Destined to Feel. Indigo Bloome

they’ve abducted her — if they’re willing to go to these extremes, will it ever be over? I slam the laptop closed in frustration — it’s not as if it’s giving me any of the answers I so urgently need. What I need is a strong drink. I’m driving myself crazy. I pass by Sam’s room and tap on the door before opening it. He’s absorbed in his laptop, maybe hoping for answers just as futilely as I was.

      ‘I’m heading to the bar, can I get you anything?’

      ‘I’ll join you in half an hour or so. I want to reorganise the priorities for my team in Sydney so they are on standby to research the information Moira will be sending through and I’ll offer any assistance to Martin in setting up a more sophisticated tracker on Alexandra’s bracelet. You never know, they might find something. I know it’s a long shot but …’ He sounds despondent as he looks up from his work and his eyes register both our misery.

      ‘Thanks Sam, it will all help and they’re a bright bunch by the sounds of it. I’ll let McKinnon know we’ll need to defer the forum indefinitely and he can inform the other members.’

      ‘Of course, I should have thought of that, he is the Chair, after all. I’ll see you downstairs. I suppose there’s not too much else we can do until we hear back from Moira.’

      I close his door and trudge towards the lift. I’m not used to being this useless. I need action, to hunt down her abductors, not just make phone calls, damn it. Being forced to wait is killing me.

      In the lobby bar I stare aimlessly into the flames of the candelabra, jiggling the ice around in my double shot of Glenmorangie. Some slick chick asks me if I want company tonight and I motion her away with a wave of my hand. As if I could think of anyone but Alex at the moment, as if I ever will again — even my dick concurs. My mind flits back through the many times we have played together. She never disappointed me, has always been willing to try anything with me, explore and push the boundaries. Of all the women I have been with, and there have been many over the years, she is the one I keep coming back to. The one I couldn’t get out of my head even when I was being pleasured by two buxom blondes in California, or getting a blow job from a lusty redhead with a mouth to die for. It was Alex — her body, her mind, her heart — that kept floating erratically through my mind during those moments of random pleasure, preventing me from committing further to any other woman in my life. I never spoke about her of course, they didn’t need to know.

      Marie was close and wanted our relationship to go further, but I couldn’t bring myself to commit, not when I knew Alex was still out there, even if she was unavailable and on the other side of the world. We are still friends but she’s as wrapped up in her career as I am in mine and marrying Marie would have been like a business deal, Kardashian-style, all for show but without any grounded substance. Marriage should mean more than that.

      Besides, I needed to know once and for all, where I stood with AB. I knew she was married with kids; I’m Jordan’s godfather after all, even if I haven’t exactly been a major presence in his life. The weekend away I organised with her meant everything to me. I knew from the second she agreed to stay that, finally, this was our time, our destiny and that my philandering ways were over. This was the real deal. There was no way I was ever going to let her go again. And it couldn’t have worked more perfectly. My meticulous planning paid off in every way possible. I had to ensure our lives would be entangled together somehow from that point forward — whether it was professionally, sexually or psychologically. I didn’t mind which one, actually, if I’m perfectly honest I was obviously hoping to achieve all three and hit the jackpot. Breaking through her boundaries, removing all the layers of defensive constructs she’d built up over the years and finally witnessing her willingness to experiment made me fall even more in love with her all over again. Not to mention her effect on my research. The results are absolutely extraordinary but shit, at what cost? What would have happened if she hadn’t agreed to be involved? I would never have forced her into anything she wasn’t willing to do herself and ultimately she did it willingly, but with the blackmail letter I received on the Friday night of our weekend hanging over my head, threatening the safety of her children … I just couldn’t risk it. Anything could seem like an accident when they were travelling in the wilderness of Tasmania. I certainly didn’t want to scare her or put her children in any danger, all because of my work. They mean the world to her; they are her world. In the end, I was pleased that I hadn’t caused her any worry by mentioning it to her and I thought it had all worked out, but now the letter, then the computer hacking, and finally the abduction, all tumbles into one sordid picture — but who is behind it? Who would stoop so low? Who would take that risk to put her in so much personal danger? They must have a lot at stake or maybe I have more enemies than I realised … My head literally aches as my brain runs through numerous scenarios.

      I remind myself that Alexa is strong, has always been strong and oftentimes is stronger than she realises. Christ, look what she did for me! At least I know they won’t want her dead. She is no use to them dead; these results require that she is very much alive. Thank god! But I also know it is highly unlikely they will achieve the results we did. My stomach churns at the thought of what they may put her through, how they might want to touch her. It sickens me to the core. The only way I want my Alexa to receive pleasure is under my instruction. No one knows her body the way I do, and at least that knowledge calms my churning gut a little. Hang in there, sweetheart, we’ll find you. The light from the candles continues to flicker. I swipe my finger through their flames, feeling the heat but not the burn, and it sparks a memory from a happier time.

      * * *

      We are in the middle of a five day skiing trip to Val d’Isère with a group of friends. It’s such an amazing resort, the snow and weather have been exceptional as is the chalet we are staying in. We have a dedicated chef and as much wine and champagne as we can drink. We’ve been skiing hard each day and chilling out when the sun goes down.

      Alex has improved dramatically on the slopes in the past two days. She has only skied once before. I’m really proud of her perseverance, she never gives up and today we managed some red runs together, so it’s a massive improvement. She has one spill when some dickhead trying to show off loses control and bowls her over. She hurtles over the side of the run and I only know where she is when I see her poke her stick up from the body-deep snow. Once I can see she’s not injured, we can’t stop laughing, which makes it even more difficult for me to haul her out of her predicament.

      ‘Could you be covered in any more snow if you tried?’ It’s taking all my strength to keep a grip on her, as I try to control my chuckles. She looks like the sexiest, cutest snow creature I’ve ever seen, white flakes caked through her hair and sitting on top of her eyelashes. I decide there is no way I’m sharing her with the others tonight. We’ll stay in and this has given me the perfect excuse.

      ‘It’s not like I planned it this way, Jeremy. Is that guy okay?’ Her voice is muffled under the snow. Typically she’s more worried about the idiot who did this, than herself. I give one last heave and out she pops, landing on top of me — which I have no issue with whatsoever.

      ‘The maniac who took you out? He’s long gone, but are you sure you’re okay?’

      ‘Yeah, I’m fine, but I’ve got snow everywhere, absolutely everywhere, inside and out!’

      ‘Well, maybe we should call it a day. I’ve got an idea that should warm you up nicely.’

      Oh yes, there’s the mischievous look in her eyes. I’ve piqued her interest.

      ‘What did you have in mind, Dr Quinn?’

      ‘Let’s just get you inside and de-snowed. We’ll be staying in tonight.’

      No arguments from the lady.

      It’s the chef’s night off so our friends head out for a big night — more than likely till about 4 a.m. I’m pleased we now have the chalet to ourselves and I have important plans for our evening together. My cock has been twitching for action all day and is very happy to be free of the restraints of my ski clothes.

      As I walk past the bathroom, the door is left slightly ajar, which is convenient because I catch Alexa’s