The London-Bawd: With Her Character and Life. Unknown

ready for the Entertaining her Gallant; a Splendid Banquet being provided for him before he went to his Amorous Engagement; and being just ready to call him in, her Husband (who had been concealed near the House for some time, and seen the suspected Gallant walk to and fro in the Street,) suddenly enters the House, and finding such a Banquet ready prepared, no longer doubted but it was to entertain him; and therefore hastily calls for his Wife, and asks her the meaning of those Preparations, and who that Banquet was design'd for? The young Lady, surpriz'd and confounded at her Husbands unexpected Return, was at a Loss what to answer him; but plucking up her Spirits as well as she could, told him that she was resolv'd to surprize him, as well as he was to surprize her; for being inform'd that he had chang'd his mind, and was returning home, thinking to surprize her, she intended by that banquet to surprize him at his Return. This answer of hers, as plausible as it seem'd, he was sure was altogether False; and therefore taking her by the Shoulder, he with a stern and angry Countenance said, No, thou Disloyal Strumpet: it is not such a poor Excuse as this shall serve thy Turn; I am not to be deceiv'd; I saw that Lustful Leacher walking at the Door for whom this Banquet was prepar'd; and had I but been Arm'd, I would have given him another sort of Entertainment than that which you design'd him; But since your Lust's so hot, I'll see if I can't cure it; and with that he dragg'd her out of doors, and stripp'd her Naked, and so led her into a Pond he had within his Yard; and there he ty'd her fast unto a Post which was plac'd in the midst of it; telling her that by to morrow-morning he hop'd she wou'd be something cooler; whilst she in vain protests her Innocency, and intreats him to release her. And having left her in this cold Condition, Locks up his Servants in their Chambers, and taking all the Keys into his own Possession, he repairs to Bed.

      Her Spark in the mean time, weary with so long walking before the Door, and wondring that he wan't admitted, repairs to the old Bawd to know the reason of it; She was as much concern'd at it as he; but having had a Key from the young lady, by which she might at any time come in at the back-Door, desir'd him to stay there, whilst she went to the House to see what was the matter: And having open'd the back Gate which led into the Court where the Pond was, she straight saw the Lady in the Pond, in the same Station as her Husband left her; And coming towards her, with a low voice, enquired into the cause of her Calamity.

      O (said the Lady to her) you have ruin'd me for ever, your Cursed Counsel has undone me; your Eyes are Witnesses to what disgrace and misery it has already expos'd me; And what the end will be, I know not. Why, said the Bawd, you have not seen your Gallant, without you had some other than he which I design'd to help you to.—No, no, reply'd the Lady, I had prepar'd for his Reception; and just as I was ready to have call'd him in, my Husband came, and unexpectedly surpris'd me. And seeing the Banquet I had made, grew into such a rage, that he has dealt with me thus barbarously—Well, said the Bawd, if this be all, take Courage; you shall be even with him still, and if you'll but be ruled by me, the Jealous Dotard shall be made a Cuckold before to morrow-morning: Your Spark is at my House waiting for my Return. I'll take your place, and you shall put my Cloaths on, and go meet him there, and take your fill of Loves Enjoyments, and then return again to me.

