Grumpy Old Men: A Manual for the British Malcontent. David Quantick

Luggagey Shops

       Airport ‘Pubs’ and ‘Restaurants’

       MODERN LIFE

       Sports Casual

       Call Centres

       Banks

       Cashpoints

       Meetings

       The National Lottery

       Ikea

       School Reunions

       Squeegee Bastards

       Language Pedants

       Split Infinitives

       Business Words

       TRAINS

       The Railways

       Train Carriages

       Train Staff

       Reserved Seats On Trains

       First Class

       Train Food

       Buffet Trolleys

       Virgin Trains

       OCCUPATIONS

       Estate Agents

       Estate Agentese

       Hairdressers

       Builders

       Dentists

       Astrologers

       Traffic Wardens

       Traffic Police

       Royalty

       ‘Chuggers’ the Charity Muggers

       Fourth Rate ‘Sporting Figures’

       ‘D’ List Celebrities

       Magicians

       Clowns (1)

       Jugglers

       Mime Artists

       Pizza-Delivery Boys

       Clowns (2)

       Buskers

       THE YOUNG

       Babies

       Schoolchildren

       Teenagers

       Students

       PUBLIC HOLIDAYS

       Christmas

       Valentine’s Day

       Bonfire Night

       Greetings Cards

       PEOPLE WHO…

       Use A Train Like It’s Their Office

       Throw Things Out of the Car Window

       Haven’t Bought a Weekend Saver

       Prefer Animals to Human Beings

       Have Too Much Luggage

       Are Obsessed With Their Country

       Find Accidents Fascinating

       Think They Have Street Cred (1) & (2)

       Put Pictures Of Their Family On Their Christmas Cards

       Park In Disabled Spaces When Not Entitled

       Litter

       Collect Toys

       Play Poker

       Let Their Children Record Messages On Their Answering Machine

       Send ‘Round Robin’ Letters