A Smart Girl's Guide: Worry. Nancy Holyoke

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      W

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      ou

      u

      thi

      i

      ink

      W

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      What

      if . . . ?

      It’s for

      sure going to

      happen!

      I feel

      ashamed

      and sad.

      It’s

      hopeless.

      There’s

      nothing I

      can do.

      I give up.

      See how it works? Anxious thoughts make you feel scared, sad, and

      ashamed. The situation seems hopeless, so you don’t do anything to

      change it. That leaves you feeling worse, only now your worries may be

      even stronger because they’ve been running the show since you first

      thought “what if?” It’s a vicious cycle.

      How can this

      all play out?

      You may get crabby.

      It’s hopeless. You’ve spent a half hour

      on one stupid problem. What if you

      can’t get any of the others either?

      What if you flunk the class? If your

      stupid brother weren’t playing that

      noisy video game, you’d be able to

      think. You start yelling at him. Again.

      You may

      get needy.

      “Can you help me pick out

      my outfit? Do I look OK? Can

      you find my gloves for me? I can’t

      get this zipper. Can you do it?

      I can’t decide what to pick.

      Will you pick for me? I need—”

      “Sweetie,” says your dad, “you

      need to do a few more things

      by yourself.”

      You may

      feel sick.

      It’s the second week of school,

      and once again you can hardly

      get out of bed. Your head

      aches. You’re dizzy. You’re

      exhausted. Do you have a

      fever? No. But if you so much

      as think about leaving the

      house, you end up in the bath-

      room getting sick in the sink.

      You get trapped

      by your fears.

      “My sister’s taking me horseback

      riding,” says Maggie. “Want to

      come?” Horseback riding! That

      would be so much fun! But what

      if you’re no good at it? What if

      you fall off? What if you get hurt?

      “Sorry,” you say, “I have to study.”

      You can’t stop

      criticizing yourself.

      “Great job,” says your teacher.

      “You played that beautifully.” Was

      she even listening? What about

      the wrong note you played in the

      fifth bar? The performance is this

      weekend, and you’re going to stink.

      You can’t have fun.

      “That was the best movie ever,” says LaToria as

      you leave the theater. Was it? You wouldn’t know.

      You spent the entire show wondering why Simon

      hasn’t answered your text. Did you say something

      stupid? What if he’s sharing it?

      You can’t stop worrying.

      You’re going on vacation. Yay! Only . . . did Dad put your bag in the car?

      Did Mom lock the door? What will the hotel be like? What will you eat?

      What if you get lost? What if the cat— “What if you stopped asking

      questions for once?” says your brother.

      In other words . . .

      When worry has its way, life becomes complicated, exhausting,

      and unhappy.

      So, do girls sit back and say, “Whoa. Something has to change here.

      Worry is taking over my life”?

      Some do, but some don’t. That’s because worry is sneaky. Worry is tricky.

      Worry stirs up all these difficult feelings and then ducks the blame.

      The truth is, it can be hard to recognize that it’s worry, and not some-

      thing else, that’s the real problem. For some girls, feeling angry, queasy,

      and stressed out may start to feel natural. They start to believe this is

      just who they are. They think, Maybe this is just how life feels. Maybe

      this is just what life’s all about.

      It’s not what life’s all about. It’s what worry is all about.

who’s in charge?

      Worry leads to more worry. It’s

      a bit like one of those old sci-fi

      movies, where a blob from outer

      space wanders around gobbling

      up towns, getting bigger and big-

      ger as it goes. Feeding the blob

      just makes a bigger blob. It’s not

      a good option. The only good

      option is to stop it.

      And if you’re in the grip of worries,

      that’s what you need to do, too.

      It may look impossible. It may

      feel impossible. But it’s not.

      Make