The Full Ridiculous. Mark Lamprell

of Middle Eastern appearance absconded with just over a thousand dollars cash and seven laptops, and discovered that he wanted to become a police officer.

      Lance signed up, filled with hope and ambition. Finally on the right path, he secretly dreamed that he would be promoted to commissioner in record time. But today, on the wrong side of forty, Lance remains a constable for reasons that elude him. He is a disappointed man who consoles himself with the small compensations that being a member of the police force afford him.

      Mrs Pessites never fails to compensate Constable Johnstone with a twenty-five per cent discount on any of his purchases from All Gifts Great and Small. When wrapping his selected gift she often slips in another gift of greater value than the one he has purchased. Today, for example, an eighteen-dollar (marked down from $24.99) pewter mug purchased for his great-nephew’s christening has been supplemented with a sterling silver baby rattle normally retailing for $49.99 but included gratis. He knows it’s Mrs Pessites’ way of thanking him for his service to the public and he is graciously accepting her wrapped-and-ribboned offering when George Pessites walks through the door.