill is not restricted to their pet. These children also demonstrated the ability to draw the correct conclusions about emotions from human faces more accurately than those from homes without a pet.

      Students with a companion animal are able to express their emotions more freely than children from homes without a pet. This may be due in part to the nonjudgmental attitude of animals. These children also had an easier time in social situations and were more adept at problem solving.

      As the child grows, his or her world becomes more and more complex and stressful. A pet in the family can provide a child with a constant. This security allows the child to experiment with different strategies to reduce stress. As parents, we can help coach our children with positive means for them to handle their daily pressures both at home and at school.

      Sarah stomped through the front door, slammed her backpack on the floor, slumped into the kitchen chair, and heaved a huge sigh.

      “I can see you’ve had a hard day.”

      Sarah glared at her mother and rolled her eyes.

      “You know, Daisy has been sitting at the gate all afternoon waiting for you to get home and take her for a walk.”

      “I don’t feel like it right now,” Sarah mumbled.

      “I know you don’t; I can tell how upset you are. However, it’s really important that Daisy get out for her walk. I’ll have a snack ready for you when you get back.” Her mother put an arm around her daughter’s shoulder. “If you feel like talking, I’ll listen.”

      Sarah heaved a sigh and grabbed Daisy’s leash.

      “Sarah?”

      She turned and scowled at her mother.

      “You know I love you?” her mother said.

      “Yeah, I know.”

      Sarah walked into the backyard and sat down on the step. Daisy wiggled over to the teen and tucked a nose under her hand. Her soft brown eyes watched Sarah. Almost absent-mindedly, Sarah stroked Daisy’s fur. With each even stroke, Sarah relaxed. Daisy sat beside Sarah, enjoying the attention. After a while, Sarah smiled at her companion. “OK, ready for your walk?” Daisy danced around Sarah eager for the adventure she knew was attached to those words. Sarah laughed at the antics of her excited pup then snapped on the leash. As they started down the front walk, Sarah was sharing Daisy’s happiness and had all but forgotten the upset that had caused her to feel angry.

      Most of the time a pet is eagerly accepted into the home. Occasionally however, the idea of having a pet is more attractive than the real thing. Some children, especially toddlers, may find the new family member frightening. This reaction is not unusual and resembles the response that youngsters might display when a new sibling becomes part of the family. It is important for young children to feel secure with the new relationship and for them to understand that this new addition is not a threat to their being loved. Parents can help with this transition by displaying excitement about the new family member. This will help the fearful child see that there is no cause for alarm.

      When the pet first arrives home, everyone will be excited to hold and interact with the new family member, but they may find the animal’s sudden movements upsetting. As parents we can reduce this fear by creating a safe environment for both the child and the pet as they become acquainted. Since all animals need time to adjust to their new surroundings, we can explain the need to keep a quiet voice and to move slowly. This becomes a wonderful opportunity for us to explain about considering someone else’s feelings. By asking our children to consider how frightening this experience must be for their pet, we exemplify empathy and sensitivity. In addition, a relaxed animal is more likely to respond in a positive fashion to the child’s overtures.

      Older children may lose interest after finally getting the longed-for pet. According to Dr. Marty Becker in his book, Healing Power of Pets, around ninety-nine percent of children say that they want a pet. That doesn’t mean that ninety-nine percent of children want the unpleasant task of picking up dog poop, changing the litter box, or cleaning a bird or rodent cage. However, in order for children to gain the full benefits associated with animals, they must do these chores. Caring for the needs of an animal allows a child to give something the animal cannot attain on its own. By providing their animal with food, water, and clean housing, children discover that they are needed and relied upon in a way they most likely have not experienced before. Responsibility is a natural outcome of the realization that, in this world, each person is necessary and uniquely important.