Now or Never. PENNY JORDAN

A ground breaking all-girl band, even if we never made it beyond a couple of gigs at the local youth club. That was when you met Stuart, wasn’t it?’

      ‘Don’t remind me.’ Alice groaned. ‘Those outfits … and that make-up! The music lessons our parents paid for, delighted by our desire to learn an old-fashioned accomplishment!’

      ‘I know. My poor father’s face when he walked into the garage and found us practising with our electric guitars.’

      As they both started to laugh Stella’s austere expression softened. ‘Those were good times …’ she had to acknowledge.

      ‘Mmm. We thought we were so wild and cool, and in reality compared with today’s youngsters, we were very naïve.’

      ‘We thought you were sophisticated when you and Stuart started going steady! How does he feel about you doing this Open University course? I know he spends a lot of time away …’

      ‘I haven’t told him about it yet,’ Alice confessed, starting to relax. This was better, more the kind of reaction she had expected, and Stella could always be relied on for her calm, practical advice. ‘You know how he’s always been, Stella,’ she said tentatively. ‘He’s a wonderful man, kind, generous, loving …’

      ‘But?’ Stella invited, recognising her cue. And her role?

      Were things perhaps not as good in Alice’s marriage as they all assumed, Stella speculated inwardly. Certainly Stuart never made any secret of the fact that he had a high sex drive, and she had sometimes wondered if Alice ever tired of keeping up with a man who was so sexually demanding. Initially in a relationship no doubt having that kind of intensity focused on you was exciting and ego-boosting, but after thirty years of marriage?

      ‘But … But nothing.’ Alice shook her head.

      It wasn’t fair to criticise Stuart behind his back, even to her closest friends. After all, what if she did sometimes find him over-controlling? And then patronising her because she was so dependent on him … Compared to the appalling life Nicki had had to suffer with Carl, though, she had nothing whatsoever to complain about.

      ‘Do you know,’ she told Stella, changing the subject, ‘I think that’s the first time Maggie has ever mentioned the way Carl abused Nicki.’

      ‘Well, it’s a subject none of us likes to talk about, isn’t it? I mean, we were there when they met, and when they got married, and none of us had any inkling of what he was really like. We saw Nicki every week, and yet none of us knew what he was doing to her, and we should have known.’

      ‘She felt too ashamed to tell us. Her self-esteem was so low she had begun to believe Carl when he told her that she was the one who made him hit her. It was Maggie who found out in the end, and who made her leave Carl, helped her.’

      They were outside Stella’s house. Alice stopped the car.

      ‘What do you think we should do about Maggie and Nicki?’ she asked Stella hesitantly.

      Stella’s reply was prompt and unequivocal.

      ‘Nothing! Except keep our fingers crossed and hope things sort themselves out.’

      ‘Do you honestly think that they will?’

      As she opened the door of the car Stella turned to look at Alice. ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted, pulling the collar of her coat up around her neck against the chill of the sharp wind. Spring might only be several weeks away, but that didn’t alter the fact that right now they were still in winter.

      Being optimistic too soon and with too little cause was never a good idea, even if someone like Maggie could never be brought to accept that fact!

      4

      ‘Is Hughie back yet?’ Stella asked Richard, slipping off her coat and going to fill the kettle.

      ‘I heard him come in a few minutes ago. He went straight upstairs,’ Richard told her. ‘Pleasant evening?’

      ‘No!’

      Putting down his paper, Richard looked at his wife. She had been a slightly bolshy, outspoken junior probation officer when he had first met her—they had both belonged to the same ramblers group—and he had courted her steadily for two years before asking her to marry him. His widowed mother had initially been slightly hostile towards her, but that hostility had melted when Stella had produced Hughie.

      ‘So what happened?’ he asked curiously.

      Handing him the cup of tea she had just made him, Stella sighed. ‘Maggie announced that she’s pregnant!’

      ‘At her age!’ Richard looked appalled. Much as he loved Hughie he had never been a ‘hands on’ type of father, Stella reflected ruefully. Night-time feeds and nappy changing had all been left to her. Not that she had minded. If she was honest, the love she had felt for her son as a baby had been far more intense and passionate than the calm, relaxed emotion she felt for Richard. Which did not mean, of course, that she didn’t love him. She did.

      ‘I certainly wouldn’t want to be in that position,’ Richard told her.

      ‘Well, we aren’t likely to be, are we?’ Stella replied wryly.

      She knew it was unfair of her to remind him of the growing infrequency of their sex life. He was after all fifty-seven, they had been married for twenty-seven years, and sex had never been high on their list of shared priorities anyway. And at her age …

      But she and Maggie were the same age, she couldn’t help inwardly reminding herself. And the idea of Maggie deciding she was too old to merit a good sex life was as preposterous as … as Maggie’s pregnancy? And it wasn’t just Maggie, was it? There was Alice with Stuart, and Nicki with Kit. No, none of her friends lived a life where sex was reduced to a rare occurrence, that sometimes actually bypassed even ‘high days and holidays’. Only she was expected to be non-sexual and like it!

      Her frown gave way to a smile as the door opened and Hughie came into the room.

      She and Richard were both tall, but Hughie was over six feet three, his body well muscled from the rugby he played. To her, though, Stella acknowledged, there was still something that was almost little-boyish about his face at times.

      ‘Mum, have you and Dad got a minute?’ he asked.

      He was nervous, Stella could see that. Automatically her stomach tightened. This was something Maggie was going to have to get used to, this never-ending, relentless awareness of the vulnerability of one’s child, coupled with the frightening realisation of how little one could do to protect them and keep them totally safe.

      ‘Of course. Do you want a cup of tea? I’ve just made some,’ she offered.

      ‘No. No … Look … there just isn’t any easy way to tell you this … I know you’re going to be … Julie is pregnant and the baby is mine.’

      Somehow or other, Stella discovered that she was sitting down, whilst Richard in contrast was now standing up, his shock showing in his eyes as he stormed furiously, ‘What were you saying about him being intelligent? My God! How the hell much intelligence does it take to use a bloody condom?’

      ‘I did … It burst.’

      Nicki could see the Adam’s apple moving in Hughie’s throat as he swallowed. He was still a boy, really. A baby. Her baby! A wave of fiercely protective maternalism struck her. He was looking at her, waiting for her to say something, his puppy dog eyes pleading with her … trusting her …

      Trusting her, Stella recognised as she forced herself to bite back the words, Are you sure it’s yours?

      Richard, though, felt no such restraint, or tact, she realised as she heard her husband bursting out with the words that were hammering inside her own head.

      Instantly Hughie went white, his hands clenching as he stared accusingly at his father.

      ‘Of