Shadows from the Past. Lindsay McKenna

      “It is. It’s my biggest fear. What if I walk up to this man and say, ‘Hey, I’m your daughter. Did you want me in your life? Do you even know I existed? Will you let me into your life? Do you love me? Did you ever love me?’” Shaking her head, Kam felt tears coming to her eyes. Looking down at her clasped hands in her lap, she said in a wobbly voice, “Oh, Mom, I’m just so scared.”

      Placing her arm about her, Laura whispered, “I know you are. Maybe if you tried to get a job there, it would help answer some of your questions on your own. It would give the Mason family time to get to know you, too, before you sprang the big news.”

      Nodding, Kam admitted, “It’s a coward’s way out, I know, but I just don’t have the courage to go up to him at this point. For all I know, he’s not my father. Just a cowboy who was at the conference who met my mother and by chance, got into this photo just because he was at their booth at the time it was shot.”

      “It could be that simple,” Laura acknowledged. “If you could gain his trust, it might make it easier for you eventually to approach him.”

      “That’s what I was thinking.” Kam wiped her eyes. “I just wish I had the gumption it took just to call him up or write him an e-mail.”

      Laura shrugged. “You could. But what if he knows you’re out there and doesn’t want this blown up because of his family? Maybe there are family dynamics in play we don’t know about. And maybe going in as a hired person at the ranch would give him an opportunity to get to know you over time. And if he is your father, then a lot of the way is smoothed because he will know you. It will lessen the shock of finding out you’re the lost daughter coming back to the family. At least he’ll know you to be a decent, kind and intelligent person.”

      Kam closed her eyes and hung her head. “What would I do without you two? It has taken me so long to work up to this, and now you’re helping me once again.”

      “Kammie, all we want is for you to be happy. We feel like your life has been on hold because you haven’t wanted to investigate your origins. We’ve seen you walk away from several developing relationships. We felt that because this basic, fundamental question had not been answered yet, you couldn’t commit to one.”

      “You’re right about that.” Kam looked up and then over at Laura. “I don’t want to fall in love with a man and have a child who doesn’t know about my life and background. I don’t ever want my child to go through what I’m going through, Mom.”

      “We understand,” Laura said, patting her shoulder. “This is a good step to take. Just remember that Rudd Mason might not be your father, though he’s the most obvious lead right now. And we may not ever know who your real father is….”

      “I can’t even go there, Mom. It just hurts too much.” An intense sadness flooded her. “If I can earn Rudd Mason’s trust and situate myself into his family as a caregiver, that’s as good as it gets for now. Maybe after this, I’ll sit down and talk to him privately about who I really am.”

      “I hope he doesn’t feel hoodwinked by you coming like a wolf in sheep’s clothing,” Laura said. “That’s the real caveat in your approach, Kam. He may think you sneaked into his family to cause problems.”

      “I thought of that, too. There just isn’t an easy way to do this, Mom. No matter how I break the news, it’ll be messy.”

      “Well,” Laura said comfortingly, “apply for the position and send the e-mail. See if you can get hired. If you get hired, I’d take that as a sign from the universe that this is the way you should go.”

      Kam watched as Laura stood up and pulled the second chair out of the way so she could sit in front of her laptop. “This is scary, Mom.”

      “Life is scary, honey,” Laura said, patting Kam’s shoulder. “But life demands we step up to the plate and just do it. No one said it was easy. Now, get going on that e-mail and we’ll go from there.”

      With a mixture of fear and excitement, Kam did as instructed. She had to start her new journey somewhere.

      CHAPTER TWO

      RUDD MASON mentally crossed his fingers. He sat behind his ranch office desk on the north side of the sprawling single-story log dwelling, hoping against hope. Would this be the right caregiver for his mother? He’d gone through five already. His mother, Iris Mason, was a tour de force, and none of them could cope with her. Glancing up at the clock, whose face was surrounded by a series of elk antlers, he noted that Kamaria Trayhern would arrive in an hour for her interview.

      Outside, the May sky was moody with clouds that had drifted across the majestic Tetons on the south side of the fifty-thousand-acre ranch. The typical May weather brought a mix of fronts, delivering below-freezing temps, only to rebound to the sixties during the day. Snow had finally melted around the dude-ranch portion, and his wranglers were busy with last-minute finishes, painting and repair on the ten cabins that would house their clientele.

      Rudd nervously moved his work-worn fingers across his red handlebar mustache, now sprinkled with gray. At forty-eight years old, he didn’t think much about the gray at his temples, either. His red hair was cut short and mostly hidden beneath his beat-up black Stetson. His wife, Allison, continually chided him about wearing the hat inside the house, telling him he should remove it since it was the gentlemanly thing to do. Well, he was a cowboy, from the bloodlines of trappers who had discovered this area and eventually settled it long before the pioneers had arrived. His blood was connected to the pulse of the earth where he’d been born. It felt good to be so deeply rooted when most people never knew much about their family history. Such ignorance was unforgivable in Rudd’s mind.

      Watching out the window of his corner office, Rudd felt a frisson of tension. Few applicants had responded to his ad to take care for his ailing mother. Jackson Hole, Wyoming, wasn’t exactly Grand Central Station. In fact, just the opposite—it was out in the middle of some of the most beautiful landscape and mountains the U.S.A. had to offer. But not much city, that was for sure. Would this woman, Kamaria Trayhern, be a city slicker in disguise? Unable, like the others, to adjust to ranch life and his mother’s pace? Her résumé was interesting and, as an EMT, she’d be perfect for his mother’s needs. What was Kamaria really like? Only a face-to-face meeting would tell the tale. Fretting, Rudd tugged at his long handlebar mustache and waited the long hour.

      

      KAM UNCONSCIOUSLY rubbed her tightened stomach as she drove slowly through the sleepy Western town of Jackson Hole, Wyoming. The sky was cloudy and threatened rain. Maybe snow? Here and there on her way up to the small town that was the gateway to the Grand Teton and Yellowstone national parks, Kam had seen patches of snow across the rolling green hills. She crawled along at twenty-five miles an hour in the early-afternoon Monday traffic. The town seemed clean, neat and very Western. She had stayed at the Wyoming Inn of Jackson Hole on the main drag and been treated like royalty. Not only had the staff provided her with a delicious breakfast but they had gone out of their way to help her with directions to the Elkhorn Ranch.

      She’d found many quaint establishments off the four-lane highway. One that caught her attention was Jedidiah’s Restaurant, which, she’d been told, served the best sourdough pancakes. Kam loved sourdough and made a note to herself to go back real soon.

      As she climbed the hill out of town, Kam was not prepared for what she saw at the top. On the left the dragon-teeth Grand Tetons emerged. Wreathed in winter snow, their cragginess evident, the mountain chain resembled the sharp scales on the back of a sleeping dragon. The mountains soared upward out of the flat plain, which made them even more dramatic and spectacular. The beauty of the early afternoon was enhanced by a line of thick, fluffy white clouds scudding across the sharp peaks like soldiers on a march.

      To her right was a long rolling valley. The Hole in Jackson Hole was an early trapper word that meant valley. Kam spotted many herds of elk who were leaving their wintering ground for the higher reaches of the hills and mountains that surrounded the valley.

      The friendly staff