Starting From Square Two. Caren Lissner

Messaging guys, checking to see if she had e-mail from guys, and scribbling ratings on the posters of guys she kept on her cubicle wall. On Brad Pitt’s arm, the girl had written, “HOT.” On Ben Affleck, she’d written, “yumie” (and yes, spelled it wrong). On Josh Hartnett, she’d written, “Cute!!!” Then, on Robert Downey, Jr., she’d written a simple “OK.”

      “You can’t fire her,” Erika said. “She makes you feel better about your own life.”

      “I know,” Hallie said. “I may be twenty-nine and single, but at least I’ve never put Tiger Beat posters on my walls. And now she keeps disappearing every day between 3:00 and 4:00 p.m., and she thinks we don’t notice. I don’t know where she goes.”

      “Do you have any idea?” Gert asked.

      “No,” Hallie said. “My boss is going to have me follow her.”

      Gert sensed someone sitting next to her. She felt the brush against her shoulder before she even looked. Two men were sitting down. They weren’t looking her way, though. They were talking to each other. She snuck a peek. They were both wearing leather bomber jackets. They were average-looking and clean-cut.

      “Fresh meat at three o’clock,” Erika said.

      Hallie took a quick look at the guys, then went back to Erika. “They’re short, though,” she reported.

      “Did I ever tell you that Ben’s bitch wife is an inch taller than he is?” Erika said. “I can’t imagine what happens when she wears heels. The two of them must look like a circus act.”

      “Maybe she doesn’t wear heels,” Gert said.

      “Don’t be funny,” Erika said.

      Gert heard the guy to her right say to the bartender, “Just a cranberry juice.” The bartender looked at him strangely before going to get the juice.

      The guy noticed Gert looking at him. “I’m all for girly drinks,” he said, smiling.

      “Oh,” Gert said. “This may shock you, but so am I.”

      “What kind?”

      “All kinds, as long as there’s citrus fruit involved.”

      “It prevents scurvy,” the guy’s friend said.

      “Health is always important when ordering alcoholic beverages,” Gert said.

      “So I should order one for you, then,” the first guy said.

      Gert said, “You could.”

      Erika whispered to Hallie, “Hook-up at stage right.” Gert ignored her. The guys both seemed nice.

      “Cranberry juice is…” Gert started, but then she stopped. What she’d thought of was that it was good for urinary tract infections. But that was not appropriate dating conversation. Damn—she was going to have to start thinking like that now. With Marc, of course, she could have said anything. She could have gone to the bathroom in front of him, although she preferred not to.

      It was back to square one on everything. Well, at least she was older now. Square two, then.

      “Cranberry juice is…good for you,” Gert finished.

      “It’s good for urinary infections,” the first guy said.

      Erika leaned over Gert’s seat and said to him, “Are you a doctor?”

      The guy looked at her for a second.

      “No,” he said, laughing. Erika shrugged and went back to her drink.

      “Anyway, there’s a reason I can’t drink,” the guy added.

      “What is it?” Gert asked.

      “He’s on the extra board,” his friend said.

      Gert looked at them blankly.

      “That means I’m on call for work,” the first guy said. “But even when I’m not on call, I’m never allowed to drink.”

      “Are you a cop?”

      “Nope.”

      “Guess what he does,” the guy’s friend said. “Guess. No one can ever guess it.”

      “Gert,” Hallie called from two stools down. “Do you want a drink?”

      Hallie had drained two cosmos in ten minutes. She was giving Gert a look like she wanted to know if Gert needed to be rescued. Gert didn’t know why. All they were doing was talking. “No, thanks,” Gert said. “I’m okay.”

      “Gert!” Erika said. “Hallie and I are going to the girls’ room!”

      “Fine,” Gert said. “See you.”

      “Gert!” Erika called. “Let us know if you want a drink.”

      Gert nodded.

      “Your friends are loud,” the guy’s friend said in a low voice.

      “They’re really nice people,” Gert said.

      “You must be nice to defend them,” the first guy said.

      “It’s the least you should expect someone to do,” Gert said, “defend their friends.”

      “Anyone who has a rule like that,” the first guy said, “I’m all for.” He smiled. He had a small scar on the bridge of his nose. It looked cute.

      “Todd defends me, right, Todd?” the second guy asked.

      “Yeah, I do,” Todd said in an authoritative voice. “Two more guesses.”

      “You’re a treasury officer,” Gert said.

      “Hey, is that an Untouchables reference?”

      “Yes,” Gert said.

      “That’s like my favorite movie. How’d you know?”

      Gert said, “I just knew.”

      “Brian, isn’t that like my favorite movie?”

      “It’s like his favorite movie,” Brian said.

      Erika and Hallie hadn’t gone to the bathroom as promised. They were staring at Gert.

      Hallie elbowed her.

      “Why don’t you introduce us?” she asked.

      “Oh,” Gert said. “Todd and Brian, this is Hallie and Erika.”

      “Hiiii!” Hallie said, pulling her stool around so that she could see them better. “What do both of you do?”

      “I was just trying to guess that,” Gert said.

      “I’m a stockbroker,” Brian said. “But Todd’s the one with the interesting job.”

      “I think stockbrokers are very interesting,” Erika purred.

      “Well, Todd’s job is more interesting,” Brian insisted.

      “He can’t drink,” Gert added. “So I guessed that he’s an officer of the treasury.”

      Hallie and Erika looked clueless.

      “The Untouchables. They went after alcohol during Prohibition….”

      “That movie rocks,” Brian said.

      “Oh, right!” Erika said. “Wasn’t Kevin Bacon in that?”

      “Costner,” Brian said.

      “Yeah,” Erika said. “My ex-boyfriend was into that movie. He married a girl who keeps a Web log.”

      “How many more guesses you want?” Brian asked Gert.

      “One more,” Gert said.

      Todd pursed his mouth. He had dark hair, a little curly behind