3 books to know Horatian Satire. Anthony Trollope

distinctions among things.

      "You tiresome man!" cried Indolentio's wife,

      "You've grown indifferent to all in life."

      "Indifferent?" he drawled with a slow smile;

      "I would be, dear, but it is not worth while."

      Apuleius M. Gokul

      INDIGESTION, n. A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the western wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: "Plenty well, no pray; big bellyache, heap God."

      INDISCRETION, n. The guilt of woman.

      INEXPEDIENT, adj. Not calculated to advance one's interests.

      INFANCY, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies about us." The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.

      INFERIAE, n. [Latin] Among the Greeks and Romans, sacrifices for propitiation of the Dii Manes, or souls of the dead heroes; for the pious ancients could not invent enough gods to satisfy their spiritual needs, and had to have a number of makeshift deities, or, as a sailor might say, jury-gods, which they made out of the most unpromising materials. It was while sacrificing a bullock to the spirit of Agamemnon that Laiaides, a priest of Aulis, was favored with an audience of that illustrious warrior's shade, who prophetically recounted to him the birth of Christ and the triumph of Christianity, giving him also a rapid but tolerably complete review of events down to the reign of Saint Louis. The narrative ended abruptly at that point, owing to the inconsiderate crowing of a cock, which compelled the ghosted King of Men to scamper back to Hades. There is a fine mediaeval flavor to this story, and as it has not been traced back further than Pere Brateille, a pious but obscure writer at the court of Saint Louis, we shall probably not err on the side of presumption in considering it apocryphal, though Monsignor Capel's judgment of the matter might be different; and to that I bow—wow.

      INFIDEL, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does. (See GIAOUR.) A kind of scoundrel imperfectly reverent of, and niggardly contributory to, divines, ecclesiastics, popes, parsons, canons, monks, mollahs, voodoos, presbyters, hierophants, prelates, obeah-men, abbes, nuns, missionaries, exhorters, deacons, friars, hadjis, high-priests, muezzins, brahmins, medicine-men, confessors, eminences, elders, primates, prebendaries, pilgrims, prophets, imaums, beneficiaries, clerks, vicars-choral, archbishops, bishops, abbots, priors, preachers, padres, abbotesses, caloyers, palmers, curates, patriarchs, bonezs, santons, beadsmen, canonesses, residentiaries, diocesans, deans, subdeans, rural deans, abdals, charm-sellers, archdeacons, hierarchs, class-leaders, incumbents, capitulars, sheiks, talapoins, postulants, scribes, gooroos, precentors, beadles, fakeers, sextons, reverences, revivalists, cenobites, perpetual curates, chaplains, mudjoes, readers, novices, vicars, pastors, rabbis, ulemas, lamas, sacristans, vergers, dervises, lectors, church wardens, cardinals, prioresses, suffragans, acolytes, rectors, cures, sophis, mutifs and pumpums.

      INFLUENCE, n. In politics, a visionary quo given in exchange for a substantial quid.

      INFRALAPSARIAN, n. One who ventures to believe that Adam need not have sinned unless he had a mind to—in opposition to the Supralapsarians, who hold that that luckless person's fall was decreed from the beginning. Infralapsarians are sometimes called Sublapsarians without material effect upon the importance and lucidity of their views about Adam.

      Two theologues once, as they wended their way

      To chapel, engaged in colloquial fray—

      An earnest logomachy, bitter as gall,

      Concerning poor Adam and what made him fall.

      "'Twas Predestination," cried one—"for the Lord

      Decreed he should fall of his own accord."

      "Not so—'twas Free will," the other maintained,

      "Which led him to choose what the Lord had ordained."

      So fierce and so fiery grew the debate

      That nothing but bloodshed their dudgeon could sate;

      So off flew their cassocks and caps to the ground

      And, moved by the spirit, their hands went round.

      Ere either had proved his theology right

      By winning, or even beginning, the fight,

      A gray old professor of Latin came by,

      A staff in his hand and a scowl in his eye,

      And learning the cause of their quarrel (for still

      As they clumsily sparred they disputed with skill

      Of foreordinational freedom of will)

      Cried: "Sirrahs! this reasonless warfare compose:

      Atwixt ye's no difference worthy of blows.

      The sects ye belong to—I'm ready to swear

      Ye wrongly interpret the names that they bear.

      You—Infralapsarian son of a clown!—

      Should only contend that Adam slipped down;

      While you—you Supralapsarian pup!—

      Should nothing aver but that Adam slipped up.

      It's all the same whether up or down

      You slip on a peel of banana brown.

      Even Adam analyzed not his blunder,

      But thought he had slipped on a peal of thunder!

      G.J.

      INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.

      "All men are ingrates," sneered the cynic. "Nay,"

      The good philanthropist replied;

      "I did great service to a man one day

      Who never since has cursed me to repay,

      Nor vilified."

      "Ho!" cried the cynic, "lead me to him straight—

      With veneration I am overcome,

      And fain would have his blessing." "Sad your fate—

      He cannot bless you, for I grieve to state

      This man is dumb."

      Ariel Selp

      INJURY, n. An offense next in degree of enormity to a slight.

      INJUSTICE, n. A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.

      INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime. The properties of ink are peculiar and contradictory: it may be used to make reputations and unmake them; to blacken them and to make them white; but it is most generally and acceptably employed as a mortar to bind together the stones of an edifice of fame, and as a whitewash to conceal afterward the rascal quality of the material. There are men called journalists who have established ink baths which some persons pay money to get into, others to get out of. Not infrequently it occurs that a person who has paid to get in pays twice as much to get out.

      INNATE, adj. Natural, inherent—as innate ideas, that is to say, ideas that we are born with, having had them previously imparted to us. The doctrine of innate ideas is one of the most admirable faiths of philosophy, being itself an innate idea and therefore inaccessible to disproof, though Locke foolishly supposed himself to have given it "a black eye." Among innate ideas may be mentioned the belief in one's ability to conduct a newspaper, in the greatness of one's country, in the superiority of one's civilization, in the importance of one's personal affairs and in the interesting nature of one's