A Smart Girl's Guide: Manners (Revised). Nancy Holyoke

      Identify the people you’re introducing, and use the names they’ll use for

      each other.

      Ms. Evans, I’d like

      to introduce my cousin,

      Roy Rogers.

      Roy,

      Ms. Evans is

      my neighbor.

      An introduction is a good opportunity to

      let someone know that members of your

      family use different last names.

      Mom, Dad, I’d like to

      introduce my friend

      Sarah Vaughn.

      Sarah, this is my

      mother, Ms. Rogers,

      and my father,

      Mr. Hart.

      It’s also a good way to identify stepparents.

      Ms. Gilbert, I’d like to

      introduce my stepfather,

      Mr. Sullivan.

      Art, Ms. Gilbert

      is my English

      teacher.

      What if you forget someone’s name completely? All is not lost.

      Introduce the person you do know, and chances are, the other one

      will finish the job for you by saying her name herself.

      This is Lynn.

      Hi, Lynn,

      I’m Loretta.

      mr., ms., and more

      Pop quiz: Your friend’s mom is working away in the kitchen when you

      enter their house. You’re a girl with good manners, so the next thing

      you do is

      a. greet her.

      b. walk on by as if she were a floor lamp.

      Yes, friends, the answer is a.

      For reasons scientists have yet to discover, some kids think certain

      adults are invisible. Not so! Parents enjoy a friendly hello and a big

      smile as much as you do. So make it a point to greet the adults who

      cross your path. Use those tried-and-true words “please” and

      “thank you.” Ask these people a question or two about their day,

      and take a moment or two to answer the questions they ask you.

      You may be surprised how much you enjoy it.

      What do you use?

      These days, many kids address adults by their first names. That’s fine if

      the adult has invited you to do it. Until then, you should stick with Mr.,

      Ms., Mrs., or Miss, depending on what the person prefers.

      Mr. = a man

      Mrs. = a married woman

      Ms. = a woman, married or unmarried

      Mr. & Ms. = a couple with different last names

      Mr. & Mrs. or Mr. & Ms. = a couple with the same

      last name

      Miss = a girl or unmarried woman

      “Miss” isn’t used as much as it used to be. Many people feel it’s

      inappropriate to identify women by whether or not they’re married.

      In some parts of the country, particularly the South, many people

      use “sir” and “ma’am” to show respect.

      There are lots of special rules that apply to university professors,

      politicians, diplomats, royalty, religious leaders, and members of the

      military. So if you have some VIPs (very important people) in your

      future, talk to an adult about how to address them.

      conversation

      Break the ice

      You may be shy. You may have nothing to say. But if you stand silently

      beside another person, how is she to know you’re not just unfriendly?

      Ask some questions: “When did you move in?” “Who’s your teacher?”

      The more she talks, the more relaxed you’ll both feel.

      Take turns

      A conversation is like a tennis match. You say something. The other

      person takes your thought and bops back one of her own. That’s how

      it goes: back and forth, back and forth. If one or the other holds on

      to the ball and starts talking nonstop, the game’s over.

      Listen

      We all like a good listener because she makes us feel that our thoughts

      and feelings matter. If you want to become a better listener:

      • Encourage the other person to talk by asking questions.

      • Let her know you’ve heard what she’s said by commenting on it.

      • Don’t always switch the subject back to yourself.

      Don’t interrupt

      Wait till the other person stops talking before you start. If you want

      to drive somebody crazy, interrupting is a good way to do it.

      Zzz

      If someone’s boring you:

      do

      • Try to change the subject.

      • Make a nice excuse. (“I’d better go to class.” “I think I’ll get some juice.”

      “Guess I’d better leave now. See you soon!”) Then make your escape.

      don’t

      • Let your eyes wander around the room, looking for other people

      you’d rather be with.

      • Say, “Can we change the subject? This is boring.”

      • Walk off without saying anything.

      If you want to avoid boring other people:

      • Ask them questions.

      • Talk about something other than yourself.

      • Don’t talk all the time.

      • Don’t tell really long stories, give really long speeches, or describe

      every little detail of a dream, TV show, or movie.

      Quiz