A Dark Secret. Casey Watson

to play a game I thought he might enjoy.

      ‘It’s a special game,’ I told him, as I pulled a dining chair out for him to sit on. ‘One where the idea is to make life a bit easier for you.’

      He sat as instructed and eyed all the paper and pens. ‘Are we doing colouring in?’ he asked. ‘Shall I draw you a fire engine?’

      ‘Not yet,’ I said, ‘but we can after this, if you like. No, what I thought we could do first of all is find out what things you would really like.’ I picked up my pen. ‘And when you tell me, I can make a list of them.’

Sam’s hand shot up immediately, just as it might in a classroom. ‘A dog,’ he enthused. ‘I really, really want a dog.’

      My heart sank just a little. Not the best of starts, obviously. Since having our first foster child, Justin – when Bob, our dog, had been at risk of serious harm – having a pet in the house had become a no-no. So Bob (now in doggy heaven) had gone to live his life out with Kieron. But Kieron now had another dog, a little Westie called Luna. ‘Not a dog, sweetie. We can’t have a dog here, I’m afraid. But shall I tell you something? My son Kieron has a dog. If you’d like to we could certainly go and visit him.’

      ‘A big dog or a little dog?’ he asked. I filed the question away.

      ‘A little dog.’

      ‘Good,’ he said. ‘I like little dogs the best.’

      I filed that one away too. But chanced a supplementary question.

      ‘Did you used to have a dog?’ I asked.

      ‘No,’ he said immediately. A little too immediately. ‘I never.’

      ‘You’d just like one.’

      ‘Really, really,’ he said.

      ‘Well, as I say, we can’t have one here, but if you like little dogs, you’ll definitely like Luna. And hopefully you’ll get to meet her soon. So, think again. What else?’

      ‘Um …’ he said, ‘um …’, his brow furrowed in concentration.

‘How about I suggest something?’ I offered, pretending to think hard, as he had. ‘How about a TV in your bedroom?’

      His eyes became like saucers. ‘Oh my God, yes!’ he said. ‘Could I really? That would be way cool.’

      I wrote ‘television’ down on one of my pieces of paper. ‘Okay,’ I said. ‘Then how about, say, an hour to play on my laptop?’

      ‘Your laptop? Your actual laptop?’

      ‘My actual laptop. And, let me see now, maybe something like an Xbox in your room?’

      Sam jumped from his chair at this, and punched the air, twice. ‘It’s like Christmas for good kids!’ he shouted. ‘Yes, yes!’

      ‘Hang on,’ I said, laughing. ‘We’re not finished yet. What other things would you most like?’

      ‘I like everything,’ he said, sitting down again.

      ‘So, if I add a trip to the cinema, a new toy, a takeaway … and how about a movie night? Curtains shut, so it’s like the cinema, and with popcorn and everything.’ I glanced up from my scribbling. ‘Those things sound alright to you?’

      But Sam had stopped laughing suddenly, and was staring at my list now. I didn’t know why, or what I’d said, but something had definitely just happened to create a change.

      I touched his arm. ‘What d’you think, love?’

      He turned his gaze to me. ‘What do I have to do?’ he asked, his voice now low and quiet. ‘Do I have to count to lots of one hundreds?’

Again, I filed his words away to ponder over later. But in the meantime I was at least pleased to notice that he was beginning to understand there had to be a trade-off. ‘No, silly,’ I said, smiling. ‘No counting needed. But, yes, you are right in that to get things you first have to earn them. I’m sure you’ve learned all about that in school?’

      He shrugged his shoulders. ‘I s’pose,’ he said, but his enthusiasm was definitely on the wane now.

      I reached for a second sheet of paper. ‘So,’ I said, ‘now we have to make another list. Of how you could get to have all those things. But, come on, you help me – what do you think you could do?’

      He was still looking at me with that odd, anxious expression, and I feared that the whole process might be derailed any moment – that he’d lose his rag, declare things ‘rubbish’ and generally kick off.

      But he didn’t do anything. He just sat there looking sad. ‘I don’t think I want to do anything,’ he said eventually. Then he thought for a moment. ‘Or, maybe, I could run to the shops for you?’

      It had come out of leftfield, creating a vivid image. Of little Sam hurrying down the street carrying a list and a Tesco bag for life. Such a simple thing to do, in a happy, secure childhood. And it touched me. Made me feel sad too.

It was also a discussion for another day – one down the line a bit. He was nine and an unknown quantity, so it was also a safeguarding issue. ‘No, nothing like that,’ I said, ‘though it’s a lovely idea, Sam. No, let me think. I was thinking more of things round the house. Like, how about, I know … making your bed every morning?’

      He nodded. ‘Then maybe being quiet in your room until you hear an adult get up, perhaps? Brushing your teeth twice a day? Taking out the rubbish bags to the bins?’

      I was writing as I spoke and I could see Sam eyeing the list, and I could tell by his expression – which was approaching incredulous – that he thought this was far too easy a trade.

      It also seemed to cheer him up from whatever had upset him. ‘I could do all of that,’ he said. ‘Easy. And I could wash up, and dry up, and help put the pots away,’ – now we’re rolling, I thought – ‘and I’m good at digging. I can dig the garden up for you if you like.’

      I had another vision – of my flower beds, and how well they might fare under his enthusiastic ministrations. ‘Well, I think we’ll leave the garden till it’s properly springtime,’ I told him. ‘But if you’re happy with all the others, I think that would be brilliant. So,’ I said, sitting back a little, ‘now we have what we need to play the game. The list of things you’d like, and the list of things you can do to help you get them. So now we come to this chart –’ Like a Blue Peter presenter, I reached for the one I’d prepared earlier.

      ‘What’s that?’ he said, his interest piqued. ‘What’s the lines for?’

‘These are rows and columns,’ I explained as we pored over it together. ‘We put the tasks down on this side, and the days of the week up here, and every time you complete one, we mark it with a tick. Well, not a tick, but a star’ – I reached for them – ‘like this. Then we count up all the stars and check the list of treats, and you can chose those you’ve earned enough stars for. Then we do exactly the same the next week, and the next week, and the next week. Maybe change the treats, if you decide there are other things you’d like to earn. But that’s pretty much how it works. Does that make sense?’

      ‘I’m not sure. I think so.’

      ‘Don’t worry. It will make more sense when we’ve filled in all the boxes. Shall we do that now?’

      ‘Yes, yes,’ he enthused, ‘so I can start straight away. Easy peasy!’

      It wasn’t quite as simple as that, obviously, because nothing worthwhile ever is. And, down the line – well, assuming all went roughly to plan – it would, of necessity, become more complicated. He could only ‘earn’ the TV and Xbox once, obviously, so at some point he’d have to understand that, in order just to keep them, certain tasks would need completing