PAZUVA. Chokwadi chinosekesa. СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски

kumeso kwayo. Mushure mekunge akanda maziso ake zvakare pachibatiso chejadha, akamusimudzira nickle: kumusoro, pasi; kumusoro, pasi, yakarongedzwa kuona ekutarisa komrade uye yakashungurudzwa kure, zvakanyanya zvekuti iyo corral yose yakangopunzika ikava kuwanda kwemachipisi. Nyowani nyowani akasaswa kubva pasi petsoka dzake uye akavhara huchi dzinoverengeka, achigogodza pairi, iyo yakanyatsotarisa pane zvaiitika. Comrade iyi yanga yatomhanyisa yakananga kubindu, kuburikidza neiyadhi yezve hupfumi. Iyo mammigs nguruve yandiri kurwa, nekukurumidza kubatwa neiye akatadzira, kuparadzira zvese zvipenyu izvo zvine mvumo yekugara muyadhi iyi. Ambuya vakanamatira pahwindo, vachiumburuka mhino yavo yenyoka. Ndakagwinidzira padivi, ndakangogumburwa.

      Vakamhanya kunze kwechivanze, mukwikwidzi, achipinda mudura, akatanga kukunda magadheni, achirova nzvimbo dzekudyara uye zvimedu-zvidimbu, uye yenguruve, Borusya, akarwisa kumuruma chitsitsinho, ruoko chete rwegumi nemasere-hwai mini-pfumo rakabatana kunze kweiyo nickel yakakanganiswa. isina mechi. Ranga raive rakapfupika uye mufambidzani wacho anga achitopopota kuti abatsirwe uye kutendeuka kwakapinza, kwakamubatsira kutiza nekupunyuka, izvo zvairatidzwa nechaunga cheAsia-Gypsies nevanhu vekuona-vavakidzani vakatarisa panze pefenzi. Vanaamai vechiTajik nevari kudzvanya vakadhonza vana kubva pafenzi, asi havana kuramba, kuda kuona munhu anofara achinzi: «kutsiva nekuuraiwa yenguruve Borusi pamusoro pemurwi wehondo yeRussia.» Uye zvaingave zvinosiririsa dai zvisiri zvemapombi ezvipuka zvemupfudze pamagumo ebindu, asi mukati maro mune marara anonamira maputi eiyo vagari vemumisha yeRussia vanohwanda huswa mumatanda. Vakavabata, zvine hunyanzvi, mumwe munhu airwira, uye nekukasika zvese zvakaitika nenzira dzakasiyana kana kuti zvinopesana: iyo mammoth yenguruve Kurwa kwaive kutiza, uye mumwe munhu akarwa akamupuruzira mativi emafuta, maererano neshuwa, uye nekukasira nekukurumidza uye nehungwaru, sekunge ari pabvunzo yekuongorora., inobata kwete forogo, asi Kalashnikov pfuti yekurova, ine bayonet-banga. Uye kunyange vateereri vakatsigira murwi nekupururudza, vachirumbidza uye vachirumbidza kukunda kuri kuuya kwehomo sapiens, vakajairika mauto eRussia – pamusoro pechisikirwo, kufunga pamusoro pepfungwa, uye nekuda kweizvozvo nguruve yakange isingakwanisi kumira kurwiswa ikadonha ikafa, pamberi pomusuwo wemba, pane chikumbaridzo chayo pakanga paine shaggy. akabata bangafu mune rumwe ruoko uye vachikanda wechipiri kumashure kwake kumashure, ivo babamukuru teary vaYad-Vig. Iyo comrade yakaita yekupedzisira mukati mechitunha chenguruve uye pitchfork, ichibaya isina hupenyu yemhuka, ichisvetuka senge tambo yeviri bass, ikatsemuka.

      – Zvakanaka, ambuya, shamwari shamwari Spartak akatanga zvine hunyanzvi. – waita, dururira uye gadzika tafura!!!

