The Forest Ranger's Husband. Leigh Bale

Matt leaving, I’m now the crew boss.”

      “That’s great.” She tried to put some enthusiasm into her voice, but couldn’t muster much. Knowing Matt no longer got to do what he loved made her feel cheerless, and she didn’t understand why.

      “How is your old man anyway?” Ken asked.

      Old man. She tried to envision Matt as a senior citizen with gray hair and wrinkles. No matter how he aged, she didn’t think she could ever view him as anything other than the handsome, rugged man she’d married. “Actually, that’s why I called.”

      “Oh?”

      “Yeah, I was hoping maybe you could tell me why he left Oregon.”

      Another long pause. “He hasn’t told you?”

      “No. He limps now and walks with a cane. Do you know what happened to him?”

      “Unfortunately, I do. But he should tell you about it, not me.”

      “That’s not gonna happen, Ken. I’ve asked him about it twice and he keeps brushing it aside.”

      Silence filled the void for several heartbeats, as if Ken were thinking this over. “I was afraid of that. He won’t accept help.”

      “Help for what?” she asked.

      His voice lowered to a gruff rasp. “It was bad, Andie. Real bad. It was a relatively small brush fire last summer. Perhaps eighty acres. Matt and his crew were building a fire line and had moved up the hill. They were working hard and fast. If the fire made it over the ridge, it would have gone into big timber and out of control. Matt was determined to stop it, but not at the expense of his crew. No one blamed him for what happened.”

      Andie lowered her head and pressed her free hand to her forehead. She’d worked on enough wildfires to know the dangerous risks. “So what happened?”

      “The wind changed suddenly, boxing Matt and one of his men into a small clearing. It was a fluke of nature no one could have seen coming. They deployed their fire shelters, but the heat of the fire was too intense. It killed one of his men. No one knows why Matt survived.”

      She released a shuddering breath, trying to absorb the ramifications of Ken’s words like a sponge soaking up sand. It just wouldn’t sink in. “Matt blames himself, doesn’t he?”

      “Yeah, but he won’t talk about it, Andie. I know he’s harboring tremendous guilt. He followed the ten standard wildfire-fighting orders and the eighteen watch-out situations, but he lost communication. Before he could rectify that, the winds changed. He did everything right, but it still happened so fast. I was hoping once he saw you, he might open up and let it go.”

      Ken went on to tell her about Matt’s recovery. Four months. That’s how long Matt had been in the Oregon Burn Center at Emmanuel Hospital in Portland, recovering from second- and third-degree burns on his legs. Four months of excruciating pain.

      “They didn’t think he’d ever walk again, but he was determined. And once he sets his mind to do something, he does it,” Ken said.

      “Yeah, Matt was always like that.” Her voice sounded strained.

      “I know he was working with a physical therapist before he left for Nevada. He was pushing himself too hard, but he said he had to be ready to pass his work-capacity test for the new fire season.”

      “Why would he want to fight wildfires again?”

      “It’s what he does, what he’s best at. I don’t know if he can ever rehabilitate his leg for that kind of work again, but he’s determined to try.”

      “He never would take no for an answer,” Andie admitted.

      In spite of her anger at Matt, she couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. It was the risk every firefighter faced. Matt had been trained to deal with the danger, but how could he really prepare for the loss of one of the men under his command?

      “It wasn’t his fault, Andie.”

      She lifted her head, trying to still the shaking of her hands. “Why does he blame himself?”

      “Because he was the crew boss. Because he survived.”

      Survivor’s guilt.

      “Oh!” She moaned and clenched her eyes closed, imagining how she would feel if she lost one of her crew members in a wildfire. She’d be sick with anguish. They weren’t just crew. They were friends. People you laughed with, ate and worked with every day. How could you tell their family that they wouldn’t be coming home again?

      “He almost died, Andie. By all rights, he shouldn’t have survived. But you know Matt.”

      Yes, she knew Matt. Or at least, she used to know him. Now she wasn’t so certain.

      “Has he talked to you about the fire?” she asked.

      Ken gave a harsh laugh. “Nope. Every time I brought it up, he shut me down. Almost losing his life changed him somehow. He insists he doesn’t need to see a doctor. I visited him in the hospital several times. Once, he was delirious with pain and medication. All he talked about was seeing you and making things right with you again.”

      “Really?” Odd, since Matt had never called.