You're Funny. DB Gilles

do, or perhaps you want to do everything. I'll help you learn how to think like a professional comedy writer.

      First you'll have to decide what kind of comedy writer you are.

      a quick lesson

      There are three types of humor: verbal, visual, and physical.

      Most visual and physical humor fits into the following categories: An object or person can become funny by being in an unusual place, behaving in an unusual way, or being the wrong size (Ratatouille; Shallow Hal; The Three Stooges, Shrek; Me, Myself and Irene; Harvey).

      Verbal humor relies strictly on a person's wit (Bill Maher, Adam Carolla, Dennis Miller, and brilliantly written sitcoms like Seinfeld, Cheers, Arrested Development, The Office, Taxi, Frasier).

      Television shows like The Simpsons and Family Guy rely on all three.

      a quick exercise

      Make a list of your favorite sitcoms and film comedies, and define their humor.

      chapter 1

      Laughs, Giggles, Yucks, and Appreciative Nods

       A joke is a very serious thing.

      –Winston Churchill

      Before you can write funny stuff, you need to have an understanding of the variations of humor.

      To wit:

      It was one of the first comedy-writing classes I'd ever taught, but nobody was laughing.

      As I often do to make a point, I cracked a joke. Not a conventional joke that gets told over and over again as it's passed from one person to another, but something original. It was an off-the-cuff one-liner about a current political event.

      The problem was that not one of the 17 people in the class was laughing.

      There were none of the usual giggles, yucks, smirks, chuckles, or even half-smiles. Their faces stared back at me in silence. It was awkward. I couldn't tell if they weren't getting the joke because it was topical or if it just wasn't funny.

      One of the things I emphasize in my classes is the value of keeping current. I point out that smart, informed people tend to be funnier than those who aren't. Had they read a newspaper, gone online to catch some news, or watched The Daily Show the night before, they might have gotten my joke.

      On the other hand, I've also encountered plenty of extremely funny individuals – like my cousin Randy – who couldn't pass a current events test if their lives depended on it. But Randy's been cracking people up with his quick wit since middle school.

      I stared back at them, disappointed that my line had gone over their heads. I was sure what I'd said was funny and very worthy of a reaction. I've done this long enough to realize when something I say misses the mark.

      Then I saw one girl in the back of the classroom nodding her head, and I felt vindicated. I had reached her. She got the joke. Her face was expressionless. She wasn't even close to a smile. But she had given me the lowest form of approval on the food chain of funny for a clever remark: The Appreciative Nod.

      It's nowhere near as satisfying as having people laugh so hard that they start to cry or can barely catch their breath. But it's enough to give you your laugh fix for the moment.

      The Appreciative Nod is where it starts for those of us who like (or need) to make people laugh. Following close behind is The Approving Smile, which is actually better than an appreciative nod because there's great comfort in seeing someone smile. Go back to your childhood when Mom or Dad smiled at some cute, comical thing you did. You saw that smile of approbation and you felt all warm and fuzzy.

      Ask most women and they'll tell you that they prefer a guy who makes them laugh. 8 And most men will say they prefer a woman with a good sense of humor. If you're a man, ask the women you know how many great-looking, studly, or rich guys they dumped because they were boring, i.e., not especially funny.

      In a scientific study concentrating on finding out what people laugh at, using a 1,200-person focus group, Robert R. Provine, professor of psychology at the University of Maryland, came to several conclusions:

      

While both sexes laugh a lot, females laugh more.

      

In cross-gender conversations, females laughed 126% more than their male counterparts.

      

Women tend to do the most laughing, while males tend to do the most laugh-getting.

      

Across cultures, men seem to be the main instigators of humor, a tendency that begins in early childhood.

      

The laughter of the female is the critical index of the health of a relationship.

      What does this mean? In lay terms, a guy who can say funny things will do better with most women – provided, of course, that he doesn't meet a woman who requires a higher consciousness of humor. Being witty and strikingly original enters the picture now. Humorwise, it's what separates the men from the boys. Women with a good sense of humor expect smart, imaginative men.

      There's a famous story about the playwright Charles MacArthur and his wife, legendary actress Helen Hayes. On the night they met at a party, he gave her a handful of peanuts and said, “I wish they were emeralds.” Years later, after they'd been married for decades and he had enjoyed great success, he handed her a handful of emeralds and said, “I wish they were peanuts.”

      Romantic? Yes. Sentimental? Yes. Clever? Big yes. But if you're someone who appreciates humor, it's an incredibly witty way for a man to tell and show a woman he loves her.

      In the food chain of funny, getting beyond appreciative nods and approving smiles is the next challenge.

      Welcome to The Shake-Your-Head Giggle. This is when you say something off-the- wall, but not too crazy – just enough to get a positive reaction from your prudish sister or archconservative religious uncle. The Shake-Your-Head Giggle might also be followed by a comment such as, “You're terrible” or “I can't believe you said that.”

      Next is The Sustained Laugh. Not quite an enthusiastic outburst, but a genuine reaction from the heart usually accompanied with a big smile and the nodding (or shaking back and forth) of the head.

      Then comes the big one!

      The Killer Laugh. The one where people laugh uncontrollably to the point of tears and physical pain, i.e., laughing till it hurts. Whether you're a stand-up comic or Greg the wacky accountant in payroll, The Killer Laugh is what you live for.

      As I said earlier, everyone can't tell a joke. But it's fair to assume that even the dullest, most humorless people have tried to tell a joke and gotten a blank stare or an awkward “I don't get it.” If this happened every time they told a joke, those with self-awareness most likely concluded that joke-telling wasn't their forte. And unless they were masochists, they resolved never to do it again.

       You Learn Fast If You're Not Good at Telling Jokes

      And you learn equally fast if you're not good at writing funny lines, dialogue, and situations. Someone reading your lines either laughs or not.

      The toughest decision you have to make if you want to write comedy is if you have the comic chops to do it.

      Steve Allen, humorist and pioneer talk show host, was asked why he was able to say something instantly funny time and time again. His response was, “It might take the average