      Ambuya vakadhonzera pini inosimuka kubva kumashure kwavo, inovhuvhuta mukanyiwa wekurasa uye pizza, uye nematanda vakamurovera padhuze. Paive nemheremhere, uye isu vaviri takatiza kubva kwaari. Iye zvakare mabwe emabwe, gumi kusvika mashanu emakirogiramu, akakanda kwatiri. Uye vese vaiona vakatendeukira kudivi rake vakatanga kuenda nesu, asi havana kusimuka, asi kumashure kubva pamatombo kwakakuvadza. Ambuya Yad-Vig, uye vakanyora kunyunyuta kumutungamiriri weuto, kwavakandipa mazuva gumi, naComrade – vakarova battalion yekurangwa kwemakore maviri, kwavakatanga kubva kubhero kusvika kune bhero, kuchenesa shit mune iyo pigsty yemuno, manually…

      noti 3

      Toilet snoring

      Zvakanga zvakaita seiyi: kuseri kwemetro station yemutungamiriri mukuru, Saint uye achingove Sasha, mune penny zone yemazon inokuvadza, pakanga paine chimbuzi cheBio chematumba matatu akabatanidzwa necheni imwe, akaomeswa nechinangwa chimwe, vaviri vacho vakashanda seimba yekushanda, uko vagari vemuSt. Petersburg, uye chechitatu yaive hofisi yeanoshanda uye mubati wechibhokisi, mumunhu mumwe chete akaunganidza mari yebasa rekupa muunganidzwa we shit.

      Vanhu vakamira mumaraini, vachimhanya vachitarisira kwenzvimbo dzose dzekutanga. Uye nepakati pakati pevashanyi, ndakasvina mari, ndikatengesa mari yake kuna tete tete, avo vanogara pachinzvimbo chemushandi uye muchengeti weaya zvimbudzi zveBio, Claudia Filippovna Undershram, mugari wenhaka weLeningrad muchizvarwa chechishanu. Haana kukurumidza kukanda mapfumo pasi ekupomera kwangu kwemutsotsi, ini ndoda kuziva kuti handina kuzvitaura panguva iyoyo, uye ndakataura naye. Asi mhedzisiro yacho yaive pachiso. Chiso chakapetwa. Yakanga iri, nenzira, manheru. Uye vanhu vakatoderera muhuwandu. Ini, ndisingafunge nezvekunhuwa kwemuviri wababamunini vangu, ndafunga kukanda munzira diki. Uyezve, ndaive nemahara kushandisa immune. Uye pandakapinda mune yakasununguka biosort, ndakanzwa zvakafanana naAunt. Chikafu chakadyiwa chakandiisa pachimbuzi. Mushure meizvozvo, ndakave dizzy, ndokukurukura nevatorwa zvakateedzerwa, uye nekuenderera mberi, kuputika kwezvakasara zvegastric nzira pamadziro, kuburikidza nemuromo wangu uye kurara, hope dzinotapira dzisina zviroto. Panguva ino, Claudia Filippovna Undershram akamuka kubva kudhakwa, akanzwa mumuromo wakaoma uye nekunzwa kwehuro, iko kuti, ane nyota, akasvina mvura chimwe chinhu uye, nekukasira uye kutya kwekuenda, sechikonzero chekunonoka kuenda kumba. Nenguva isipi akasimuka ndokuvhara, pamadhirowa, pamese makaomeswa neni, akarara mukati, kusanganisira kutiza…

      Ndipo pakazovapo husiku hwakazara magunun’una ehuswa uye hunyoro hwemaitiro akasiyana ehupenyu aive asati asvika pasitadhi, akarara pamabhenji. Kuona kusvinura, vatatu vanoita zvemitemo vakapfeka yunifomu, pamotokari yekambani, yeZhiguli chiratidzo chine nhamba yebhuruu uye chinyorwa mumativi eMILURE, mapurisa akange asati agadzirwa kuRussia, vakakwira mota kunoongorora iro rima. Mushure mekuita chokwadi chekuti zvese zvinoenderana nemutemo uye hapana munhu anogona kutora mari yasara, vakamisa mota yavo parutivi mumwe nemumwe, kutenderera nezvivakwa, zvaisanganisira biosorti… Vaviri vane pfuti dzemuchina, mabati, gasi canvas, bhutsu nemabhesi zvakabuda ndokuisa mumusoro. takananga kumasitoro evatengesi veAsia ye «shawarma», inoitiswa nevagari veRussian Federation, ine chizvarwa cheMoroccans, vaisanzwisisa zvakanyanya chiRussia, asi vaive vagari, uye kwaive kubhiikodhi kwakanyorwa kuti «GAY SHAURMA YOKUTAMBIRA UYE TRUMP». Nei zita rakadaro raive, pamwe, ivo vashanduri vangave vaine kuseka. Mutyairi aine pfuti, akagara mumota ari pahosi uye kamwe kamwe?!

