The Handbook for Poor Students, Rich Teaching. Eric Jensen

       Understand the Need for Empathy

      In Poor Students, Rich Teaching, Revised Edition (Jensen, 2019), I write in detail on the research that supports why your students need empathy. Students in poverty don’t need to be told their lives are tough; they often need a caring adult or a shoulder to lean on and an empathic teacher who listens. When students do not get support and empathy, they have more than just hurt feelings; they have stress, and students from poor families typically experience more stressors and have fewer skills to cope with that stress (Evans & Kim, 2007). Students of color are also more likely to experience chronic stress (Brody, Lei, Chen, & Miller, 2014). (Note that in addition to the empathy tools in this chapter, I offer some stress-management strategies to maintain student engagement in chapter 16, page 175.)

      Now for some good news: positive relational experiences can mitigate the damaging effects chronic stress has on the brain. Our brain structures respond to empathic support by reducing stress hormones (like cortisol) and increasing the serotonin for well-being (Williams, Perrett, Waiter, & Pechey, 2007). When empathy is strong, emotional support fosters greater growth of the hippocampus, which enhances learning and memory. Plus, emotional support builds new mass in this structure, which is healthy (Luby et al., 2012, 2013).

      If you are struggling to help students learn and behave, this is critical: foster quality, empathic relationships. Next, here are tools to accomplish this.

       Use Empathy Tools

      To keep coming to school, students need a caring adult, not a judge and an executioner. When a student shares something adverse that happened, avoid any impulsive or judgmental reaction, and instead start with empathy. There are many ways to show you care. Make your caring explicit. Not every student will read your face or body language, which might be your primary way of showing empathy. Take a moment to think about how you typically respond to students from poverty who come to you with a challenging personal matter, and answer the questions in figure 3.2.

      When a student confronts you with issues like these, does your reaction demonstrate to him or her that you understand what they’re dealing with? Or, do you focus only on their responsibilities to you and your class without any consideration of what his or her life is like outside of school? If you need help forming more empathic responses, consider starting with one of the following five empathy-response tools instead.

      1. “I am so sorry to hear that.” (Saying this with a sad face shows you care.)

      2. “This makes me sick.” (Be sad, upset, or very concerned for the student.)

      3. “We were worried about you.” (Say many others cared about the student; be worried.)

      4. “Are you OK?” (Physically check on a student’s safety and well-being.)

      5. “That’s awful. I don’t know if I could handle that as well as you are.” (This tells the student that the problem was a tough one and that you are showing empathy and admiration.)

Figure 3.2: Respond to student problems.

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      Judging a student’s situation gets in the way. Stop telling him or her how to fix it. That comes later, much later. Even if you’re in a lousy mood (it happens), you’re likely to find that saying one of these triggers your own empathy, so start there. Likewise, regularly engaging counselors by telling them about students who need extra support is also a tremendous way to help students feel cared about. Counselors can build stronger relationships and help students navigate life and the system. When your school adds just one counselor, it increases college attendance by 10 percent (Bouffard, 2014).

      This applies to less extreme situations as well. Remember the first of Stephen R. Covey’s (2013) seven habits: seek first to understand. Listen more, and talk less. The next time a student doesn’t complete an assignment, say, “I’m sorry it didn’t get done. Tell me what happened?” The next time a student is late for class, say, “Hey Eric, good to see you. Go ahead and join your teammates. They’ll get you caught up.” You can talk to him or her privately a bit later. When you do, and before anything else (like a reprimand for tardiness), check for safety. Ask the student, “Usually you’re good about being on time. What happened today? Are you OK?”

      Knowing this, would you change your approach to any of the questions in figure 3.2? If so, visit go.SolutionTree.com/instruction to access and print out a clean version of the figure. Keep refining your approach until you feel like you’ve got a toolbox of responses that show genuine empathy.

       Use Quick-Connect Tools

      On day one, students want to know who you are you and whether you care for and respect them, so don’t wait until you have friction in your classroom to begin showing empathy. As I detailed in chapter 1 (page 9), using student names is a great start to building the class. Many teachers fall short at this. Use the following quick, easy tools to fast-track your relationships with students in your classroom. These are as simple as 1–2–3.

      • One and Done: In the first thirty days of school, do one favor, make one connection, or show empathy that is so powerful that an individual or whole class remembers it. For example, a student shares a hobby he or she has with you. Let’s say it is video games. You go home and search the internet for the nearest gaming convention dates and discuss with them what you found. Use figure 3.3 (page 30) to track your progress.

• Two for Ten: Identify one to two students who most need a connection early on. For ten consecutive days, invest two minutes a day in connecting time to talk about anything. This could be right before class, during seatwork time, or when the student comes up to you for something else. This gives you the relational foundation for the whole semester or year. Use figure 3.4 to track your progress.

      • Three in Thirty: Ask just enough questions, through any conversation, to discover three things (other than a name) about every student you have in the first thirty days. For example, do you know who else is at home in the family? Do you know what interests the student has outside school? Do you know what the student wants to do when he or she gets older? Use figure 3.5 to track your progress.

Figure 3.3: One and Done tracking sheet.

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Figure 3.4: Two for Ten tracking sheet.

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Figure 3.5: Three in Thirty tracking sheet.

      Visit go.SolutionTree.com/instruction for a free reproducible version of this figure.

      Consider the three preceding strategies as a quick start. Additionally, use the following three