The Ice Monster. Tony Ross

turned to the right to pass through the gates of the museum, and Elsie seized her chance. While the sky was black with hats, she leaped off the branch of the tree…

      W H O O S H!

      …and landed on top of the Queen’s carriage.

      THUD!

      With all the noise and commotion, no one seemed to notice this huge breach of security.

      Elsie lay down flat on the roof of the carriage so she wouldn’t be seen. In 1899, anyone getting this close to Her Majesty without an invitation might very well pay the price with their life.

      The carriage sped into the grounds of the museum, and came to a halt at the bottom of the stone steps. Elsie lifted her head a tiny bit, and peeked over the side of the carriage.

      Thousands of faces were pushed up against the metal railings, open mouths roaring their approval for their queen.

      “HURRAH!”

      The carriage wobbled slightly as Her Majesty stepped out. The Queen was old and frail, and tottered up the stone steps, helped by a handsome Indian attendant in a turban.

      She was dressed from head to toe in black and wore a solemn look on her face. That was because she was in deep mourning for her husband, Prince Albert, even though he had died nearly forty years before. Not wanting to disappoint the crowd, the Queen slowly turned round and gave them a polite wave.

      “HURRAH!”

      While all eyes were on the royal guest, Elsie slid off the roof and lowered herself down the side of the carriage. There she hid behind a wheel.

      The hullabaloo must have startled the horses…

      “NEIGH! NEIGH!”

      …as the carriage shunted backwards a little. Elsie thought she was going to be trampled to death by the horses’ hooves, but the carriage driver cracked his whip…

      SNAP!

      …and ordered…

      “WHOA!”

      Elsie let out a sigh of relief as the horses came to a juddering stop.

      The girl watched from her hiding place as the Queen was greeted with a bow by the director of the museum, the portly Sir Ray Lankester, and led inside.

      The huge wooden doors were closed behind her.

      THUD.

      Now Elsie wasn’t feeling too clever. All around her she could see the legs of policemen. How was she going to get inside that museum without anyone seeing her? She was desperate to do so, but Elsie had more chance of becoming the next Archbishop of Canterbury.

      As she pondered her next move on her hands and knees, the most unexpected thing happened. The carriage moved off, leaving the girl hiding behind nothing at all. She was concealed only by some air.

      Air is the worst thing to find yourself hiding behind. Other bad ones include:

      Elsie was in deep, deep doo-doo.

      

      “HA! HA!” the crowd outside the Natural History Museum all laughed when the little urchin was revealed hiding behind the air.

      The policemen looked around in confusion.

      “THERE!”

      The crowd pointed at the girl, and eventually the policemen saw what was right under their noses.

      They formed a circle round this uninvited guest, and began closing in on her.

      Having lived on the streets, Elsie was no stranger to running away from the police, or the “rozzers”* as those who spent most of their time running away from the police called them.

      The policemen crouched down and stretched out their arms, sure that she would try to escape by running through their legs.

      “We’ve got you!” growled the chief of police, Commissioner Barker. He was a heavy man with a tiny postage stamp of a moustache stuck over his top lip.

      The circle was closing.

      The policemen linked arms to make themselves into a human net.

      There was no way out.

      Spotting the truncheons dangling from their belts, a daring thought crossed Elsie’s mind. Just as the policemen were looming over her, she grabbed two of the truncheons with each hand, yanking them as hard as she could.

      This brought the policemen crashing towards one another.

      Their heads knocked together.

      “OW!”

      “OOF!”

      “ARGH!”

      Dazed and confused, the policemen tumbled backwards, and collapsed on to the ground.

      From above, the scene looked like a flower, with Elsie the centre and the policemen all splayed-out petals.

      This brilliant move by the urchin instantly won over the crowd, and they cheered.

      “HURRAH!”

      No one wanted to see an army of policemen win against one little mite.

      However, there was no time to lap up the attention of the crowd. Elsie darted up the steps towards the entrance to the Natural History Museum. Another squad of policemen stood guard in front of the huge wooden doors. They drew their truncheons, ready to give this little creature a ruddy good bashing.

      Not wanting to receive a bashing, be it a good or a bad one (neither sounded appealing), Elsie slid down the handrail. To one side of the building entrance was a drainpipe.

      There was no time to think. What with her monkey feet, Elsie was soon halfway up it.

      “HURRAH!” cheered the crowd once more.

      One bold policeman gave chase up the drainpipe, but not being blessed with monkey feet he instantly slid back down.

      W H I Z Z !

      “ARGH!”

      His bottom landed right on top of another policeman’s face.

      BOING!

      “POOH!” complained the one whose nose was now stuck up the other’s rear end.

      Needless to say, this perfect piece of slapstick was greeted by howls of laughter from the crowd.

      “HA! HA! HA!”

      “AFTER HER, YOU FOOLS!” barked Barker.

      “Right away, Commissioner, sir!” said one.

      “FORM A LADDER!” ordered the commissioner.

      “How are we gonna do that?”

      “Heaviest at the bottom.”

      “That’s very