Letters to the Dead: Things I Wish I'd Said. Ann Palmer

suggestion of others that knew about this whole scenario that because of your ego and the fact that I had walked out that night, could it be possible that you had anything to do with her disappearance. That I will never know. Chances are that you did not; still it is an unanswered question in the minds of those who knew.

      For the next few days, maybe weeks, you will be eulogized again and again. Thousands, millions will grieve for you. Every radio station will play all your old records. They always take advantage of these times of morning to commercialize.

      With rumors of family squabbling over your estate for the past few months, it seemed clear that no matter what family members hope your last days on earth were good. Barbara certainly stood by you through these years, looking smashing and ageless. I hope you were very happy with her.

      It would have been nice for our limited association to be of a more positive nature but at least it makes for an interesting story, don’t you think? It is always interesting to see the inner circles and personal life of one as famous as you – to see that you too had “feet of clay” no different from the rest of us no matter how insignificant one may feel his or her life may be.

      The day of your funeral so many famous people turned out to pay their tributes to you. Flown to the desert in a private plane your body was “laid to rest” there. They mentioned Jilly was buried in the same cemetery, perhaps Ruby, too. Tell Ruby “hello” for me and give him a hug. Soon or later, we’ll all get “there.” At this mature age –seems as though so many are THERE and not HERE! “How time flies!” Most of the “Rat Pack” must be with you now celebrating your arrival! Party time! Each Christmas season there are advertisements for the Christmas songs of the Rat Pack – and I recall how strange it seems today that I did have that date with you, Dean Martin and had dinner and drinks with Peter Lawford, his wife and my date. reported to the press, you were pretty sick. I have no reason to hold ill will toward you. I

      You made your mark on history in your career of 50 or more years - from teen idol to “Picasso of Popular Music” to “Chairman of the Board” and the “Grand Old Man of Music that touched the hearts of all.” You were a King in every way and you DID IT YOUR WAY! No matter how grand your accomplishments as a singer, actor, producer, popularity with the world, the only Frank Sinatra I ever wanted to know was the real person inside, your innermost thoughts, fears, your loves – that was my reason for being with you. I don’t know why you wanted to be with me – did I remind you of Grace Kelly? I just know that it wasn’t a momentary decision to ask me to go with you to Danny’s party or to your home because you had starred at me for months before with a longing stare that I will never know your real reason for inviting me into your life. For a little girl in Texas when both you and Dean Martin were already famous stars to grow up and date you both seems like a very far fetched idea, but it did happen and now I cherish those memories.

      POSTSCRIPT: Years later, upon returning to Palm Springs as an ordained minister, I did many weddings in and around the Palm Springs area. One special wedding was for Frank Sinatra fans. The couple wanted everything in Sinatra taste. The bride said that your favorite color was orange, so we did orange flowers and decorations. Not only did I officiate their wedding, I did all the planning. We kept the cake, flowers, everything that we could create similar to the Sinatra image. They decided to have their wedding at the bar at Ingleside Inn on New Year’s Eve. I didn’t think they would allow it but they did. It was held under the Frank Sinatra photograph at the piano bar. A Frank Sinatra impersonator provided the music and the whole New Years evening was a huge success and memorable event. I spent days collecting titles of your songs, which I used in the vows: “Maybe This Time” “Love Walked In” and you found “Love and Marriage” is when “The Look of Love” was in your eyes. “More Than You Know” this IS a sacred commitment between the two of you. Maybe you think “You’re taking a Chance On Love” but “That’s Life.” “This is All I Ask” is “To Love and Be Loved.” “There Are Such Things” “Just In Time” “If” you use your “Imagination” always finding things to share and tell each other “It’s Always You” and “I Love You”. “Fairy Tales” begin with “Once Upon a Time” and I’ll bet you both thought “For Once in My Lifetime” it is “From Here to Eternity” and you’re both filled with “High Hopes.” “How Little We Know” of the real depth of the love between two people.

       FRANK SINATRA’S WIVES:

      Barbara Marx – (May 1976 – May 14^th, 1998 (his death)

      Mia Farrow – (19 July 1966 - 1968) (divorced)

      Ava Gardner – (7 November 1951 - 5 July 1957) (divorced)

      Nancy Barbato (4 February 1939 - 1951) (divorced) 3 children Nancy (b. 1940), Frank (b.1944), Christina (b.1948)

      Hungarian-born actress Eva Bartok claimed that her daughter, Deana, born in 1957 and fathered by Sinatra during a brief affair after his Ava Gardner breakup. Hr never acknowledged paternity.

       GENERAL INFORMATION:

      Sinatra grew up poor in Hoboken, New Jersey. It gave him the determination to succeed. He was a saloon singer, then a band singer, first with Harry James, then Tommy Dorsey. In the early 1940s as a kid, I remember the bobbysoxer frenzy in the newsreels at the movies and radio. They swooned over him and all the silly stuff that continues with musicians today. After his years of performing as a singer, he had a natural ability for acting with no formal training. His singing career was almost ended in 1952 after a vocal cord hemorrhage. Fortune smiled on him with the role of Maggio in From Here to Eternity in 1953 that won him an Oscar. He also won a special Academy Award for the 1945’s The House I Live In, in 1971 the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award - Bob Hope, who hosted the Oscars that year, remarked, “It’s interesting how Sinatra announced his retirement, and they gave him a humanitarian award.” He was honored with a Lifetime Achievement award, named Humanitarian of the Year in 1983 by the Variety Clubs of America, an Academy Awards for his many contributions to charity over the years. He hosted or co-hosted the Academy Awards in 1963, 1969, 1975, and 1985. He was named Entertainer of the Century in 2000 and inducted into the Big Band and Jazz Hall of Fame in 1980. I assume the “Rat Pack” was more or less an accidentally formed group of entertainers that all performed in Las Vegas consisting of Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., Peter Lawford and Joey Bishop, plus Shirley MacLaine and probably a few others. Sinatra was referred to as “Chairman of the Board.”

      The epitaph on Sinatra’s headstone reads “The best is yet to come.” At his funeral, friends and family members placed items in his coffin that include ten dimes, several Tootsie Roll candies, a pack of Black Jack chewing gum, a roll of wild cherry Life Savers candy, a ring engraved with the word “Dream”, a mini bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey, a pack of Camel cigarettes, and a Zippo cigarette lighter. A provision in Sinatra’s will stated that if anyone contests it, they are automatically disinherited.

      

       PERSONAL QUOTES:

      “I’m trying to figure out, Chairman of what Board? People come up to me and seriously say ‘Well, what are you Chairman of?’ And I can’t answer them.” “I’m for anything that gets you through the night, be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels.” “A friend is never an imposition.” His last words: “I’m losing it”. After Dean Martin quit The Together Again Tour “You can’t put a gun to his head. He just didn’t want to do it.” “Nothing anybody’s said or written about me ever bothers me, except when it does.” “I’m next. I ain’t scared, either. Everybody I ever knew is already over there.” (After the deaths of Sammy Davis Jr., Ava Gardner, Jilly Rizzo, and Dean Martin.) On Elvis Presley’s early years: “His kind of music is deplorable, a rancid smelling aphrodisiac...It fosters almost totally negative and destructive reactions in young people.” Then on Elvis Presley’s death in 1977 “There have been many accolades uttered about his talent and performances through the years all of which I agree to whole-heartedly, I shall miss him dearly as a friend.” On Ava Gardner “I love her, and God damn me for it.”