      Ini, munhu anoteerera mutemo, asiri-mugari weRussian Federation, ndiri muRussia nerudzi. Kusvika kubva kuUSSR, Republic of Kazakhstan, kwavakandirova hujaya hwangu hwese nekuti ini ndaingova Russian. Zvisinei, ini pandakakura, ini ndatozvirova. Asi iyi inyaya yakasiyana, uye zvino kudzokera kurangana: Ini, munhu anoteerera mutemo, asiri-mugari weRussian Federation, nerudzi – Russian, musungwa anokudzwa, FSB muhombe, pensioner, akaremara akaremara uye zvese izvi zvakabatana, kunyanya sezvo ini ndaiziva zvese izvi zvisipo, kana kwaakange asati avepo, akaerekana amuka kubva kunzunza nyama kubva kuimba yekuvakidzana uye, kuti ndive chaizvo, ndainzwa kuvharika, husiku, mukamuri rechikamu rakandikomberedza, uye ceiling pamusoro. Ndainzwa zvese uye handina kuyeuka kana kuti handina kunzwisisa kuti ndiripi?! Madziro akapwanya pfungwa dzangu saizvozvo. Ndakafunga kusvika pa «mini nhanho», pandakanga ndakagara, gumbo rangu rakawira mugomba, uye ipapo zvese zvaita kunge bay. Ndakaridza mhere uye ndikamuka, ndichiita zvekuzevezera, ndichirota mwanasikana wevanhuwo zvavo, mushambadzi wechikadzi, uye mutyairi wenguva pfupi. Akavhunduka uye akatokatyamara, kunge gypsy, achipwanya chipfuva chake, asi panguva iyoyo akaonga mamiriro acho ezvinhu, asi aisatenda kumweya. Ini, ndisina hunyanzvi, ndakatukwa kuti ndibatsirwe, ndichiedza kupaza imwe gomba mune rakapendana nerimwe remadziro, asi basa rangu rakanga risingabatsiri, uye kurovera hakuna kumira.

      Panguva iyoyo, kune rimwe divi rechimbuzi, mumwe mutyairi wengoro, mutyairi akange atodaidzira kuti isimbiswe, uye vaviri, vasingatarisiri chikafu cheArabhu kubva mukanyiwa nehuku, kitsi uye imbwa dzakatengwa pasina, anga atotizira kunobatsira weanoshanda naye.

      Ndainzwa manzwi kune rimwe divi reimba, asi izvo hazvina kubatsira kudzikisa musoro wehangover.

      – Ndiani pano? – mumwe wavo akabvunza.

      – Ndiri pano, uye ndiwe ani? Ndakabvunza.

      – Me? ikozvino unoziva…

      – Pwanya imba yacho!! -Ndakabvunza imwe yacho uye zvainge zvisina kuoma kuita izvi nebhari yepfuti yekurwisa. Gonhi rakavhurika. Pamberi pangu pakamira vana vashamisika vashoma, mumwe munzira, akayambuka neziso, akapfeka yunifomu yakafanana neyaipinda. Vakabva vandiendesa kukamba yemapurisa yaive pedyo, uye chimbuzi chechimbuzi hachina kuzopera.

      Murindi akafunga kwenguva yakareba kuti angataure sei chikonzero chekuvharirwa pabasa iri mushumo. Uye zvataurwa zvinotevera:

      «… Akasungwa, uku achiedza kubira zvirimo zvechimbuzi chebio kubva mukati, achihwanda kubva kururamisiro padyo, kubva kunze.»

      Munhu wese aive achinakidzwa, kunyanya kubva pakasungwa mumwe musungwa, uyo akamanikidzwa kuchenesa imwe hofisi,