The Beautiful Disappointment. Colin McCartney

to myself what Mother Teresa once said, "God! You’d have a lot more friends if you treated the few you have a little better." I was convinced that this would be the last straw, that Colin would never come back to ministry, and that he probably would end up being a bitter and disillusioned Christian. Just the opposite happened.

      In this book, you will see how, in the midst of these circumstances, God did wonderful things for Colin and for his family. This book is the story of how, in enduring pain and facing death, Colin was able to reevaluate his priorities and come to an incredible awareness of the abiding presence of Christ. This is the story of how he learned through the circumstances of tragedy to slow down, reflect on life, pay renewed attention to his family and to reorder his values.

      UrbanPromise is a fantastic ministry. The good news of this book is that this ministry is going to be stronger and more effective than ever before because of what God has brought out of the tragedies described in the pages that follow.

      This is an inspiring book, but it is also a teaching book. It teaches us to be aware that on the other side of darkness there is God and on the other side of the silence of God there is a soft, still voice that gives assurance, not in words, but in the feeling that God is always there for us and that we must learn to trust Him in the midst of everything that goes on in our lives.

      —Tony Campolo, PhD

      Eastern University

      ~ ~ ~

      “To the hustlas, killers, murderers, drug dealers even the strippers. Jesus walks with them. To the victims of welfare for we living in hell here hell yeah. Jesus walks with them.”

      – Kanye West, “Jesus Walks,”

      from the album The College Dropout,

      Roc-a-Fella Records (USA), 2004

      1. Murder In The City

      Tragedies are like earthquakes, unexpectedly striking with devastating consequences, overwhelming everything in their path. Though earthquakes are painful and destructive, there is one positive thing that can come out of the rubble—the opportunity to build anew from the ground up. Looking back over my life, there were many tremors, leaving cracks in my inner world that were unseen by others and ignored by me. On March 4, 2004, those cracks were torn open.

      From that point on, things began to come crashing down around me. My busy, active and out-of-control life had to be shaken up before it could be rebuilt from the inner foundation of my soul. Before transformation can begin, destruction must occur. In my case, things started to fall apart on a cool March afternoon. Up to that point in my life, everything was going well—no problems, all sunshine and no clouds. However, within seconds, my world was turned into a tempest of tears, fear and confusion.

      A call came from Nicola Lunn, my children’s supervisor, who worked in an increasingly troubled urban community known as Scarborough in the city of Toronto. When I answered the phone and heard the intense tone of her voice, the crying and shortness of breath, I knew something bad had happened—but I had no idea how horrific. This was not a typical phone call from a staff person telling me that our passenger van was acting up or that their community petty cash fund had run out of money once again. This was much more serious. The voice was choppy, broken, sounding out of breath.

      “I was just told that Patrick has been shot!”

      I felt the blood drain from my face into my feet while my body went cold. The words echoed in my head. My legs were gone. Somehow, I asked Nicola to repeat what she just said. “I was told that Patrick was shot, and I am with his family on the way to the city morgue to identify the body.” I took a deep breath, then told her to hang in there and call me as soon as she knew for sure that he was dead. As soon as I got off the phone, I made plans to go straight to Patrick’s neighbourhood. I needed to be there, on the streets, with our folks. While I was getting ready to go, thousands of questions filled my mind. Instantly, I went into denial, thinking that this was one bad dream. A nightmare that would go away once I woke up. But soon common sense took over. How could this be? How could such a great guy like “Blue Boy” be shot? He was the last person on earth that I thought would get killed by a gang. He wasn’t the type of person who had anything to do with them.

      Patrick’s only connection to the gang lifestyle was that he lived in a neighbourhood that had a reputation for gang activity.

      Patrick’s community is full of wonderful, caring and loving people but there are a few involved in criminal behaviour. This is the sad fact of life in “at-risk” neighbourhoods. Innocent people are more susceptible to getting hurt by the repercussions from the illegal activity that takes place within the community. Now it seemed that Patrick might be one of the innocent victims.

      I am the executive director of UrbanPromise Toronto,¹ an inner-city ministry that serves children, youth and their mothers in “high-risk” communities in our city. As an urban worker, I understand the complicated pressures many inner-city dwellers face on a day-to-day basis. Most of the people I know living in the city are outstanding citizens. Yet crime, violence and drug abuse has a grasp on these urban neighbourhoods, deeply impacting the wonderful people who live there. The tragic irony is that most crime that takes place in these communities comes from people who enter the neighbourhood from outside. Criminal activity, such as drug dealing, persists in many inner-city communities simply because richer folk feed into the drug industry as they drive in from the outer suburbs to the ’hood to buy drugs. This outside influence and demand keeps the drug trade profitable. The insatiable desire to seek a high through drug use creates employment opportunities specifically appealing to young men who have few financial alternatives or options to make money in socially acceptable ways. If the demand were to dry up, so would the drug dealing. Unfortunately, the demand will always be present.

      This feeds the temptation for desperate young men to deal drugs and join gangs for control of the drug trade. When this happens, violence occurs and often innocent people are caught in the middle.

      When you work the streets, you come to understand that the local dealer is really a little pawn with a short lifespan. The real criminals in all of this mess are the buyers, who keep the supply and demand flowing so there is a market, and the kingpin, who provides the drugs to be sold. This supplier is the one who goes unscathed and makes the money while the foot soldiers on the streets, who do his dealings, end up in jail or in the grave. The buyers and the supplier, the two key criminal elements who keep the drug industry going strong, often do not live in the actual community that is affected by their illicit dealings.

      A number of young men living in low-income neighbourhoods feel they have little hope for the future and fall prey to the “easy life” of drug dealing. They are the perfect suckers, primed by our society of rejection to be easy targets for drug suppliers. These young people are used by the supplier to make money for him by becoming his resident drug dispensers on the streets. They are bigger victims than the buyers who are addicted to what they sell. The end result of all of this is that many innocent people who reside in these communities are forced to struggle with stereotypical negative media coverage that harms their reputations and, in far too many cases, results in death.

      It is a sad fact that many of the youth with whom we work with are easily drawn into the gang lifestyle. In many poorer communities, the thug life can be very appealing. To many of our desperate young people, it seems to be the only option they have. I remember reading an interview with the famous “gangsta rapper” 50 Cent, whose real name is Curtis Jackson. He is famous for his gritty raps about money, sex and violence. On his web site, you can see pictures of him with photographs of various types of guns. He even starred in a Hollywood movie based loosely on his life. The title of the movie aptly describes the mantra of many urban gangstas: Get Rich or Die Tryin’. The problem is that no one seems to notice that most die trying.

      50 Cent knows what he is rapping about, as he once was a drug dealer himself. The various bullet hole scars left on his body tell a tale of gang life. He has become a role model for many low-income youth as a man who has “kept it real” with his true street credentials. In this interview, 50 Cent explains why urban