I Found You. Jane Lark

itching to touch it ever since he’d picked me up from work.

      He probably thought I hadn’t noticed, but I’d noticed.

      He sipped from his bottle of beer, his legs splayed as he sat on the bar stool, with his feet on a rung and his elbow on the bar.

      His facial features were as cleanly defined as his body, his jaw, his chin, his nose, all chiseled masculine definition and fresh, clean nice guy looks. Not marred by anger or bitterness, or obsession, as the faces of the older men I’d been with were. I wondered what he’d be like in ten-years-time, at thirty-two. That was the kind of age of the men I usually went for. He’d probably have kids with Lindy and look harrowed and beaten down by life.

      I climbed up to sit on a bar stool, inelegantly, and picked up my beer.

      He gave me another sweet smile. “You don’t drink the beer much back at my apartment. I thought you’d have picked something else.”

      “Na, I just don’t drink much unless I go out, I’m an all or nothing kinda girl.” That was too true. I had a tendency toward addictions. It was all part of my nature.

      He smiled again. “So, have you been here often?”

      “Fishing again, Jason Macinlay…” I laughed. He was forever trying to draw out little snippets of my past. I rarely answered. I didn’t wanna talk about the past, only the here and now.

      He moved his beer to clink against mine. “Cheers for this suggestion, and here’s to a great night.” I recognized his intent, to shove aside his conversation with Lindy and his worries about home and work. I think I heard him make some comment complaining about the asshole he worked for every day. I knew he didn’t really like his current life.

      I knocked my beer against his in return. “And to letting our hair down.”

      He flashed me a grin, “Well yours anyway…”

      “What are you gonna let down then, Jason?” I pushed, joking with him. “Your guard?”

      “My guard?”

      “Yeah, no being-on-your-best-behavior, no looking out for me like some guardian-angel, and no holding back.”

      He grinned again and shook his head.

      “You’re relaxing tonight, and that’s an order, I want you so drunk you’re thinking about nothing but the moment––”

      “And how I’m going to peel myself off the sidewalk…”

      “Ha, ha, very funny. You’re gonna enjoy it, wait and see.”

      He sipped his beer, then smiled.

      He didn’t look convinced.

      “I need the ladies’ room, I’ll be back in a moment.”

      “Yeah.” I lifted my beer saluting her as she climbed off the stool, a little awkwardly. I smiled to myself as I watched her walk away, my gaze instinctively dropping to her ass. The red dress hugged it perfectly. Then I thought of Lindy and looked up and realized half the guys sitting at the bar were also watching Rach’s ass.

      Dammit. I felt trapped in a dilemma tonight––devil versus deep blue sea scenario again. I wasn’t in the right mood to simply forget everything and enjoy myself. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t want to let Lindy down, but… But I didn’t think I could keep doing this anymore. Something had to break. It wasn’t working. Either I gave up and simply went home and lived the life Lindy wanted me to live, or… Or I called it all off and carried on trying to work out how I fitted in to New York.

      I sighed, then remembered Rach and remembered how I’d found her, only a little less than a fortnight ago, and realized if I didn’t cheer up I was going to spoil her evening. She deserved better. She was doing her best to get on with life again, rather than run from it.

      When she came out of the restroom she looked straight past the other guys watching her and right at me. Our gazes held as she walked back toward me and her smile shone in her eyes as well as on her lips. Something gripped tight in my chest, forcing me to exhale again. She was just such a gorgeous looking woman. I fancied her. No it was more than that, I was seriously into her. She was hot as hell in that dress.

      Surely if I really felt anything for Lindy I shouldn’t have such urges for Rachel. I’d probably been kidding myself for years. Lindy and I probably ought to have been over long ago.

      I breathed in. This night was for Rachel.

      Looking away from her, I lifted my hand to call the barman over.

      “Yeah, what can I get you?”

      “Two more shots and two more beers.”

      “Coming up.”

      Rach’s fingers touched my shoulder. I felt her touch run through my insides too, and my abs tightened.

      “Good boy. I see you’re learning.”

      Her fingers slid off my shoulder.

      I was learning, since I’d come to New York… Mostly about myself. The thing was, I didn’t particularly like what I was learning.

      When the barman put the shots down, Rach said, “This time we see who can do it the fastest,” and threw me a devilish smile.

      I smiled back, feeling a decision begin shifting inside me. Surely if Lindy and I weren’t right for each other it was best to have realized it now and let her down at this point rather than in five years’ time when we had kids to let down too.

      I took out my wallet and paid the guy. Then we did the shots. I won. But my face screwed up as I tasted the lemon.

      Looking sexy as hell, even when she sucked on a lemon, Rach’s eyebrows lifted. “And you’re a fast learner.”

      “Sure am…” I could already feel the alcohol running in my blood. “Case in point…” I began telling her tales from my college days, seeing as she’d gone tight lipped again when I asked her about her usual night life in New York. I made my stories funny to make her laugh.

      She did laugh.

      Then when we’d finished the second beer she said, “Right, we’re off to another bar now you’ve livened up. There’s a great karaoke place I know on the edge of Chinatown. We’ll head there before we go to a club.”

      Her dress rucked up when she got off the bar stool and flashed the length of her slender thighs. My stomach jolted with a sharp pang of lust. My gaze lifted to her face. Fuck, I shouldn’t be looking at her like that.

      Her fingers gripped mine, which still rested on the bar, only for an instant, as though she’d misread my expression as worry over Lindy.

      I appreciated her concern though. She was so much more thoughtful than the woman who was meant to love me––but I shouldn’t be slavering all over her, it wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair.

      I held the door so she could leave the bar first, and she glanced back and gave me a thank you smile.

      We hailed one of the dozens of yellow cabs racing past in the lit street, to get to the next place, avoiding wasted time.

      When we walked into the karaoke bar the noise hit me first, then the heat and the smell of a couple of hundred sweaty people. I wasn’t used to bars like this. Rach was right; I’d needed to start in a quieter place. This was packed, it was elbowroom only, and everyone was talking and shouting at one another to be heard.

      Rach headed into the mass of humanity, turning one way then the other, weaving her way toward the bar. She got a little separated from me. I saw the guy in front of me reach to grab her ass. I grabbed his wrist and held it tight.

      His gray eyes spun to me and I gave him a steely smile, then said, “Fuck off.”

      He grinned.

      I moved past him so I was close to Rach again and rested my hand on her