      The young Lady, who was extreamly troubled at her late Disappointment, and her Husbands cruel Usage, and perceiveing that these things was feizable, she took the offer'd Counsel; and the Old Bawd having soon stript herself, and releas'd the young Lady, took her place in the Pond, whilst she went forth to the Bawds Apartment, and there met with her Gallant, who at first by her Garb took her for the Bawd, but was well pleas'd to find himself mistaken: And being told how matters stood, they made use of their time; and esteem'd themselves much beholden to the Bawd, by whose contrivance they thus come together; whilst she did greater Pennance, and under-went more Pain to procure their Pleasure, then they were then aware of: For the old Gentleman not being Satisfied in that Revenge he had taken on his Wife, for her making him a Cuckold; resolved to punish her farther, and so rises out of his Bed, and goes down to the side of the Pond; and there calls her a thousand Whores and Strumpets; Did not I (says he) take you in a manner without a Smock to your Arse, and desired no Portion with you, on purpose that you might be a dutiful and kind Wife, and maintain'd you as well as any Lady in the Land? And is this the requital that you make me, you impudent Strumpet? Tell me, who was it that advis'd you to this wickedness? The Old Bawd to whom all this was spoken (tho' he thought it had been to his Wife) durst not reply one word; and resolv'd, whatever he said, she wou'd not answer him; which so much enrag'd him, that he said, What! Am I not worth an Answer then? I'll make you an Example to all Whores that abuse their Husbands; and then pulling his Knife out of Pocket, he comes to her, and cuts off her Nose, and flings it in her Face; Now, Strumpet says he, take that for your Whoring, and present it to your Gallant: And having said that, he left her, and went up to his Bed, Leaving the old Bawd in a miserable condition. But it was not long after, that the Lady having satiated herself with her Gallant, & taken her leave of him, return'd to the Pond, to relieve the Poor Bawd, Who told her what had happen'd since her Departure: At which the Lady was more disturb'd than even the Bawd her self; and was once thinking of running quite away from her bloody Husband: But the Bawd being a cunning old Jade, documents her thus: 'Tis true, says she, it has fallen out very unhappily for me; but since that is now too late to help, I must make me a mends: But nothing could have fallen out more happily for you, if you will follow my direction; which is, That as soon as I am gone, you Complain in a low Voice of the Cruelty of your Husband in abusing and wronging his Chaste and Innocent Wife, in so shameful a manner, as the cutting of your Nose, & defacing your Beauty: And then Pray to all the Blessed Saints above that are Protectors of Chastity, that they wou'd miraculously restore your Nose and Beauty again; and soon after, break out into Thanksgivings for having your Nose restored; and this will pass for a Miracle, and so Vindicate your Innocency that you will never more be suspected. And I hope you will make me amends for what I have suffer'd for you. This the young Lady faithfully promis'd; and so the Bawd went home to provide for her own Cure, leaving the Lady fast ty'd as she was at first by her Husband.

      The Bawd was no sooner gone, and the Coast clear, but the Lady, fetching a great sigh, breaks forth into this doleful Lamentation,—O unhappy Woman! unhappy above all Women! Unhappy in having without cause lost the Love of a Husband in whom I had plac'd all my Happiness! Unhappy in having my Reputation taken away by him, and Unhappy in being us'd more barbarously and Ignominiously by him, than if I were a Common Whore! To have my Nose thus cut off, and my Beauty defac'd, and all this without Cause; what can be more barbarously Cruel in him, or render me more miserable! But O ye Heavenly Powers, (added she in a higher Tone, that her Husband might hear her, which he also did) if such Powers there be, that are the Protectors of Chastity, and Vindicators of Innocence, Look down on me, whose Innocence you know, and hear my Prayers; If I have deviated from the strictest Rules of Vertue and of Honour, and Violated in the least the marriage Bond that I have enter'd into; let all your Direful Vengeance fall upon me. But if I have kept my Chastity inviolate, and never wrong'd my Husbands Bed so much as in a thought, let my Disfigur'd Face be healed again, and my lost Beauty and dismembered Nose, which has been taken from me so unjustly, be both restored again, as a convincing Testimony of my Innocency.

      Having ended her Prayer, she stood silent for about half a Quarter of an Hour; and then, as tho' her Nose had been miraculously reunited to her Face again, she with a loud Voice broke forth into these Expressions: O ye Immortal Powers that knew my spotless and Immaculate (tho Suffering) Chastity, and have so eminently now rewarded it, accept my Hearty and my Humble Thanks: For by this Miracle that you have wrought for me, my Husband surely will believe my Innocency; and I am glad I shall be able at the Expence of so much blood, and so much Pain and Misery, to let him know how much he has wrong'd me, and how much I love him: Yes, O ye Powers above, that have so wonderfully clear'd my Innocency, I do appeal to you how much I love him, notwithstanding all his Cruelty; for which, O ye Immortal Powers, I humbly invocate your gracious Pardon, because he did it through an Excess of Rage, to one whom he Imagin'd had been false.—And then raising her Voice much higher, she call'd out to her Husband, saying. Come down, my Dearest Love, and see and be convinc'd how much you've wronged your Chaste and Loyal Wife.

      The old Gentleman, that lay awake in his Bed and had hear'd all this, knew not what to think of it: He was sure he had cut off her Nose, and flung it at her Face, but had not faith enough to think it was set on again; and therefore thought it was some Trick to be releas'd: However, since she call'd to him to see and be convinc'd, he was resolv'd to know