THE COMPLETE NOVELS OF MARK TWAIN - 12 Books in One Edition. Марк Твен

day, and were talking it over when the Colonel came in. The Colonel wanted to know all about it, and Hicks told him. And then Hicks went on, with a serious air,

      “Colonel, if you register a letter, it means that it is of value, doesn’t it? And if you pay fifteen cents for registering it, the government will have to take extra care of it and even pay you back its full value if it is lost. Isn’t that so?”

      “Yes. I suppose it’s so.”.

      “Well Senator Balloon put fifteen cents worth of stamps on each of those seven huge boxes of old clothes, and shipped that ton of secondhand rubbish, old boots and pantaloons and what not through the mails as registered matter! It was an ingenious thing and it had a genuine touch of humor about it, too. I think there is more real talent among our public men of to-day than there was among those of old times — a far more fertile fancy, a much happier ingenuity. Now, Colonel, can you picture Jefferson, or Washington or John Adams franking their wardrobes through the mails and adding the facetious idea of making the government responsible for the cargo for the sum of one dollar and five cents? Statesmen were dull creatures in those days. I have a much greater admiration for Senator Balloon.”

      “Yes, Balloon is a man of parts, there is no denying it”

      “I think so. He is spoken of for the post of Minister to China, or Austria, and I hope will be appointed. What we want abroad is good examples of the national character.

      “John Jay and Benjamin Franklin were well enough in their day, but the nation has made progress since then. Balloon is a man we know and can depend on to be true to himself.”

      “Yes, and Balloon has had a good deal of public experience. He is an old friend of mine. He was governor of one of the territories a while, and was very satisfactory.”

      “Indeed he was. He was ex-officio Indian agent, too. Many a man would have taken the Indian appropriation and devoted the money to feeding and clothing the helpless savages, whose land had been taken from them by the white man in the interests of civilization; but Balloon knew their needs better. He built a government sawmill on the reservation with the money, and the lumber sold for enormous prices — a relative of his did all the work free of charge — that is to say he charged nothing more than the lumber would bring.” “But the poor Injuns — not that I care much for Injuns — what did he do for them?”

      “Gave them the outside slabs to fence in the reservation with. Governor Balloon was nothing less than a father to the poor Indians. But Balloon is not alone, we have many truly noble statesmen in our country’s service like Balloon. The Senate is full of them. Don’t you think so Colonel?”

      “Well, I dunno. I honor my country’s public servants as much as any one can. I meet them, Sir, every day, and the more I see of them the more I esteem them and the more grateful I am that our institutions give us the opportunity of securing their services. Few lands are so blest.”

      “That is true, Colonel. To be sure you can buy now and then a Senator or a Representative but they do not know it is wrong, and so they are not ashamed of it. They are gentle, and confiding and childlike, and in my opinion these are qualities that ennoble them far more than any amount of sinful sagacity could. I quite agree with you, Col. Sellers.”

      “Well” — hesitated the Colonel — ”I am afraid some of them do buy their seats — yes, I am afraid they do — but as Senator Dilworthy himself said to me, it is sinful, — it is very wrong — it is shameful; Heaven protect me from such a charge. That is what Dilworthy said. And yet when you come to look at it you cannot deny that we would have to go without the services of some of our ablest men, sir, if the country were opposed to — to — bribery. It is a harsh term. I do not like to use it.”

      The Colonel interrupted himself at this point to meet an engagement with the Austrian minister, and took his leave with his usual courtly bow.

      CHAPTER XXXVI.

       Table of Contents

      In due time Laura alighted at the book store, and began to look at the titles of the handsome array of books on the counter. A dapper clerk of perhaps nineteen or twenty years, with hair accurately parted and surprisingly slick, came bustling up and leaned over with a pretty smile and an affable —

      “Can I — was there any particular book you wished to see?”

      “Have you Taine’s England?”

      “Beg pardon?”

      “Taine’s Notes on England.”

      The young gentleman scratched the side of his nose with a cedar pencil which he took down from its bracket on the side of his head, and reflected a moment:

      “Ah — I see,” [with a bright smile] — ”Train, you mean — not Taine. George Francis Train. No, ma’m we — ”

      “I mean Taine — if I may take the liberty.”

      The clerk reflected again — then:

      “Taine … . Taine … . Is it hymns?”

      “No, it isn’t hymns. It is a volume that is making a deal of talk just now, and is very widely known — except among parties who sell it.”

      The clerk glanced at her face to see if a sarcasm might not lurk somewhere in that obscure speech, but the gentle simplicity of the beautiful eyes that met his, banished that suspicion. He went away and conferred with the proprietor. Both appeared to be nonplussed. They thought and talked, and talked and thought by turns. Then both came forward and the proprietor said:

      “Is it an American book, ma’m?”

      “No, it is an American reprint of an English translation.”

      “Oh! Yes — yes — I remember, now. We are expecting it every day. It isn’t out yet.”

      “I think you must be mistaken, because you advertised it a week ago.”

      “Why no — can that be so?”

      “Yes, I am sure of it. And besides, here is the book itself, on the counter.”

      She bought it and the proprietor retired from the field. Then she asked the clerk for the Autocrat of the Breakfast Table — and was pained to see the admiration her beauty had inspired in him fade out of his face. He said with cold dignity, that cook books were somewhat out of their line, but he would order it if she desired it. She said, no, never mind. Then she fell to conning the titles again, finding a delight in the inspection of the Hawthornes, the Longfellows, the Tennysons, and other favorites of her idle hours. Meantime the clerk’s eyes were busy, and no doubt his admiration was returning again — or may be he was only gauging her probable literary tastes by some sagacious system of admeasurement only known to his guild. Now he began to “assist” her in making a selection; but his efforts met with no success — indeed they only annoyed her and unpleasantly interrupted her meditations. Presently, while she was holding a copy of “Venetian Life” in her hand and running over a familiar passage here and there, the clerk said, briskly, snatching up a paper-covered volume and striking the counter a smart blow with it to dislodge the dust:

      “Now here is a work that we’ve sold a lot of. Everybody that’s read it likes it” — and he intruded it under her nose; “it’s a book that I can recommend — ’The Pirate’s Doom, or the Last of the Buccaneers.’ I think it’s one of the best things that’s come out this season.”

      Laura pushed it gently aside with her hand and went on and went on filching from “Venetian Life.”

      “I believe I do not want it,” she said.

      The clerk hunted around awhile, glancing at one title and then another, but apparently not finding what he wanted.