Kama. Terese Brasen

do that here in the Norse world. They made nothing out of stone, just stole from others, the way he had stolen her.

      “Why are you here?” she asked. He was staring at her, the way he had the first time in the chapel when he touched her scarf and pushed it back so it fell to her shoulders. She had allowed her head to be uncovered in god’s house. She hadn’t cared. There was only his glance.

      In his eyes, she was a shiny object that someone could love—so unlike the girl who had been pushed about like a dog. When he stared at her, her soul became colors, as though her body were its own chapel.

      She hated him. He had animal smells.

      His vest was tight over his chest. His body had widened since they had come to Kiev. His face no longer had a boyish quality. His beard showed traces of gray. But he seemed to stand taller. He had mixed it all together—his princely power and his knowledge of the world. He was a true ruler now, not just a spoiled prince.

      “Don’t,” she said. She looked down at the woolen threads and at her wrist. She felt the weight of being unwanted. He had taken away her aloneness and when he gave it back, it was worse than never having been cared for. He had pulled her into the light, then shoved her down into a dark hole.

      “Why not?” he asked.

      “On the table,” she said. “Leave the turmeric there.”

      “I miss you,” he said. Katerine wondered what that meant. She had never really missed anyone. Perhaps her mother. If she saw her again, she might allow herself to miss others. Perhaps she missed places, not people. But wanting to be somewhere couldn’t be the same as longing for a person. Whatever the sentiment was, she couldn’t believe he was feeling it. He was playing a game. He wanted to trick and snare her again the way he had done the first time.

      She remembered their adventures in Constantinople. They had been in the market on a bench. They had a plate of purple jellied candies and were gobbling them up. Skirts brushed against them. Sounds jumped beside them but none of it mattered. They were inside a magic circle. He took her to a room. The streets were narrow and curved and reminded her of home. The room was a storage space. He closed the shutters and everything became dark, even though it was still afternoon. She allowed his hands to unwrap her. Her skin glowed. It was so unlike a man taking her for his own pleasure.

      Now Sigtrygg walked over to the loom. Katerine stared down at the threads. She could feel his shadow cross her. He sat on the bench beside her. She was forced to shove over. He touched her chin, lifted it up and turned her face toward him. Then he kissed her again for the first time in a long, long time. He held her, one arm on her back, the other behind her head. His tongue reached into her mouth. She felt that she should struggle out of his hold. But she didn’t. Perhaps it wasn’t necessary to fight. Perhaps her anger was born of misunderstanding. She was wearing a night shift covered with a shawl. She had meant to dress. But she was alone and lost in the making of cloth. Time had flown. He let go of her. He stood. He bent over her and lifted her like she was a child. He carried her from the bench to the bedchamber. He removed her shawl and pulled off her dress. She lay naked on the mattress and stared out over the townhouse. Thin eerie clouds rose like ghosts from the cook-pot. The air breathing in through the shutters was cold and quiet. He unlaced his boots. His tunic fell to the floor. His mouth was warm on her neck and breasts. His hands moved over her as though she were perfect, and he was assuring himself she were real. She had forgotten that she was beautiful.

      His smells were a calming balm that pervaded the bedchamber. She liked being under him. He was a protective blanket. She lifted herself slightly, and then took him skillfully inside her, as she had done so many times before. Sweat dripped from his forehead. His skin was warm and wet. What could be better than this love? Katerine could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. She could hear the tiny fluttering heart of the holy dove. She knew it had wrapped its wings about them. God had answered her prayers. “Dear god, bring my husband back to me. Let him love me again.” God had heard her desperate call.

      They loved again and again. They were one again. Like Adam and Eve in the garden. Two imperfect beings united.

      When darkness came, she took a torch and touched it to the fire pit. The flame ignited as she placed it back in its holder on the wall. An undershift hung on a hook. She extended her arm, took the dress and slid it over her head. She lifted her hair with both hands and drew it out so it fell down her back. She moved closer to the fire, stirred the stew in the iron pot. Cinnamon and nutmeg scents rose from the mixture. She was humming. She reached for two bowls.

      “I should go now,” he said. Shadows played on his face.

      “Go?” she asked. ‘Why?”

      “Kama shouldn’t see us like this,” he said.

      “We’re together. Kama will be glad.”

      “Do you have some water?” he said, standing. His still swollen penis hung unashamed. She ladled water into a mug and passed it to him. He gulped it down. He pushed his hair from his face.

      “We’ve been through this too many times,” he said.

      She sensed his annoyance.

      “You’ve changed,” she said. “That’s what I thought.” Her words had an edge. She was starting to scream. It was so easy to yell at him. She was glowing kindling. When he kicked the embers, sparks flew.

      “Nothing has changed,” he said.

      He picked up his tunic and slid it on followed by his pants. “I can’t change anything,” he said. He was sitting on the side of the bed now. He stepped into one boot, then the other and began lacing them.

      She closed her eyes. Her soul was falling. This time it would be forever. She would never hope again. He had tricked her one more time. He was the serpent in the garden. Lead us not into temptation. Because of him she was damned. What could she do? She couldn’t let him go. She noticed how cold the floor was. She didn’t decide to run. Her body began moving on its own accord. It hurled itself towards him. Her hands grabbed his shoulders. She was crying, “No. No. No. You cannot leave me again.”

      He peeled away her grasping fingers. He pushed. She fell over sideways onto the mattress. She lay sobbing beside him. The blanket muffled her protests.

      She was suddenly very tired. Something heavy possessed her. Perhaps she was just weary of her own hysterics. She stopped. She felt an unusual calm. It was like water poured on fire. She sat up. She turned and sat close beside him. She heard the stew bubble. The bed creaked as he adjusted his weight. Wood shifted in the fire pit. She wouldn’t scream at him. It never worked. The more words she threw at him, the faster he fled. When she yelled and cried, he couldn’t hear her. She needed a new way.

      “She’s wild, you know,” Katerine said. He had probably come to see Kama. That was all. She had simply been a convenient distraction, since Kama wasn’t home. And soon Kama would be gone and there would be no reason to visit Katerine. No. She wouldn’t scream this time. Instead she would intervene in the decisions made against her. She would make Sigtrygg see that Kama wasn’t fit to be queen. Kama was a disappointment. Astrid would reject her.

      “How wild?” Sigtrygg asked, turning towards her.

      “Very,” Katerine said. She leaned against his arm. “Whatever she pleases she does.”

      “What do you mean?” he said. He didn’t push her away. She had his attention. Finally he was listening to her.

      “A big mistake,” she said. “That’s what you made leaving us here in Kiev. Why didn’t you think about that? A regular tribe’s girl. That’s what she’s become.” She leaned closer and continued. She talked about Inga and how Kama was gone all day—who knows where—and then about how she was dressing, walking around in her night shift. Kama wasn’t a princess. She had become just an ordinary girl. Think of how disappointed Astrid would be.

      2

      Far from the city gates, Kama sat guard outside a tent.

      The forest was quiet.